I fear I have become the flamin’ antichrist of lapbanding!!! It just isn’t doing it for me lately and I am thoroughly sick of it to be honest! Now, don’t go getting all worried about me……..I will sort it out. It is just that this is an honest account of how I feel throughout this whole lapband thing……and this is how I am feeling at this particular time!!
I really don’t know how to explain it actually. I am eating rubbish lately. I still constantly think about food. I am making some very bad choices about what I shove down my throat…….and I am just getting a bit tired of having to think about the choices all the time!! One minute I think I need a bit more fill….the next minute I think I don’t because it hurts!!!!
I think I am panning out like most other lapbanders, in that, the first solid thing I eat for the day…..be it at breakfast or later on hurts and causes pain. I try to slow down……am I going slow enough and chewing enough????…..yes, I bloody well am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I went any slower I would be finishing breakfast at lunchtime!! Then I get cranky because I want to eat something because I feel hungry but I can’t eat enough to make me feel happily full. Is this making any sense!?
I guess what I feel most of the time is discomfort rather than satisfaction. So I stop……………………….
Some days I just bloody well want to sit and enjoy THREE pieces of pizza and totally enjoy it and wash it down with a bloody fizzy drink!!!!!!!!!!! Other days I know damn well I could eat that much if I desired!! Therefore I get very confused. One day it hurts and pisses me off and I do all the right things…..the next day I could eat a horse and not be bothered by the band one bit……..wouldn’t even know I had one. So what do I do???? Get a fill………. or just try harder!!!!???? I don’t bloody know…….I will tell Dr Dreamy all this when I see him I suppose. He will know anyway because I haven’t lost any bloody weight in ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, that is where I stand on that issue. In my defence I have a LOT going on at the moment…..but still……my eating should be leveling out and it is not!!!!! I still haven’t touched the smokes and neither has Ricky……………………yay us. I lose points though for eating things such as a WHOLE packet of chico babies because I couldn’t smoke when I was panicking about the house sale going through in time!!!! I probably should lose points for eating an apple pie thingy today for lunch because the bastard bakery at Strahan didn’t really have anything else except big fresh rolls that would have hurt like hell !! Oh, and on the trip down I had two seafood sticks and a latte for breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ricky had an egg and bacon roll………….again, that is all they had. I could have stuck to latte and air……….but that wasn’t gonna happen 🙂
So…….the removalists come on the 17th August. Not sure how I will go with blogging between now and then and probably will take some time before I get set up the other end. I haven’t gone………I will try and blog before we leave. However, it is starting to get pretty busy this end, so not sure how I will go. So, look after yourselves and I will be back in full flight soon 🙂