Still have time to whinge…….

I fear I have become the flamin’ antichrist of lapbanding!!! It just isn’t doing it for me lately and I am thoroughly sick of it to be honest! Now, don’t go getting all worried about me……..I will sort it out. It is just that this is an honest account of how I feel throughout this whole lapband thing……and this is how I am feeling at this particular time!!

I really don’t know how to explain it actually.  I am eating rubbish lately.  I still constantly think about food. I am making some very bad choices about what I shove down my throat…….and I am just getting a bit tired of having to think about the choices all the time!!   One minute I think I need a bit more fill….the next minute I think I don’t because it hurts!!!! 

I think I am panning out like most other lapbanders, in that, the first solid thing I eat for the day…..be it at breakfast or later on hurts and causes pain.  I try to slow down……am I going slow enough and chewing enough????…..yes, I bloody well am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If I went any slower I would be finishing breakfast at lunchtime!!  Then I get cranky because I want to eat something because I feel hungry but I can’t eat enough to make me feel happily full.   Is this making any sense!?

I guess what I feel most of the time is discomfort rather than satisfaction.  So I stop………………………. 

Some days I just bloody well want to sit and enjoy THREE pieces of pizza and totally enjoy it and wash it down with a bloody fizzy drink!!!!!!!!!!!    Other days I know damn well I could eat that much if I desired!!  Therefore I get very confused.  One day it hurts and pisses me off and I do all the right things…..the next day I could eat a horse and not be bothered by the band one bit……..wouldn’t even know I had one.  So what do I do????  Get a fill………. or just try harder!!!!????   I don’t bloody know…….I will tell Dr Dreamy all this when I see him I suppose.  He will know anyway because I haven’t lost any bloody weight in ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, that is where I stand on that issue.  In my defence I have a LOT going on at the moment…..but still……my eating should be leveling out and it is not!!!!!  I still haven’t touched the smokes and neither has Ricky……………………yay us.  I lose points though for eating things such as a WHOLE packet of chico babies because I couldn’t smoke when I was panicking about the house sale going through in time!!!!  I probably should lose points for eating an apple pie thingy today for lunch because the bastard bakery at Strahan didn’t really have anything else except big fresh rolls that would have hurt like hell !!  Oh, and on the trip down I had two seafood sticks and a latte for breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ricky had an egg and bacon roll………….again, that is all they had.  I could have stuck to latte and air……….but that wasn’t gonna happen 🙂

So…….the removalists come on the 17th August.  Not sure how I will go with blogging between now and then and probably will take some time before I get set up the other end.  I haven’t gone………I will try and blog before we leave.  However, it is starting to get pretty busy this end, so not sure how I will go.   So, look after yourselves and I will be back in full flight soon 🙂

 

 

 

 

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25 thoughts on “Still have time to whinge…….

  1. lol You mean that wasn’t you in full flight already?? Joking xx
    You have been through the mill. I just checked in case you had managed to blog (as you mentioned you had to have a whinge lol) and voila..here you were.
    Sounds like you might be going through a touch of stress darl. Maybe that’s not helping with your band too. Def tell Dr Dreamy about it. He should be able to set you right.
    Speak soon
    Cara x
    Hey, I guess with whats going on at my end… I will end up Dr Dreamy’s patient too. Food for thought.

  2. I hear ya on the lapband front! Can be very frustrating. My view is this…you have 2 choices a) get filled to a point where you are really restricted have limited food choices, regurgitate a lot but lose weight regularly. or b) be restricted enough to limit your portions but have greater variety with your food choices and work at making good choices. Either way it sucks sometimes! I would rather do the latter even though it means the process of losing weight is slower it sure beats getting things stuck and regurgitating food on a regular basis. I think I need a tweak and probably need another 0.2ml in my band as I have lost loads of restriction since my last fill. Hang in there my dear!! It may take longer than you first thought to lose the excess weight but it will eventually come off.

  3. Hello love, well first off….let me say a HUGE congrats on the no smoking. Seriously, that is probably the single most significant decision you have ever made in your life. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, bar none!!!

