Moving forward…..

Well, Caroline you hit the nail on the head!  As a matter of fact I felt better the minute I finished writing the last post.  Just putting things down on paper helps drag them all back into perspective.  I just needed to “purge” and now I feel quite happy and focused once more.  I am going to lose 1kg this week. End of story…….  one kilo.  That’s all….and quite achievable.  I am going to drag myself back onto the rails and get on with it .  One bloody miserable kilo at a farking time 🙂

Now for BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

Patty has been captured!  I told you we got a trap from Parks and Wildlife?  Well we did.  We had it set for probably 4 days without success.  Apparently Possums are supposed to be partial to carrots, apples, bananas coated with peanut butter, bread & peanut butter…or all of the above in the cage at the one time like a smorgasboard (which I tried) !!  I was cleaning out the freezer and found a piece of forgotten banana bread……. aha!!!  I just knew this could be the breakthrough we needed….. I threw it in the trap.

That night Ricky snored to high heaven!!!!  So I went out onto the couch and fell nicely asleep out there without the reverbaration of his snoring on my eardrums threatening to split them in two!!  Then I am woken at stupid oçlock by ,  “Nola, Nola…..are you awake??”

“Well, I am now bozo!!  What, what’s wrong??!!”    “Patty is in the cage!!” Well, at this moment I wish I was a firefighter so I could have leapt out of bed and thrown myself down the pole!!  You know…with the siren sounding and “all hands on deck”  mentality going on.  Then Ricky says, “It’s OK.  Don’t get up.  I will take Patty for a little drive.  You stay there.”  Which I knew translated to, “Hurry and get up.  I can’t do this alone.  I need you with me”.

So, while I get dressed…… and clean my teeth and wash my face, Steve bloody Irwin gets Patty into the car. He sat the cage on a blue tarp just in case she pees on the way.  If I was Patty I would more than bloody pee!!!!!  So with Patty packed 🙂  we head off into the dead of night on our release mission.  She is very quiet and doesn’t even make a noise….. I thought she would hiss and spit and carry on. 

Here is “Packed Patty”…..

You can see she has a travel pack of apples in there with her.  So we drive about 15kms out of town to where we know it is national park. On the way to our chosen spot we see a few dead “roadkill” possums on the side of the road.  Ricky kept yelling out “VACANCY” when he saw one!!  lol  lol   He was probably right……there would be a spare tree hollow. I am sure Patty wouldn’t have minded moving into a deceased estate!!   ;0   However, we are confident  she will be able to find a tree in the national park we are taking her to and it wont be cut down! Also, we are relocating her near a picnic area……so she might be able to hit the bins for a take-a-way every now and then 🙂    Then Ricky gets her out of the car and we carry the cage over to a nice clearing………..  this is when the problems started!!

Why didn’t any of my possum research mention that it could be a little problematic getting the farking possum OUT of the cage??!! We thought we would just open the hatch and Patty would scramble out and run away up the nearest tree.  Oh no!!!!  She hung on for dear life and would not come out!  Ricky turned the cage upside down and shook it and Patty hung on and would not let go!  All her apples fell out……but not her.  I try banging on the base of the cage with a rock…. no luck.  Ricky goes and finds a stick and pokes Patty…..  no luck.  She just hung on tighter!!  Ricky did his nut and walked away from the cage and I started laughing!!  That made Ricky mad….. I couldn’t help it.  It was so farking funny.  All this way in the dark and skulking around a picnic area trying to do the right thing by a bloody possum and then we can’t get the bloody thing out the cage!!!!  lol  lol

Here is upside down Patty clinging on for dear life!!

I say to Ricky…. “You stay there.  I’ll go and have a word with her.  It’s a big thing leaving home for the first time and going off into the big wide world on your own. You yelling at her is just upsetting her!!” Ricky mumbled something about having me committed 🙂  We both go back over to the cage and just stand there!!  What to do?  What to do?  Then, just when we were tossing up taking her back home again she took off out of the cage.  Did she run up a tree?  NO!!!!  She took off in the direction of the sand dunes and the last we saw was her fat arse bounding up a dune!!!!  I yelled, “Patty!!… you forgot your travel apples!!!” ….   But she didn’t stop.  Not even a backward glance and a little wave of her little pink paw…..That’s gratitude for you ….  😦 

So we left her travel apples and carrots in a pile where the cage had been sitting.  Bye Patty…..  we will miss you…….

Ricky went for a drive out there the next night while he was on duty…….  He said there were three possums all sitting together around the garbage bin and one sitting over to the side a bit on it’s own.  He is pretty sure that was Patty and that she will be accepted into the group soon enough………. wahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa   🙂

The possum whisperer……………………


12 thoughts on “Moving forward…..

  1. OMG you two are just a scream! I would have shot the bloody thing.
    Of course she didn’t want to come outta that cage…. she was scared shitless of you two idiots!
    Steve Irwin indeed!
    I hope you two don’t go out there to often to give her ‘takeaways’… lol

  2. Ah poor mite… so glad she seems to have joined other possums. She must have been frightened in that cage, though there was nothing else you could do – and you did the right thing. So… what animal will use the penthouse flat now then??

  3. None Caroline!!! It is all boarded over now…no more access to our roof cavity. If another possum moves into the neighbourhood, or Patty returns, they will have to make do with a bloody tree 🙂

  4. Your life resembles a SITCOM, I bet you two laugh all the time.

    We saw so many possoms (dead) on our travels, you two deserve a medal from RSPCA for the way you have handled Patty.


  5. lol lol lol you nearly make me wet myself everytime you write something……waaahaaaa.
    ok breath kaz!!!…..omg I can’t control myself, I am gone sister……waaahaaaaawaaaaahaaaa

  6. And you and Rickey went home and had a “pitty patty”. Oh no, it is “pity party” about missing poor Patty. I laughed so hard reading this I almost needed the blue tarp. Love you Nola! One kilo or four sticks of butter, WE CAN DO IT!!!!!

  7. Well fark me….now I’m going to get committed for pissing myself laughing in the lounge room while Home & Away is on.(god forbid I make a noise while H&A is on telly). This was just the medicine I needed…thanks xoxoxo

  8. Hey Hornbag – way to funny!! Although a little bit sad as there will no longer be any funny Patty stories, though knowing you it wont be too much longer until another member of the animal species moves in.

  9. ROTF!!! I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. The Patty Chronicles!!! Quite a saga. Are you and Ricky suffering from empty nest syndrome now??? LOL!!!

    Yes, 1 kilo each week is all you need to focus on and before you know it you’d have reached your goal.


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