Somebody asked me not long ago if my life was a sitcom…………ummmmmm…….yep!! I seem to be attracting “animal incidents” lately. Before I get started………… This is a lorikeet……
OK…………….. So Thursday I go for my lunchbreak at work and when I get back to the courthouse I decide to sit out the front in the sun for a while and have a quick smoke (so shoot me!!) Then I hear someone whistle at me. I think…..”Fair enough….I know I have it goin’ on. Some people just take a little longer to realise it” 🙂 Then they whistle again and I start looking around. Then whistle, whistle, whistle and I look up into the tree on the footpath near me and I spot a gorgeous lorikeet. Now, I realise he must be an escapee because he is now going through quite a few different “people” whistles and cocking his head at me. I’m like…….”Oh, you poor thing!! Come on darling, come on…come down to Nola”. He’s like ” No way sista!! I’m not coming out of this safe tree”.
Now, the courthouse is situated on a T-intersection that is governed by traffic lights and the sight of me standing talking to a tree is starting to attract a bit of attention!! I felt the need to say, “There is a parrot up in the tree” when people walked past. They just smiled and nodded and walked a little quicker!! Then the security guard comes out because he wants to know why I am out the front talking to a tree. I show him the bird. He is a big softie like me and just happens to have an apple in his hand! I will call the security guard Waldorf (because that’s what I call him!! Him and the other security guard sit together at their desk and chuckle away all day and they look like Waldorf and Statler off the muppetts sitting up in the balcony…. you know? 🙂 ) So Waldorf holds the apple up high and the lorikeet seems really interested and looks hungry. So he starts edging down the branches coming a bit closer. But Waldorf’s reach is a bit short of the lowest branch…… so we hatch a plan. We go inside and find a 2 step ladder and take that out. I also find an empty reflex paper box. I plan to let Waldorf catch to bird and then I will get him to put the bird into the box!!….brilliant!!
So, Waldorf climbs up the ladder with his apple bait. Now my workmate, Aysha has come out for a look also. Aysha is very obviously pregnant. She is also brilliant and brought some plums out as extra incentive for the bird to leave his tree. Cars are going around the corner and nearly running off the road because there is me with a box, Aysha with plums and Waldorf up a ladder holding an apple. Nobody can see the bloody bird……so we must have looked farking mental !!
So, the bird comes down and sits on the apple and starts pecking at it. So, I say to Waldorf, “Just put your other hand in behind his bum and grab him while he is busy with the apple.” So, Waldorf does what he is told and the bloody bird sinks his beak into Waldorf’s finger and bites him……..hard!! Waldorf lets go of the bird and says, “F…ing c…..t of a thing!!!” Well, I damn near choked because I have NEVER heard Waldorf swear and I have never seen him move so fast……he jumped off that ladder shaking his bleeding hand like SUPER WALDORF!!!!!!!! lol, lol Why is someone else’s pain sooooo funny!!? Thank goodness nobody else heard his cussing except me and Aysha 🙂
So then Aysha comes up with another brilliant idea. I get the leftover christmas table cloth from the court christmas party…..we have the box…..and Aysha sticks the apple on the end of my Bunnings Hardware umbrella!!!! The dastardly plan was to get the bird to jump onto the apple again which would be attached to the umbrella………then Aysha would sneakilly lower the umbrella and I would cover him with the Christmas tablecloth and quickly shove the bird, apple, umbrella and all into the box……..
I was crying laughing by now. This was our last desperate attempt to “save” the lorikeet. Our lunchtime was over. Well, it was a total failure and the bloody bird flew off past the fire station and into the Legal Aid office gardens. We reckon he was going to get some free legal advice re- biting Waldorf’s hand and coping with the fall-out from that!! 🙂
The next morning……………………………
I am reading the paper while I have my coffee before work. What do I see?? “Lost from Upper Burnie. Lorikeet…reward” I’m like, “I know where that farking lorikeet of yours is mate!!” So, I ring the number and I tell the man that answered that his lorikeet had been causing havoc outside the courthouse and was last seen by us at Legal Aid. He said he was really suprised it bit Waldorf because it doesn’t like women and is usually good with blokes. Well, what was he saying??…that Waldorf was a big girl !! 🙂 Yeah he was……he sooked about his finger for the rest of the day!! The bird was called Elmo and was a girl. (His kids named it). Elmo had landed in their yard 14yrs ago and, after advertising and nobody claiming her, they kept her. Now, she was on the loose again. She had actually got quite a long way from her home…about 4kms. It is all downhill though….she probably got caught in a downdraft 🙂
Soooooooo…..I go to work and am telling Waldorf and Aysha about ringing Elmo’s family. My boss hears the conversation and says, “I was in Target late yesterday afternoon and a lorikeet flew in there and landed on someone’s shoulder”. So this bloody bird has been to the courthouse, checked out the firestation, called in on Legal Aid and now it feels the need for a little retail therapy!! I ring the guy again and let him know his stupid bird had been in Target. I am guessing they would have caught it because otherwise it would set their alarms off all night? So the guy was going to go down to Target and see what happened to Elmo.
I am sooooooo going to ring his number again tomorrow and see what he found out about Elmo from Target. I hope he got her back…….even though she is a vicious, finger biting little bird!! ……I wish her all the best and happy and safe flying 🙂
So, that was just in my lunch hour!!! By the way……we haven’t had a visit from Stumpy for around two weeks now 😦 Ricky and I were talking about him this morning. There has been a noisy awful seagull turning up and I said I think he is an “alpha” gull and has scared Stumpy away……….
Ricky said, “Nahhhh….I reckon he’s dead!” Well, thanks very farking much, Ricky!!!! You could have been a little more “gentle” with the delivery of your theory!! Still……everytime I see a seagull lately, I check to see if they have no feet. I just can’t help it……probably always will.