Desperate times…..desperate measures….

OK…listen up people….it is about to become all about ME!!!!!   Forgive me Father, bless my arse, God bless my little cotton socks, slap me silly….whatever!!!!  We DO tend to blog when all is light and roses, yes???  Well no farking more of that fluffy shit…..I need to blog the BAD STUFF!!!  One thing I have learnt is that writing, for me, about “stuff” works a treat.  Sadly for you….this will only be a treat for me…. your eyes will probably start bleeding after a week or two of my ranting 🙂

It will probably be like a car crash though… won’t be able to look away!!  he he I am not happy with my progress thus far.  And don’t start that “but you have done such a great job.  blah blah blah”  fark off!!!  I should have lost TWICE what I have by now if I had been focusing and not being such a SLACK TART!!!  I have become too complacent and comfortable again.  I need a good shake-up.  A slap around the face!  My jaw wired………  you get the picture. 

I can’t begin to even put into words, for fear I may disappear up my own arse from embarrassment, what I ate at work yesterday.  You know….that evil, evil shop I attend from time to time full of farking lollies and other sweet treats including a soft serve ice-cream machine. I am not going to go into that right at this moment…maybe later when I recover some self esteem? 

Why do I feel embarrassed when someone asks me when I had my lapband and how much have I lost so far??  I just feel like a failure….I KNOW I’m not… don’t start with the blah, blah, blah comments 🙂  It’s just that it has been over a year now and, as of this morning, I weigh 94kgs.   I was down to 92kgs….but the last two weeks have seen me doing the “car crash” thing! I was 115kgs at my biggest.  I was 110kgs when I was wheeled into theatre for the band.  I am not disappointed with having the actual band.  More that I am disappointed that I haven’t made the most of the opportunity to knock a couple of super models off their perches and lose more in this space of time 🙂  So, all in all that is a total loss of 21kgs.  I AM happy that I have lost that and that I am not still 115kgs!!  I think because I have been feeling so comfortable at this weight that I have dropped the ball….lost my focus somewhat.  I feel comfortable in clothes at the moment….not squirmy and wanting to pull my top down all the time or pull the back of my bra down over the back fat roll……that sort of thing 🙂  I feel quite good.  But I KNOW I will feel even farking better with another 20kgs off.  I never really set a goal weight…. I just couldn’t wrap my head around anything under a 100kgs at the time.  Secretly I thought 80kgs may be possible. 

Anyhooooooo….. I promised a warts and all account of this lapband “journey” and my God, ya gunna get one!!!  The only weight I know for sure that I USED to be was 86kgs in 1986.  That is when I joined the police.  I was still considered by them to be too fat…but they let me in because I had shown determination and fortitude by losing 20kgs to “cut the mustard” for the recruitment requirements.  I had been on the good old Modifast and lost that amount very quickly.  So….I think I will set my new goal for 86kgs and then reassess. 

But first I need to pull this runaway train up a bit.  So, today I have decided to start Modifast again just for a while and not too strictly….. just as another tool for a week or so.  I will try and do Modifast through the day and then just a “normal” whatever everyone else is having evening meal.    We go to Fiji for a 10 day holiday on the 8th June and that gives me two months to maybe get under 90kgs….maybe a bit more.  I think that is achievable.  My first goal is under 90kgs by June!!  There…….I’ve farking put it on paper now….no backing out 🙂  Stay on my arse biartches !!!!  🙂

We are travelling up to our families tomorrow and spending until Sunday with them.  No reason I can’t take the Modifast with me and stay on track. No reason at all………  it is the mindless snacking I need to get a handle on. 

I am not sure how much I have in my band.  I just lost track for some reason!!  Dr Dreamy smiles at me and I lose all sense of place and time.  He could be telling me I need to have a pipe cleaner shoved up my bum and pulled out my nose and I would be agreeing and smiling and asking if he would be doing the operation!!! lol  lol  I am getting low left side pain at the moment…. to the point it is keeping me awake.  I have a feeling it may be related to my port?  Anyway, I will try and get an appointment with Dr Dreamy before we go to Fiji.  I have nothing else in there to blame really!!!!  No ovaries, no uterus…..plenty of room for let!!!!  

So, I am going to turn into Chris H. and blog quite often from now on!!  Also, Chris wanted to know the ins and outs of a ducks arsehole anyway as far as being a bandit goes……hold onto ya hat Chris!!!!  This post is long enough for now…. so I am going to clean the house ready for our departure tomorrow while Ricky is at work and not annoying me!!

Of course…… I will also keep you informed of other exciting things that happen……  like Patty 🙂

Patty’s front door is to the right of the front porch here.  She enters through a hole in the corner.  Her take-a-way apple tree is on the left of the driveway….the small tree.  That big palm tree thingy is her “ladder” that she uses to get down off the carport roof and along the fence to the take-a-way. 

Close up of Patty’s Porch and entrance way!! I mean, really!!!!  Now we look at it …. it screams “Possum Penthouse”  …  yes, well, hindsight is a wonderful thing 🙂


14 thoughts on “Desperate times…..desperate measures….

