Operation……Patty the Possum!!

OK…..I haven’t blogged lately because I haven’t really had anything to tell you about…..until now……………………………

You will recall that we had a nasty “incident” with a fat arsed possum attempting to break-in through the dog door not that long ago?  Of course you do!!!  Well, all has been quiet on the possum front since then, or so we thought.  When we first moved into this house we noticed a board missing from one of the eaves and commented that it would probably make a nice possum house……. then promptly forgot about it.  Even after the fat arsed possum incident we had forgotten about the inviting hole in the eaves. Well, the last couple of days Scarlett (the Jack Russell) has been doing the old “nose in the air and act like a little bush pig” trick out on the steps in the carport again.  A sure indicator that maybe, just maybe, the fat arsed possum was “around these parts” again……(I said that with a wild west accent…..ya know??? 🙂 )

Anyhoooooooo……..  last night we heard what we thought was a herd of elephants on the carport roof.  It wasn’t a herd of elephants, so therefore it was irrelephant!!!  wahahahaaaaaa  🙂  There is a clear strip of laser light roof sheeting that allows light into the carport and Ricky shone the torch onto that……. my God!!!!!  There it was…….a very, very familiar FAT ARSE!!!!  Then two beady little eyes gave us the once over and off it went!  Then today we heard Patty getting “settled” for the day in the “roof apartment”.  Apparently, she had seen the Vacancy shingle hanging on that very inviting hole in the eaves and made herself right at home. 

You notice we have named this fat arsed possum Patty?  Blame Ricky……  he started that.   He called her Possum Pattie of the food variety whilst we were on our POLICE SURVELLIANCE mission in the driveway!!  He meant it in food terms….ie: Pattie not Patty.  I changed it to Patty when I saw her cute little nose and eyes peeking at me from her new porch!!  But I digress…..and have skipped ahead somewhat. 

Today, after hearing the noise she made “settling in” for the day we decided to go around to Parks and Wildlife office and seek advice on possum removal and traps etc.  They didn’t have a trap available until tomorrow….they will drop it off to us.  I have since read up on possum trapping and all the rest of it.  They do not relocate too well and survival rate is low.  We need to learn to live with “urban” possums and build them a nest box in a tree near to the home you want to remove them from blah, blah, blah.  They like apples…..try putting quarter of an apple in the cage trap.  Well, we have a whole bloody apple tree in our drive approximately three meters as the crow flies from Patty’s front door!!!!!  She has moved in next to her own bloody take-a-way!!!  Go Patty, go Patty……..no wonder you have a fat arse girl !!!!  So, anyway……….  we needed to know if there is just Patty up there or if she is harbouring a Mr Patty.  Which brings me back to our highly organised survelliance operative……  code named “Operation Roadkill”.

Sooooooooooo…..  possums come out just on dark apparently.  We grab a torch each and sneak up the driveway to see if we can see Patty.  I shone my torch up  and …..  there she is!!!!  Peering out of her front porch!!  My torch light startled her a bit….but damn she looked so cute with her little pink ears and little pink nose and her little possum hands 🙂  I say to Ricky, “Go get the keys to the Police car and we will conduct Operation Roadkill from the comfort of the front seats!!” Great idea!!!!!  So here we are sitting in the Police car in our driveway slumped down in our seats whispering to each other in case Patty heard us!!!    lol  lol   It was totally on!!!!  All systems go!!!!  I hope to God the neighbours weren’t watching us.  That is when Ricky came up with the name of Patty……..your mind works overtime when you are on a mission like that. I mean, I was starting to cramp up in my left leg, but you can’t let things like that distract you when you are on such an important mission! 

Then Ricky says, “Shit!!” I’m like……”What?! What?!!!”

Ricky says……. “Flo has just walked up the front steps and is looking up at Patty.  She is going to compromise our whole operation!!”

