Lime Spiders & Llamas…

OK….been a while.  Been a bit busy with this and that!!  Soooooooooo…..let me see………….

Valentines Day went well….we don’t usually bother. Or should I say, Ricky doesn’t usually bother and I pretend I don’t care either!!  I always get him some chocolates though….. some years he has launched into the “I hate being dictated to by commercialism, I will buy you something when I want to not when I am told to….blah, blah, blah.  Last year I got roses delivered to work!!  That was pretty cool.  I had been going through a bad patch though and I think pity and guilt got to him last year.  This year I got a huge suprise.  He remembered me pointing out something in the shop window when we were waiting for his parents to turn up at the Chinese restaurant.  That was a few weeks ago.  He went and brought it and gave it to me for Valentines day!!!  It is a dragonfly….I just liked it’s simplicity and form and it really caught my eye…….I now have it sitting on my bedhead………he is turning soft in his old age!!!

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Now for Sunday……..

We decided to take the dogs and go for a Sunday drive.  We went to where we built our first little house on the river and were amazed at how the trees we had planted had shot up.  We then went down to the river/picnic area and let the dogs have a swim and a run around.  Here is me………..spot the dog bums…..they walked away just as he took the photo………….

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Then we went to Sheffield (The town of murals).  We used to live there too.  It was a beautiful day and we walked around the streets having a sticky beak and checking out what was new or changed since we lived there.  Then we decided to treat ourselves to a drink and something to eat at one of the little cafes there.  We got a table outside on the footpath…………………THAT’S WHEN THE TROUBLE STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!

Decided to go all out and ordered a lime spider each and a toasted sandwich.  The spiders came out first and the lovely lady brought a big bowl of water for the dogs.  It was delicious!!  I suppose I had drunk about half my spider by the time the sangas came out.  The dogs were loving it.  Plenty to look at….heaps of tourists about and every 2nd person stopped and admired the dogs and gave them a pat.  Harry was in heaven. A horse and cart went up the street and Scarlett had a pink fit over that!!  Harry just hid behind Ricky’s chair.  Other dogs walked past with their parents and Scarlett did more pink fitting and Harry did more hiding.  A man that lives in Sheffield takes his Llama on a leash up the town too…….bit of a tourist thing. He has a little donation box around it’s neck.  Everyone stops and pats it and has their photo taken with it.  This is what the llama looked like……

llamaThis isn’t actually THE llama…..but this one is the same colour and looks like it.

So, I take maybe three bites of my ham, cheese and onion sanga and THAT’S WHEN THE TROUBLE STARTED!!  I said to Ricky “My God, I am in so much pain!!”  And I mean…..I was IN SO MUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I could hardly breathe and I honestly thought I was going to die!  (OK…I knew I wasn’t….but it FELT like it!)

Then the bloody spider and sanga came bubbling up!  Oh My God!!!  I was out in the open….in bloody public.  I grabbed a very thin, flimsy paper serviette and took off around the corner.  There was a little laneway/drive at the side of the cafe.  Ricky was going, “Are you alright?  What’s wrong?”  He was really panicking.  Not as much as me.  I couldn’t answer him because my mouth was full of bloody lime spider and bits of sandwich.  Opening my mouth was NOT an option!!  It was farking gross!!!  It was coming up into my nose and I could actually feel it bubbling in my throat like a farking volcano about to erupt!!  Green lava…….eeewwwwwwwww

  In the meantime the llama started walking in our direction on OUR side of the street.  I forgot I had Scarlett tied to my chair and when she saw I had disappeared around the corner she threw another pink fit and took off after me!!!  So, I am trying to be inconspicuous with a serviette shoved over my mouth hiding behind a bush in a laneway and here comes a farking runaway Jack Russell dragging an aluminium chair behind her into the laneway!!!!

 Clatter, clatter clunk, clunk………don’t leave me Mum……don’t leave me!!!!  I was going to open my mouth and spew but there was windows on the bloody side of the cafe facing the laneway.  I discreetly shoved the serviette into a bush and frantically looked around for somewhere else to retreat to while I rounded up Scarlett and the bloody chair.  I wondered where Ricky was and why he had let her take off………….with the chair.

Well, he was having his own dramas!! He also had Harry tied to his chair……..so he explained later…..he couldn’t get the lead untied quickly enough to grab Scarlett and he couldn’t jump up because Harry would have taken off with his chair also.  AND BESIDES…..the farking llama had come over to Harry and Harry had panicked (because he is the bravest dog in the world?) and tipped over the water bowl and went in and around and under the chair trying to get away from the llama because it had “snorted” at him!!!!  AND…….poor Harry wet himself.  Well, in his defence….it WAS a farking big llama…….compared to him anyway 🙂

All the while I was making like a bloody lime coloured fountain ornament and going blue in the face with my mouthful of spider and more trying to bubble up!!  It was then I realised the cafe had a toilet inside the building………I headed straight for that.  A lady tried to talk to me…..I just raced past her. She must have thought I was a rude bitch!  She was going on about how cute Scarlett was!!!……..If she only knew what a farking little bitch that dog can be!!!!  LIKE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ricky was still saying “Are you all right?  What’s wrong???” while he is trying to untangle Harry from around HIS chair!!

I got to the toilet and just opened my mouth and it came gushing out.  What a relief!  So, I went back out and explained to Ricky what had happened and was about to tell him off for not grabbing Scarlett until he pointed to the upturned water bowl and the little “puddle” behind his chair.  If someone had a video of that they would have made a fortune I’m sure 🙂  So, we made a hasty retreat and decided to go straight back to the car before any more drama unfolded.  Scarlett was snorting like a little pig and pulling on the lead…..she had worked herself up into such a bloody frenzy that she had one of her doggy asthma attacks!!   In her little dog world horses, other dogs, llamas and her mother abandoning her was just too much in one day!!

