Ninja Possum…..

I put this on facebook very, very early this morning…… but I feel the tale needs telling in full on here……………………………………….

Last night we were held hostage in our own home by a ninja possum….. I kid you not!  The bastard of a thing tried to get through the dog door at around 3am this morning.

 Before that happened though…..  There was a lot of banging and clacking in the carport area and I knew it wasn’t one of the dogs because I was in the spare bed (Ricky having a snoring night) and both dogs were taking advantage of that and sleeping with Mum!  I opened the door and couldn’t see anything so crept out to the 2nd door off the carport which opens into the backyard.  Ricky had got up too by this stage and the dogs were going a bit crazy.  Up in this big palm tree thingy at the back door was a HUGE possum.  A big brushtail possum.  Well, naturally, we assumed this was the offending possum that had been clanging about………and that it had run up the palm tree when we all came out looking. So Ricky blinded it with his flashlight and we hoped it would rack off!!!! 

So we all just got settled again and I was drifting off and the dog door goes clang, bang, clang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG……..  that big sucker is trying to get through the dog door!!!!! So I jump out of bed and grab the slide security door that slides in the dogdoor and blocks it.  Now that big bastard is sitting wedged between the step and my farking prized yakka plant having a little rest after completing his step aerobics session and swinging off my very classy, commercial grade plastic fly strips!!!

So, by now, Scarlett is having a total breakdown over the whole thing.  She is snorting her nose under the door like a little bush pig.  Harry is busting to do a pee and it is nearly daylight!!  I thought they buggered off when it was daylight??  So I needed to check the state of the seige……………………so I drag a chair from the kitchen and put it near the laundry window which overlooks the backstep.  I can just see a bit of ninja brown fur!!  Damn……………he’s still there!!  Also, Flo the cat is out there somewhere……she went out when we saw the big ninja in the palmtree….now she can’t get back in and I can’t let the dogs out because ninja possums can be very vicious and rip into them. I am thinking maybe I could open the door really fast and POKE  it with something!!  Nahhhh….it might run up the broom like a spider does!!  Why the hell doesn’t Ricky bring his capsicum spray home…..I could hit the little bastard ninja with a dose of that!!!  Would flyspray work???????….I am too tired to think clearly.  It has been nearly two hours since the seige began…………………………starting to weaken…………………..

Funily enough……… dragging a chair to the laundry window and Scarlett snorting like a bushpig and whinging and Harry having the odd bark just because he feels he should contribute in some way….has woken the man of the house……..he has been awake all along.  But now he has FINALLY  done his nut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have to go to work in under 2 hours, I’ve had no sleep, bastard possum, noisy dogs, noisy wife!!!!!!!   rah, rah, rah, rah…………………….HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A little compassion towards MOI at 5.30am wouldn’t have gone astray…..I am stressed too you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MEN!!!!!!

So, Mr Done His Nut opened the cupboard and grabbed out a golf umbrella…………opened the back door…………and POKED that NINJA fare in the GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My farking hero 🙂  Only took him 3hrs….he is going to be very, very tired at work today………. *snigger*

Now, Liz from Facebook, suggested I call the local ranger.  Well, Strahan doesn’t have a local ranger…..people usually call the Police for stuff like this…………….and guess what????  They poke them in the GUTS with golf umbrellas!!!  🙂

So, the possum ran off after his poke in the guts and went up the gum tree near the front gate.  He is still there.  We had a good look at him and he is not the possum we saw up the palm tree and is, in fact, only HALF the size of the first one we saw!!  We are thinking he might be a RELATIVE of the one we saw….maybe a baby??  He was still a bad arse, ninja, fair sized baby though 🙂 Anyhooooo…..

I googled possum deterrent 🙂  Found out they don’t like the smell of camphor or moth balls and mosquito coils and brightly lit places………………… so, operation NO NINJA is underway tonight…………..

We are making the backstep and carport one badarse place to be for a ninja possum……so evil in fact that the ninja baby will bypass the carport all together and go back to ninja mummy and their blackwood tree over the backfence!!………………………

Mosquito coil in place?…….    check                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Camphor holders on rails full of camphor?…….check

Jack Russell on high alert….  check                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Jack Russell on high alert?……..   check                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

So that’s…….

Mosquito coils, camphor, Jack Russell on High Alert…………………..oh….and Harry Highpants……….the BACK-UP DOG 🙂

So let’s see……………………..we have all of the above and a golf umbrella and torch as weapons of choice.

Bring it on ya big fat NINJA POSSUM Bandit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I should hang some garlic around my neck for good measure???  🙂

PS:…  Just to prove this possum really does exist I took a photo of it’s ARSE up the gumtree this afternoon 🙂


20 thoughts on “Ninja Possum…..