Well, that did it……I nearly wet my bloody pants laughing.  Flo is our cat by the way!!  I reminded Ricky that the survival rate for relocated possums is very poor.  He suggested we could probably pack her a travel bag full of the apples and she could use them to bribe the other tough bush possums and maybe make some friends.  I can’t cope……..  I couldn’t even laugh “softly” anymore.  I had a total mental picture going on of Patty and her travel bag full of apples being dropped off down the road  waving and us wishing her luck !!!!  waahahahaaaaaaaa 🙂

Then out she comes and up onto the roof!  Awwwwww  she is kinda cute in a pesky kind of way.  Doesn’t appear to be a Mr Patty.  Well, she isn’t hurting anything really.  And if we keep the light turned on all night in the carport that will deter her from coming in there where she is not wanted.  The dogs can’t get to her if she sticks to the roof and the apple tree out the front.  Well, maybe we will just wait and see what happens.  If she starts to make too much noise or becomes too much of a problem THEN we will consider “relocating” her with her little travel bag of apples.  For now………  she can stay in the roof apartment with the”take-a-way” tree and we will see what happens……

Soft touches or what!!!??????????


14 thoughts on “Operation……Patty the Possum!!

  1. OMG – I’m doubled over laughing – you tell a wonderful story. Lucky Patty – possums up our way aren’t nearly so fortunate if they tangle with Zanna – suffice to say that the last one she encountered is no So lovely to have you back – I miss you when you’re not blogging Zxx

  2. Yup – no doubt – you’re both a couple of soft touches. But you know what? I kinda knew you wouldn’t relocate fat arse – you guys love animals too much!!

    LOL Great story by the way. I get this visual of you two hunkered down in the police car – and I like Rick’s style! Flo did it for me too.

    Wish you’d visit us a bit more in blog land. How are you? What else has been going on in your life. Don’t forget – you ever make it this way, we expect you on our doorstep, bags in hand! Mwah. Take care, funny girl!!

  3. I love our local critters – and when mama possum had babies, she brought all her little rat-sized children to visit. The light doesn’t seem to scare them away once they get used to it. Fortunately, the foxes, raccoons, possums, etc., don’t do anything destructive around the house and have their homes somewhere else.

    Good luck with Patty!

  4. Welcome back Nola! I’ve had a lovely time reading your story, and laughing at your header picture of your dog’s asshole! I’m so glad you’re going to give Patty a chance – hope she behaves herself. Um – don’t apples make you fart?

  5. I think I just peed a little…
    You are one funny chick, glad to see you post again. I will tell you my opossum story one day and you too will pee..;p

  6. LOL!!! You are a riot and such a push over!!!

    I didn’t know what a possum was, so I googled it and YUCK!!! Looks like a frigging modified RAT!!! “Relocate” that sucker NOW!!! Jesus, with those things running around like they own the place, I’m never coming to Australia.

  7. Definitely soft touches. You and Ricky are waaay braver than I am. Last night I have the highly unusual, once-in-a-lifetime experience (I hope) of discovering that a bat had been trapped in my overhead fluorescent kitchen light fixture. I knocked against the long clear plastic panels of the fixture with a broom, for what purpose I don’t know. Eventually the bat escaped from an area where I’d pushed aside a panel. It flew over the kitchen island into the family room. I screamed and called Animal Control. They preferred not to come at 11 p.m. I don’t know where the bat is now. I, on the other hand, may be going batty.

  8. Ijust laugh and laugh when I read your stories. You are always dealing with some sort of critter, the word is out on the “soft touches”. Your tales are so well written, I am just transported to the scene and can see it clearly. You made my evening.

  9. How did i miss this post!! I was laughing out loud all by myself on the couch…Everyone else has gone to bed…Ok will the possum leave a poopy mess in your carport attic? I’ve grown hard-hearted towards rodents in my old age..but she does sound rather cute.

    I wonder if your possums..possi? how do you say possum in plural? anyway..do yours look the same as ours? I have only ever seen ours…pancaked on the road.

  10. Possums are the dumbest, once I almost ran over a possum that was eating another dead possum in the middle of the road, a possum that someone else had run over.

    I recommend heavy artillery and complete eradication.

  11. Once again you crack me up!! Brings back memories of trying to catch the parrot out the front of the court house!! I LOVE the takeaway apple tree!!! I definately think ‘in your spare time’ ha ha you should put all your blogs together and send them to a publisher. Missing you xoxoxo

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