  1. So it’s not just me? I’m tossing around all kinds of thoughts right now but one thing your post triggered in me is that I’m kind of comfortable at the weight I am now. It’s not where I want to be in theory but it seems I can eat a bunch off plan and stay in the same 1-3 pound range. It’s easy, in some ways. But I’m feeling really down on myself because I could be doing so much better.

    One thing our program shrink has been preaching is that this is not a diet, this is a lifestyle change. I know, at least to some extent, I’m treating it like a “diet” – something that is going to end then I can be “normal.” If I’m honest, probably I will never be normal and continuing to rebel about that is possibly not the healthiest thing I could do.

    I am glad you’re blogging again. I hope it helps to write it out – and I know it helps me to listen to others fighting with some of the same issues.

  2. The pipe cleaner up your bum and pulled out through your nose by Dr. Dreamy had me literally laughing out loud. Also, since I’ve been particularly a-hem desirous of an adult activity that I haven’t enjoyed for a very long time, it pulled my mind into areas not covered by your post. (I shall now go on my elliptical to work off some of this desirousness.)

  3. Do you need a fill? nothing like one to get you back on the ball again. Then you wouldn’t need to liquid diet and could ‘do food’ but much less of it without wanting the snackies or less since yo are in a sweet shop..I would need a Hannibal Lector mask.

    I am going to say that 46+ pounds is nothing to sneeze at. My doc said a bmi of 30 was great and that you gain 99percent of the healthful benefits of weight loss. It is a goal to try on and think about anyway.


  4. Oh girl, I know *exactly* what you mean and it sucks. I can totally relate to you and Zazzy. I’ve been in the same 1-4 pound range since Halloween and I’m “comfortable” here. Like I wrote in my last post, I’m currently addicted to ice cream and frozen yogurt (from this one place in particular that has the magic caramel sauce made from crack). If I could stay away from
    this shit and some other sweets I could lose weight, but dammit, this stuff just tastes too damn good on the tongue.

    Admitting you (the royal you, which includes me here) have a problem is the first step. My current problem is that I’m not yet willing to do anything about it. Sigh. I hate “depriving” myself because that’s when I immediately resent the self imposed restriction. But I have to do something. I want to *want* to do something.

    Hang in there and best of luck to you! We can do this!!! (We can, right??)

    Also, I’m glad you’re posting again, too. 🙂

  5. “possum penthouse,” gah! you crack me up. Have a nice holiday, I can’t wait to hear more of your adventures, in life and in band. I have been considering it so I shall stay tuned as they say…cheers. jj

  6. Ok I’m not letting you off the hook but you have managed to stop smoking which is a pretty awesome achievement in itself. But as you say there comes a time when you decide enough is enough – but you’ve got to decide it no-one else can. Like they say the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

    When we go on holidays Zanna goes to one of our local kennels – they’re very good and just love her. When we go away for some of our longer holidays she becomes Queen of the Kennels and is allowed out of her pen flor a while and wanders up and down the aisle having a chat with the other residents who are poking their noses out to say hello!

    OK here’s to a great week Z xx

  7. Right enough is enough… the attitude girl so here’s hoping you can get that arse into gear and achieve the goals ya set…

    Till we hear more, have a great week.

  8. Nola,
    I now know we are soul sisters on the opposite sides of the earth. You said it better than me, but I will be the first to tell you that you have got it right! No excuses, just the plain cold facts. Let’s scream it from the rooftops (move over Patty) we have some screaming to do. We can do it! I am thinking about you my special bandit! Sylvia

  9. I know it aint easy but you can do it Nola! I am in the comfortable stage at the moment too where I am happy with things so dont really give a shit how much I lose. Pretty much dragging my ass! My advice go back to the Dr for another fill so you are more restricted and for a good chat. I am in there every couple of months (not neccessarily for a fill) but they keep me on track. I hope this helps! You go Girl!

  10. Nola – I think your job may be the sticking point (no pun intended!). Is there no way you could move over to more admin and less doling out of the sweets? A lack of willpower is why we’re all bandits, after all, and I think the only way to deal with the day to day tests on it is to remove as far as possible the causes of its failure to act. When you first said you were getting that job I gasped as I read it, because in my own case this would have presented me with an impossible situation. It could only have been topped by going to work in a bakery or a (multichoice) ice-cream parlour…
    If there’s no possibility in that set up of your moving away from the counter, is there no other venture the owner is involved in? Or any other type of tourist shop in the area that would interest you?
    I think something has to change to give you a jump start. Has Ricky any thoughts on the matter?
    I need those jump leads too, so in a sense I’m thinking “out loud”.

  11. Good on you for facing up to what you need to do… and I am sure you can do it to ya tart!
    AND hell don’t turn into me! I’m fatter than you !
    Just blog more.. and stop eating the merchandise in the bloody shop!
    Or sack yourself.
    Get away from temptation.

  12. Haven’t you gotten rid of that vermin yet??? LOL!!!

    Clearly it’s time to move on from this place you’re in and there’s not better time than the present.

  13. Damn you have been dealing with alot havent you!!!!
    Time to get back on the wagon… Being banded doesnt make it easy work… Time to shake that arse into gear and get on with it Nola… We have only one chance at this.. dont waste time girl!!

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