  1. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..sorry Nola…your writing style is so comical and I can just see Rick, all bleary eyed stabbing the ninja possum in the guts with an umberdilly lol….I can also see Scarlett having the Queen of all hissy fits too lol…..
    Oh and you do have parks and wildlife ppl down there somewhere lovely….i think one of the girls down there is natasha norman lol….had brenda not been out at frenchmans cap she would have rescued you lol..she offered to come get the cat from under the house when the twit got stuck lo.
    Lets hope your possums piss offs work and you get a good nights sleep.

  2. You’ve prompted me to read up about possums on Wikipedia – I wonder if all ignoramuses like me thought they were cuddly things who kept to themselves… The very thought of waking up and having one looking at me gives me the shivers. Sounds like a nightmare.

    However, seeing as you’re such an ace reporter on things that go bump in the night, your European public demands a better photo of the creature outside your house!


  3. Linda….. I farking KNOW!!!!! Total testament to how BRAVE I am to have even opened the door!!

    Margie…. You will keep. You forget how close we live now and that I could just come up there and bitch slap you right now for making fun of me 🙂

    Mark…. I know what a slingshot is…but not the wrist rocket bit….however, it sounds like one mean mother of a n arse stinging weapon to me!

    Lonicera…. Go back onto Widipedia and look at your own farking possum photo!!!! I am NOT getting that close to one for you. Actually, when I took his bum shot I was more worried he would POO on me!! lol

    Zazzy… I thought your raccoons were cute, cuddly things with real little characters….but you think that about our Tasmanian Devils right?? lol

  4. UPDATE:… we had a possum free night…..hoorrraayyyyy.
    Scarlett STILL thinks the bloody thing is behind the washing machine or under the step. The possum must have urinated or something and the smell is still strong to a dog? We can’t smell anything…..but I bleached and disinfected the area anyway. However, drama queen can still smell something and spent all yesterday with her nose stuck behind the washing machine (that is right near the back door) or down the cracks in the top step snorting and snuffliing like a truffel finding dog or something!! lol

    Her eyes have been like saucers and she keeps breathing heavy……. just the sort of thing you want to happen to a dog with attention deficit disorder!!!! lol lol
    I wonder if they have critical incident stress debriefiing for dogs??
    Harry couldn’t give a toss…..Harry is so laid back he is almost comatose most days anyway :)……..
    I will burn the mozzie coils tonight again just in case and leave the camphor there also 🙂

  5. That’s one of the funniest stories I’ve read of yours in a while and you’ve written some doozies. It probably struck me so funny because many years ago my Bro brought in a baby ‘possum he’d found outside and we lived in the city so we were all fascinated with this baby. Bro put him in a large wicker basket that had a handle and a lid that slipped in under the handle. Well, one of the neighbor kids came over and we had to tell him about it and he wanted to see the little varmit so Bro reaches in and is lifting him out and the ‘possum grabbed the handle of the basket and so Bro gave him a bit of a tug to get him loose and that ‘possum shot shit all over the front of his shirt. He put it back in the basket, changed his shirt and left with it and came back with an empty basket. I never did ask whether he just let him go or he killed the little critter for projectile shitting on him.

    Thanks for a great laugh and taking me a long ways back in my memory (over 50 years) to think about that story.

    Love you!!!

  6. LOLOL Well, aren’t we honored, two posts in just a few days!! Great story, and the pics – OMG I can see it all just as it was when we visited (it made me nostalgic..hurry up.. you and Rick gets your bums over here so we can say hi again!!!!!)
    I could see everything you were writing about. Great story and that is one big mother of a possum.. I’m awed by your bravery lolol. You skitch ’em.. oh yeah, you already did!

  7. Helen….. now I am laughing at you!!!!! That is a good story…try and say possum shot shit on shirt really fast 10 times!! lol lol

    Dash…. I am just grateful something like that didn’t happen while you were visiting!!!!! You would have hightailed it out the door quick smart I reckon 🙂

    Jen… I am a bit addicted to facebook at the moment!!…and I still can’t stop playing bejewelled!

  8. Oh Nola…that was too funny. In the South (of the USA) they have a recipe for Possum Pie. Would you like me to dig that up for you? May come in handy.

  9. I just realized you’re back..YAY! Love the opossum story…those are some nasty creatures. We’ve had a few run-in with them here too. Glad you are well…;p

  10. Good Lord!!! he is huge and furry 🙂 We have tiny bald pink possum things here and they do go to bed when daylight comes!!! yeowch…what a ruckus.


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