    Not smoking is wayyy more important than eating a bag of chiko babies. Please don’t give in to the tempation.

    And…the band. You know, I hear what you are saying and it all sounds so familiar. I suffer from first bite syndrome and it can set me up for a really horrible day if it happens early in the day. As soon as something gets stuck, my stomach swells up for at least the rest of the day.

    Now, you probably think I am exagerating when I tell you this next piece of information, but I am not! It is true. My first bite of every single meal, needs to be no bigger than the size of a pea. Yes, a pea. I need to chew the buggery out of it, and take my time between my first and second bites. Then, amazingly, all is well with the world. I kid you not!

    Anyway, good luck with the non smoking, the band and the house moving. OMG, plate full much???

  4. Hey sweet one! Still no smoking – awesome. That is the single most important thing you can do for your health. I remember once being at my doctors and talking about cholestrol, blood pressure, HRT, weight loss, drinking et al and he said to me that I could do my level best to look after all the previous then bundle all of them up together and they would still be only a pin prick compared to what I had done for my health by stopping smoking. So be gentle with yourself and jost plod your way through the next few weeks with the move and everything – when the time is right your banding will kick in again. Congratulations – you non smoker!!! Z xx

  5. I can relate so much to your frustrations, though I think I’m still earlier in the process – at least I don’t have the level of restriction that you seem to have. But much of the time I feel like this is no more than the old “eat less, exercise more” routine that I’ve failed at many times. I’m not always sure what the band is doing for me.

    But, as has been noted, you have been under a lot of stress. Many of us are stress eaters, emotional eaters. During the past couple of months I had to give myself a break. It’d be great if I suddenly had the world’s best stress management skills but I don’t. I’m doing the best I can to handle things and so are you. When life settles down, you’ll be able to get back on your plan. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself. Take care of you, try not to go too crazy and allow yourself to get through all of this.

  6. Hmmm. the lapband is not the fix-it-all eh? Bummer… glad I havn’t considered it then.
    I would be like you, constantly thinking of food! Or throwing up I suppose cos I would overeat.
    Good luck with the move, it’s a very stressful time …. I know!
    I’ve moved 38 times since I left home! Not fun.

  7. Nola – you’re fighting on three fronts at the same time for heaven’s sake! When you stop smoking you get cranky, there’s no way out of that.

    In your case it’s your lapband that’s suffering, but if you were a trapeze artist you’d be wobbling, if you were a painter your hand would be smudging what you had just painted, and God help us if you were a bus driver, you’d probably tip your passengers into the drink…

    So why not just work on keeping calm (as far as a hornbag queen can, of course) and staying level for a bit? Where’s the hurry? Your third front is moving house, said to be the third most stressful situation in one’s life, after bereavement and divorce (and probably living with one’s mother in law).

    Don’t turn to drink – just keep blogging….

    Caroline

  8. I could of sworn I was reading a entry from my “Lapband Diary” as I am experiencing the exact bloody same thing.

    The idiots who wrote the “book” and the Dr’s who say, “you will not even think about food” are all talking a crock of shit – they really need to do some research on the emo eaters (and gluttons in my case). I have had half a bacon & egg sandwich this morning and already I’m PB’ing it as I’m tighter than a nuns whatsit today, yet a couple of days ago I was munching into steaks – what the fark!!

  9. Well I say YAY you and Ricky both for keeping off the smokes!!!! I would be eating, more like shoveling, if I was a stress as you are right now. Oh wait, I shovel now so what is my excuse? Oh hell, I’m no help here. Just know that I am thinking of you and I know that all will settle down once the move is over…I am sure of it. You take care…;p

  10. Hey there-breath deeply. The stress is not going to be your band’s friend at all. The more stress I am under the more my band tightens in the morning or frankly just makes it go wild with opening and closing etc.

    The stress could also sent you pitching back to smoking so congratulations on that one!!!

