I just have to tell you…………

I don’t believe this!!! Now it’s a rodent!! We have had a little mouse problem at the Lolly shop lately. They have been quite discerning critters too!! Only the best chocolates and some wrapped lollies. We have had some baits thrown around in the corners hoping to rid ourselves of this pesky problem. I don’t particularly like mice! I am scared they will run up my leg or something. I think they look cute on the TV and I quite liked Stuart Little the movie…..but I would prefer not to have encounters of the real life kind.

It has been a very quiet day at work today. But, OF COURSE, when I am about to have a drama there was an elderly couple in the shop. I exchanged pleasantries with them and headed back behind my counter. As I rounded the corner I spotted IT out of the corner of my eye.  Well, I sort of walked in thin air and did a double step….like John Cleese!  I don’t know how I didn’t yell……….but I managed not to!  There was now a mouse between me and my only avenue of escape.  It was the bloody fattest mouse I have ever seen……. he was definitely the one that has been in the chocolate!  He was really slow and a bit dopey, so I assume he had eaten some bait.  What to do, what to do!!!?????  The couple were busy browsing and had no idea I was in panic mode. 

I grabbed a teatowel and threw it over Stuart!!  I thought he might think he was in his hole or something in his drugged up state and stay there until I could think of an action plan.  I stood over in the other corner as far away as I could from the tea towel.  Farking hell……  the tea towel started moving towards me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I grabbed a glance at the couple….still good there….no idea I was about to hyperventilate or faint or bloody both.  People…..  I am being stalked by a tea towel here……….heeellloooooooo  !!!!

I summoned up every ounce of bravery I had and bloody JUMPED the tea towel.  That is amazing…..  I don’t do jumping 🙂  Reached into the storeroom and grabbed the long handled broom and shovel and then went back to face the tea towel.  Still the couple had no idea of the drama unfolding behind the ice-cream machine!!  I bunched up the tea towel bit by bit and swept it onto the shovel and held it there for dear life with the broom.  Then I tried to walk real casual like out the front door of the shop with the tea towel bunched up in the shovel !!  The old bloke did look at me a bit funny then……..why is this woman sweeping up her tea towel….. lol  lol  lol

I went to the corner of the shop and tipped out the tea towel……  then I grabbed the corner of the tea towel and picked it up!!!  How brave is that?!  Stuart fell out onto the cement and just looked at me.  Bloody little terrorist!!  Then I had to race back inside because the customers were in there.  Once I had served them and they had gone I went back out to see if Stuart was still there……. he wasn’t.

Then guess what??!!!   I went outside later in the afternoon and there was Stuart splattered on the bitumen right at the front door!  He must have been on his way back inside and a customer has run over him!!!!!   So, once again………I get the shovel and this time Stuart is dumped down the drain grate……………………

RIP Stuart Fatguts………………………..

Moving forward…..

Well, Caroline you hit the nail on the head!  As a matter of fact I felt better the minute I finished writing the last post.  Just putting things down on paper helps drag them all back into perspective.  I just needed to “purge” and now I feel quite happy and focused once more.  I am going to lose 1kg this week. End of story…….  one kilo.  That’s all….and quite achievable.  I am going to drag myself back onto the rails and get on with it .  One bloody miserable kilo at a farking time 🙂

Now for BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

Patty has been captured!  I told you we got a trap from Parks and Wildlife?  Well we did.  We had it set for probably 4 days without success.  Apparently Possums are supposed to be partial to carrots, apples, bananas coated with peanut butter, bread & peanut butter…or all of the above in the cage at the one time like a smorgasboard (which I tried) !!  I was cleaning out the freezer and found a piece of forgotten banana bread……. aha!!!  I just knew this could be the breakthrough we needed….. I threw it in the trap.

That night Ricky snored to high heaven!!!!  So I went out onto the couch and fell nicely asleep out there without the reverbaration of his snoring on my eardrums threatening to split them in two!!  Then I am woken at stupid oçlock by ,  “Nola, Nola…..are you awake??”

“Well, I am now bozo!!  What, what’s wrong??!!”    “Patty is in the cage!!” Well, at this moment I wish I was a firefighter so I could have leapt out of bed and thrown myself down the pole!!  You know…with the siren sounding and “all hands on deck”  mentality going on.  Then Ricky says, “It’s OK.  Don’t get up.  I will take Patty for a little drive.  You stay there.”  Which I knew translated to, “Hurry and get up.  I can’t do this alone.  I need you with me”.

So, while I get dressed…… and clean my teeth and wash my face, Steve bloody Irwin gets Patty into the car. He sat the cage on a blue tarp just in case she pees on the way.  If I was Patty I would more than bloody pee!!!!!  So with Patty packed 🙂  we head off into the dead of night on our release mission.  She is very quiet and doesn’t even make a noise….. I thought she would hiss and spit and carry on. 

Here is “Packed Patty”…..

You can see she has a travel pack of apples in there with her.  So we drive about 15kms out of town to where we know it is national park. On the way to our chosen spot we see a few dead “roadkill” possums on the side of the road.  Ricky kept yelling out “VACANCY” when he saw one!!  lol  lol   He was probably right……there would be a spare tree hollow. I am sure Patty wouldn’t have minded moving into a deceased estate!!   ;0   However, we are confident  she will be able to find a tree in the national park we are taking her to and it wont be cut down! Also, we are relocating her near a picnic area……so she might be able to hit the bins for a take-a-way every now and then 🙂    Then Ricky gets her out of the car and we carry the cage over to a nice clearing………..  this is when the problems started!!

