Ninja Possum…..

I put this on facebook very, very early this morning…… but I feel the tale needs telling in full on here……………………………………….

Last night we were held hostage in our own home by a ninja possum….. I kid you not!  The bastard of a thing tried to get through the dog door at around 3am this morning.

 Before that happened though…..  There was a lot of banging and clacking in the carport area and I knew it wasn’t one of the dogs because I was in the spare bed (Ricky having a snoring night) and both dogs were taking advantage of that and sleeping with Mum!  I opened the door and couldn’t see anything so crept out to the 2nd door off the carport which opens into the backyard.  Ricky had got up too by this stage and the dogs were going a bit crazy.  Up in this big palm tree thingy at the back door was a HUGE possum.  A big brushtail possum.  Well, naturally, we assumed this was the offending possum that had been clanging about………and that it had run up the palm tree when we all came out looking. So Ricky blinded it with his flashlight and we hoped it would rack off!!!! 

So we all just got settled again and I was drifting off and the dog door goes clang, bang, clang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG……..  that big sucker is trying to get through the dog door!!!!! So I jump out of bed and grab the slide security door that slides in the dogdoor and blocks it.  Now that big bastard is sitting wedged between the step and my farking prized yakka plant having a little rest after completing his step aerobics session and swinging off my very classy, commercial grade plastic fly strips!!!

So, by now, Scarlett is having a total breakdown over the whole thing.  She is snorting her nose under the door like a little bush pig.  Harry is busting to do a pee and it is nearly daylight!!  I thought they buggered off when it was daylight??  So I needed to check the state of the seige……………………so I drag a chair from the kitchen and put it near the laundry window which overlooks the backstep.  I can just see a bit of ninja brown fur!!  Damn……………he’s still there!!  Also, Flo the cat is out there somewhere……she went out when we saw the big ninja in the palmtree….now she can’t get back in and I can’t let the dogs out because ninja possums can be very vicious and rip into them. I am thinking maybe I could open the door really fast and POKE  it with something!!  Nahhhh….it might run up the broom like a spider does!!  Why the hell doesn’t Ricky bring his capsicum spray home…..I could hit the little bastard ninja with a dose of that!!!  Would flyspray work???????….I am too tired to think clearly.  It has been nearly two hours since the seige began…………………………starting to weaken…………………..

Funily enough………..me dragging a chair to the laundry window and Scarlett snorting like a bushpig and whinging and Harry having the odd bark just because he feels he should contribute in some way….has woken the man of the house……..he has been awake all along.  But now he has FINALLY  done his nut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have to go to work in under 2 hours, I’ve had no sleep, bastard possum, noisy dogs, noisy wife!!!!!!!   rah, rah, rah, rah…………………….HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A little compassion towards MOI at 5.30am wouldn’t have gone astray…..I am stressed too you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MEN!!!!!!

So, Mr Done His Nut opened the cupboard and grabbed out a golf umbrella…………opened the back door…………and POKED that NINJA fare in the GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My farking hero 🙂  Only took him 3hrs….he is going to be very, very tired at work today………. *snigger*

Now, Liz from Facebook, suggested I call the local ranger.  Well, Strahan doesn’t have a local ranger…..people usually call the Police for stuff like this…………….and guess what????  They poke them in the GUTS with golf umbrellas!!!  🙂

So, the possum ran off after his poke in the guts and went up the gum tree near the front gate.  He is still there.  We had a good look at him and he is not the possum we saw up the palm tree and is, in fact, only HALF the size of the first one we saw!!  We are thinking he might be a RELATIVE of the one we saw….maybe a baby??  He was still a bad arse, ninja, fair sized baby though 🙂 Anyhooooo…..

I googled possum deterrent 🙂  Found out they don’t like the smell of camphor or moth balls and mosquito coils and brightly lit places………………… so, operation NO NINJA is underway tonight…………..

We are making the backstep and carport one badarse place to be for a ninja possum……so evil in fact that the ninja baby will bypass the carport all together and go back to ninja mummy and their blackwood tree over the backfence!!………………………

Mosquito coil in place?…….    check                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Camphor holders on rails full of camphor?…….check

Jack Russell on high alert….  check                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Jack Russell on high alert?……..   check                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

So that’s…….

Mosquito coils, camphor, Jack Russell on High Alert…………………..oh….and Harry Highpants……….the BACK-UP DOG 🙂

So let’s see……………………..we have all of the above and a golf umbrella and torch as weapons of choice.

Bring it on ya big fat NINJA POSSUM Bandit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I should hang some garlic around my neck for good measure???  🙂

PS:…  Just to prove this possum really does exist I took a photo of it’s ARSE up the gumtree this afternoon 🙂

Where was I????

Look…… I’m really sorry…..but sometimes life just gets in the way of a good blog!! 

I honestly don’t know what happened !!!! I haven’t updated my blog….I haven’t been to other favourite online places, I haven’t talked to anyone on Facebook…..I have just been an all round slack tart really.

I haven’t been depressed or anything….or I don’t think I have!! I just haven’t had any energy to do anything else except the absolute basics to get through my days. I think I just had a meltdown after the moving and starting the new job and all that stuff? I still feel really tired and a little mentally exhausted. Unusually tired actually…..enough for me to think I should mention it to my GP at the next visit….might be low in iron or something??

anyhooooooooo…..

STUFF YA !!!   I have no reason except that I was slack and I have a care factor of …ohhhhhh….let’s say zero!!!! 🙂
So, since moving to glorious, wilderness surrounded Strahan with fabulous beaches and walks and water and forest vistas……I have started a new job at the takeaway……..last week I quit that job. Too physically demanding and I just found it really hard to soar with the eagles whilst surrounded by turkeys if you get my drift!! So, luckilly for me I have been stalked by a man who wants to open a lolly shop (oh, OK…it was advertised and I approached him!) and would like me to manage that for him. So I am like……………oh OK………because I would rather smell like a licorice allsort than a dim sim!!

So, on the 1st December Chew Choos in Strahan will open with Moi at the helm. If I can manage to keep my head out of the dusted english jelly babies jar I may even manage to serve someone and even turn a profit for the guy……..I am now on the lookout for someone to share this exciting little opportunity with me and so far am having no luck!! I can’t do 7days a week……I need to find someone.

The owner is a lovely guy who resides down Hobart way. He already has another Chew Choos shop in the old train at Margate and is looking at opening more if the opportunity presents itself. So who knows??!! We will see how it all goes…….a nice, easy, pleasant position I think with minimum stress…….except for the “resist the stock” part of the job!!

Ricky is loving his new position as 50% marine work and the rest normal uniform work. A nice mix and he gets to play in the Police boat and other cool toys for boys stuff. The house is pretty good and has lots of room and a fantastic yard for the dogs and us.

I am starting to feel more like myself everyday. I didn’t realise how “withdrawn” I had become……I have given myself a good slap around the face and I am back!!!! So there……

Thanks for your concern as to my absence…….  I am alive and well……so cancel the caterers!!  Now I must spend the next couple of days visiting all my blog buddies sites and seeing what I have been missing!!  Sorry I haven’t been about to visit lately……I intend to redeem myself in the next few days!

Lapband wise…………….not a lot to report.  I am still off the smokes which I am amazed at!!!  I have a Dr Dreamy appointment on the 12th December.  I want to have another big chat to him and see what he thinks.  I am not happy with my lack of progress thus far…….

I can’t give you a photo this entry because I have a new computer……a very sexy HP TouchSmart big shiney screen thingy………with windows 7 and all the good gear…….just can’t work out where to find my bloody photos yet since we did the windows 7 upgrade…..I hope I haven’t lost them!!!