Where did that last week and a bit go??! I was going to blog last night, but my husband was on the computer immersed in a puzzle/find it game and I didn’t have the heart to kick him off!! Considering it is usually my arse plastered to the computer chair most evenings I thought I should let him have a turn. I am considerate and selfless like that 🙂
How’s my band life been going??? Glad you asked!!……………………..For the last week I have been quite tight and then I wasn’t tight and then I was tight etc etc etc. Some weeks it totally bamboozles me and I just can’t figure out what makes it do what it does. One day I feel hungry and eat well…..the next I gag on water!! It was my “long” work week ,which poses it’s own set of problems, in that I am too lazy to do much exercise when I get home and it is dark and cold. I also run the gauntlet of the fundraising chocolates and lollies sitting on the counter and usually lose the fight at about 3pm!!
Anyhoooooo……I had two nasty spew incidents this last week. The first one I had just taken a bite of my wholemeal cheese and vegemite sanga around 11am at my desk and the phone rang……so I must have swallowed too quickly without chewing properly. I was talking to the guy from prosecution and I felt the saliva well-up in my mouth and my eyes started to pop out of my head and I knew I was going to bring it up……….so I took the phone up to Penny’s desk and threw it at her saying, “Can you take over this call?” and ran like blazes down to the toilet and heaved it up again!!
In these circumstances……I am glad the girls at work know about my band!! I thanked Penny profusely on my return and proceeded to explain in detail that it isn’t actually vomit…..but undigested, gluggy sandwich garnished with phlem that was heaved back up. She loves it when I go into detail like that for her……. 🙂
The next day I was having my sandwich again around the same time. I had run out of water in my bottle, so decided to head down to the Magistrate’s chambers kitchenette to refill it. The Magistrate has a water station thingy in there and he lets us fill up our bottles whenever we want. So, I am heading through the public waiting area of the court towards the first set of double doors that lead into the courts and whammo!!! I felt that eye popping, mouth watering…..no holding back feeling come over me!! It just happens out of the blue and you have absolutely no control over it. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Should I turn back or forge ahead???…..I kept going.
Well, I can’t open my mouth in front of the waiting defendants, so I break into a bit of a trot across the floor and slam through the first set of double doors. Then there is another set of double doors that I have to swipe my security card through……….I can hardly see what I am swiping at from the tears in my eyes. The pain is indescribable during one of these episodes and my eyes turn red and water and I just gulp like a bloody guppy fish!!! So now I am in another section of the corridor facing another set of doors!! By this stage I am getting desperate and thinking I am not going to make it to the sink in the kitchenette before I spew.
I have my security card hanging around my neck and I am pulling at it trying to swipe the bloody thing over the sensor thingy. I could’nt see properly and was starting to panic a bit too…………so I nearly strangled myself in the process with the neck cord!! It got tangled up in my necklace in my hurried panic. I am trying to swipe, untangle so I could breathe and hold in the spew all at the same time!! Finally through the doors and then I see the Magistrates toilet on the right side just through the doors……..
OMG!!!! This was the holy grail of spewing spots. I had never been into HIS HONOURS LOO. Should I?, could I?? Would I???……….You bet your arse I did!!!! 🙂 The door to the holy grail was open…… I expected to see a shaft of golden sunlight streaming out from the white porcelain. I pushed open the 2nd door and there it was……..His Honour’s throne. It was even up on a bit of a pedestal made of the finest cement I’m sure. The bowl was up beckoning me much like a crisp, white sheet turned down in a five star hotel room………I made the dive. Sweet relief!!!! I am thinking, besides my face, there has only been HIS HONOUR’S ARSE gracing this sacred porcelain dish. I think that made me spew some more!! All was quiet and peaceful in my world. Court was in session and I was thankful for that!!!! So HE wasn’t in his chambers and therefore, couldn’t hear me spewing or doing the “royal” flush!!
So, I slipped into his chambers while I was at it and checked my face in his mirror!!!!! I STOLE a tissue from the box on his desk and wiped off the smudged mascara, filled up my water bottle and left the scene of the crime. I went back to my desk, threw away the rest of my sandwich and went and made a cup of soup because I was still hungry!!!! Oh, and I told Penny…………….. it was such a big deal I just couldn’t keep it to myself……………. funny that??!!..aayy Penny 🙂
The other exciting thing that happened to me this week???…………………….I received this in the mail………
I got the “lady with a crack” to model it for you. It is the most beautiful hand knitted bag in (coincidently) all of my favourite colours!!!!! I won Sylvia’s (The First Day of the Rest of my Life, Docsly ) 100th blog post prize and this arrived all the way from the U S of A on Thursday. Sylvia………thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely love it and it will be treasured, and used, forever!!! Wow, you are so talented and I am absolutely thrilled to have received such a magnificent gift!!! I’m speechless 🙂
Also, I just wanted to wish “The Dash” all the best. She was being banded yesterday. I am thinking of you and can’t wait to hear how it all went. Also, my brother-in-law is being banded on Monday. I am very proud of him and know he will do well and this step will change his life!!! It is a bigger deal for a “bloke” I think? However, don’t ring me…..I’ll ring you, OK??? 🙂 I will be with you both in spirit while you gag your way through the liquid and mushie stages……..waahaaaaaaaa!!!!!