    I went through the wanting, desiring…dying for all of the food I could not have. I ate like crap for a while and I stopped losing. I dont know what to tell you to help you get through it. I think it just takes time and readjustment somewhere in the depths of your brain. Mine has recently gotten better and I have gone from mourning the loss of my old eating ways and feeling food etc. to being happy that I (not the band) have control over it (even though it is really the band :))

    Make sure and let us know when it happens so I can see if my hypothesis is right!!

  11. Hey Nola. I totally hear you. I have days like those too. I think we all do. Because we’re not used to making the right choices naturally, we have to think about them, we get sick and tired of it and say…”Good choices…be damned!”

    I don’t mind you connecting with Cat on my blog. She made it private because she was getting some nasty comments and she uses her blog for therapy. So the comments defeated the purpose. However, she is on FaceBook! Too fun!

  12. Hey Nola, I think you’d be hardpressed for find a bandit who hasn’t felt the exact same way at one time or the other. Hell, I’ve been known to go buy a whopper or a big mac, take an hour to eat it coz I want it DAMMIT, even though I know where I’ll end up. You do sound a tad stressed though. I know it’s hard this time of year but I find a nice long walk good to clear the mind. Keep sticking with it, it will get better.

    Em 🙂

  13. Hey sweetie,

    hang in there… you should see the size of my meals at the moment…not making any good choices at all!!! But you have given up smoking and that in it’s self is a fantastic achievement – the stress you are under at the moment will dissipate eventually and then you will know what you need to do is either have another fill or make better choices, but don’t make that choice until your are stress free… I hereby give you permission to be normal – stress out if you need to, you are gonna anyway, so take it, say thank you, and move on when you are ready… LOL

    :o)
    xx

  14. Hi luv! I hear you on the moving/fill/farked up band front thing! The band is just one more hassle you just dont need right now but unfortunately – its in there and thats all there is to it for now! I am busting to do a trip to tassie and just to add to your long list of pains in ur arse you better get ur arse up here soon or I’m going to self combust! I need friends sooooooo bad!

  15. BTW I have a love hate relationship with my band at the moment its like the rest of my life – its all or nothing – the famine or the feast one extreme or the other. Either way -is it better than morbid obesity?????

  16. I’m so sorry for the late reply here, but please please please listen to Tracey. I’m pretty convinced that you experience first bite syndrome (FBS) and you are confusing it for “fullness.” I first developed FBS almost a year ago and I still sometimes confuse it for fullness. I just want some omnipotent being to tell when it’s fullness/tightness and when it’s FBS and I just need to give my body a break and then come back to the food in a little bit. But no, that’s not going to happen and I just have to figure it out for myself. Poop!

    One thing that does seem to be consistent with me, though, is this: If I wait 15 minutes after I can’t eat anymore (either from being actually full or feeling FBS), if I feel emotionally satisfied then I’m actually full, and if I feel twinges of true hunger and/or am not emotionally satisfied (because I barely ate anything), then chances are it was FBS. If I think it’s FBS then I’ll try a little more food and see how it goes.

    I’m convinced that a lot more people experience FBS than they realize. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me, or ask Tracey since she’s probably better at dealing with it than I am. 😉

    Congrats on the no smoking!! I know from my Mom’s experience that it’s super tough, but I am SO very proud of you and happy for you. Keep up the great work!

    I hope the move is going well, I can’t wait to hear from you again when you’re in the new place.

  17. Nola, I love how you are so bloody honest about this lapband. No one really tells one of the daily struggles with food and being banded. I am not banded and have a conflict with having it done and just being okay with being fat forever.

    I hope all is well in regards to the move. Blog when you can!

  18. Nola, you sweetheart, great job on the “no smoking”. Stress is a real bugger to weight loss. I hear you on the hurts sometimes and not others. Take the move, be good to yourself, and I will be anxious to hear from you “on the other end”. Take care and stick with it.

  19. This is really late but I had to come and commiserate with you on this one. My meal sizes are ridiculous at the moment and I’m pretty certain I have 1ml more than I did pre pregnancy and yet I’m eating way more. I don’t get it one little bit. Yes I get a lot more food stuck but as long as I take my time I can eat a decent sized meal…sigh…

    Anyway I wanted to congratulate you on giving up smoking! That is a huge effort!

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