Why didn’t any of my possum research mention that it could be a little problematic getting the farking possum OUT of the cage??!! We thought we would just open the hatch and Patty would scramble out and run away up the nearest tree.  Oh no!!!!  She hung on for dear life and would not come out!  Ricky turned the cage upside down and shook it and Patty hung on and would not let go!  All her apples fell out……but not her.  I try banging on the base of the cage with a rock…. no luck.  Ricky goes and finds a stick and pokes Patty…..  no luck.  She just hung on tighter!!  Ricky did his nut and walked away from the cage and I started laughing!!  That made Ricky mad….. I couldn’t help it.  It was so farking funny.  All this way in the dark and skulking around a picnic area trying to do the right thing by a bloody possum and then we can’t get the bloody thing out the cage!!!!  lol  lol

Here is upside down Patty clinging on for dear life!!

I say to Ricky…. “You stay there.  I’ll go and have a word with her.  It’s a big thing leaving home for the first time and going off into the big wide world on your own. You yelling at her is just upsetting her!!” Ricky mumbled something about having me committed 🙂  We both go back over to the cage and just stand there!!  What to do?  What to do?  Then, just when we were tossing up taking her back home again she took off out of the cage.  Did she run up a tree?  NO!!!!  She took off in the direction of the sand dunes and the last we saw was her fat arse bounding up a dune!!!!  I yelled, “Patty!!… you forgot your travel apples!!!” ….   But she didn’t stop.  Not even a backward glance and a little wave of her little pink paw…..That’s gratitude for you ….  😦 

So we left her travel apples and carrots in a pile where the cage had been sitting.  Bye Patty…..  we will miss you…….

Ricky went for a drive out there the next night while he was on duty…….  He said there were three possums all sitting together around the garbage bin and one sitting over to the side a bit on it’s own.  He is pretty sure that was Patty and that she will be accepted into the group soon enough………. wahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa   🙂

The possum whisperer……………………

I feel like a good cry and a………..

bloody good slap around the face I think!!  I feel really down in the dumps today and totally down on myself for being such a failure!!  I really wanted to be the poster girl for lapbanding, you know?  Instead I AM STILL SITTING on 94kgs.  I know what to do to change this…..  or at least I think I do.  The key word in the last bit is SITTING.  I have been doing too much of this!!  I need to get walking again…..TWICE a day.  And go like the clappers…. put some effort into it. I am still classed as morbibly obese….my BMI has dropped…..but I am still bloody morbibly obese!!!!!!  Farking hell that stinks!!!!!  Why can’t I at least get to the bit where I am just overweight?????  I never thought I would be happy with THAT ranking!!

I thought I would stop obsessively thinking about what I eat and what I weigh and all that once I was lapbanded.   It doesn’t stop……. your “head talk” doesn’t stop.  I suppose everyone that has been lapbanded thinks about what goes in their mouths now more than before…..I mean, you have to or you can end up in big trouble if you try to stuff too much of the wrong things in the “new, smaller, improved” pouch of yours!!  What gets me is that I get grumpy and a bit angry somedays when something I ate hurts or it ends up in the loo.  Mostly it is my fault and that makes me bloody cranky!!!  Why didn’t I chew properly…..why did I have to try and eat hot chips again……why does the shit food go down so easily?????  You get the picture……

Today I had two Weetbix multi grain with skim milk for breakfast……  no problem.  ThenI HAD to go and have three of those Malto Milk biscuits with morning coffee….no problem.  Mushrooms pan fried in a little butter for lunch….. hurt!!! So I probably ate about the grand total of three small mushrooms. So then what do I go and do????  I just had three more of those bloody biscuits with my afternoon coffee because I feel peckish!!!  This is what I have been doing lately and I need to stop!  I have walked this morning with the dogs….but only a short one and not too strenuous by any stretch of the imagination.  I need to now find the motivation to get my arse out the door later this afternoon and walk on my own and stride it out a bit.  It is raining and when it is like this it is hard to muster up the motivation.  But today I must start my “fresh start”  ….  I have been stalling long enough!!  I will walk in the rain and then I can come home and jump straight in the shower if I get wet and cold….. absolutely nothing stopping me!!

I have silverside in the slow cooker for tea tonight and have done a pot of vegetables ready to  go with that.  I always eat off my little plate that is about the size of a bread and butter plate.  I also use a small cake fork or a mini splade to eat with to help slow myself down.  I will try not to eat the mashed potato first and will chew and chew the silverside and get some of that down first.

I know damn well once I break this stalemate and start getting a bit off again then I will come right and my mood will lift along with that.  Don’t get me wrong….. I am generally happy…..just disappointed with myself for stuffing around for so long and not working with the band to do the best I can.  I feel better once again from just writing it down! 

Oh……I forgot….. the pain in my left side is from a hernia!!  It is easilly fixed and I will make an appointment with Dr Dreamy for sometime in the near future to have it repaired.  It is just an easy day surgery…. no biggie.  I was unpacking boxes at work which I think may have aggravated it because it seems to have settled back down again now.  I might leave it until after my June holiday. I am just glad it wasn’t the port or anything band related.

I will leave this post here…….  I have some more news but I will put that in a new post.  It has to do with Patty 🙂  Just wanted to type out my sad/bad/angry/frustrated mood!!!!  I realise that only me can help me though…..