We ended up at my parents house where we had a nice, relaxing bbq lunch and some cool NOT FIZZY drinks!!   I have learnt a lesson ….. no fizzy drinks followed by food….and slow down, slow down!!!!  Bloody band!!!!  Love it 🙂

Oh….and Harry the Braveheart…..Llama slayer of the highest order turned five!!!!  I had a little party for him when the family came over for a bbq lunch the other weekend……………………

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Here he is about to tuck into the mince and carrot patty cakes with cheese slice “sails” and chops for garnish 🙂 They didn’t get the chop bones though….too dangerous. Karen’s dog, Gloria and Alice came to his party.  Alice is throwing herself on the ground here because she was jealous it wasn’t all about her!  And there was definitely NO red cordial for Scarlett!!! 🙂

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30 thoughts on “Lime Spiders & Llamas…

  1. Love the photo! Hot hot hot!

    I haven’t tried softdrink yet, don’t think I will real soon either, thanks for sharing the experience.

    I loved the dog birthday party! You are a dead set fruit loop! It is what I love about you the most….lol

    Tracey

  2. Poor thing! That must have been horrible. Funny. But horrible at the time.
    I love your Valentine gift it’s adorable and so are the dogs with the birthday hats!

  3. I’m at work – just thought I’d check the blogs (and you hadn’t posted for ages), serious argument between two colleagues going on in the background… and I start to laugh and simply can’t stop. Your description is visually very funny, and in the end I’m looking at the screen with my face cradled in my hands and tears coming down my cheeks… and it stopped the argument stone dead, they both wanted to know why I was laughing so hard. So your good influence is spreading far and wide!!

    Gotta say though that fizzy lime drink sounds absolutely vile… sorry Nola!! The only alcoholic lime drink I’d walk for miles for is a caipirinha, a Brazilian cocktail consisting of clear sugar cane spirit, freshly squeezed lime juice, lots of crushed ice and a lot of sugar. Gorgeous.

    Okeydokey – back to work. Thanks for the break!

    Caroline

  4. Oh, look, I know it’s not funny when you have that awful uncontrollable urge to bring up everything you’ve eaten, but the dog is not the only one to wet itself. Thanks very much – I’ve actually just pissed myself laughing (okay well not really, but close!) You are hysterical!

    Love the photo. You are looking spectacularly gorgeous, I must say.

    Cat

  5. You know – you should write a book of your lapping experiences! That story had me in fits, not nice for you but there was a funny side.

    You’re looking great in the photo:-)

  6. I don’t know how you do it, but you even make a barfing experience sound comical. I guess in retrospect that’s an excellent lens through which to view the whole thing. At the time, it sounds pretty horrific. Sheffield sounds like a fun place to visit (including the llama, but minus the barfing).

  7. That was farking hysterical! I could picture it all.. . right down to the little puddle by the chair. PERFECT… wish I had been there!
    Awesome redition, awesome post. LOVED IT.

  8. Alice was NOT jealous (well, maybe just a little bit!) she was embarrassed because you gave her a hat that was not HER colour! She wanted a pink one – or aqua, or maybe purple to match her collar and lead. She is very fashion conscious and wouldn’t be seen dead in the wrong accessories.

    East your heart out Paris! Mum

  9. Love , loved that account of your weekend. I am still wiping the tears from my eyes.

    I learnt the gassy drink problem a while ago – much to my disdain!

  10. when I saw the title of the post I thought, uh..oh…you must have been bitten by a spider. As I read on I was horrified at your poor fizzy self. Believe me by the end I was snorting out Pepsi. You are Hilarious and you look damn hot too 😉

  11. I loved Sheffield when we went there and I actually wanted to buy a shop which was a cafe. From memory they specialised in pancakes or scones? Can’t remember now.

    You look great! Loved the pics and the great story! I love lime spiders and coke ones too. Don’t think I’ll be trying one though.

    Bel

    PS. Shoot me through your email address and I’ll add you to Miss Piggy Revealed. That has all my photos on it (including my head!)

  12. Oh, Nola. I was laughing so hard while reading. I didn’t know what a lime spider was but now I know. I have been told no carbonation and now it makes sense. I have thought about putting a paper towel and brown paper bag in my purse as I have had troubles too. I love your dogs and you are looking quite trim. Take care.

  13. As much as it was not funny for you at the time. It was sooo funny to read about your lime lava:P
    I love the doggy party too cool.
    Oh and yeh you lookin great in your photo! Even with the dog bums:)

    Cheers Tina

  14. I am sorry that you had such a painfull and hectic time, but to be honest, I dont think I have laughed so hard for such a long time. So well written.. 🙂
    Nene

  15. I couldn’t help laughing Nola… you poor thing, but how bloody funny! Only in Tassie would there be llamas going down the street! hehe 😀

    And you are looking gorgeous, chickadee. Yay for you!

    xoxo

  16. My God what a “gas” you are! You look stunning…however I’d have those toenails looked at. Are they sore? lol
    What’s a sticky beak?
    Give us more information about what you feed your dogs. I make my own dog food, and those carrot balls looked great.
    I miss you. Haven’t been blogging – in case you hadn’t noticed – because I’m completely tuckered when I’m not at work…and the computer nazi won’t allow us access to our blogs at the office.
    Thanks for the laughs!

  17. Thanks for the laugh you crazy cow! You’ve got me almost looking forward to my first PB/chunder – I hope mine is as entertaining. I actually felt like a lime spider but I can taste it in my nose now so the craving is kinda gone (once again you’re a great weight loss inspiration!). Your pic looks fab and most of my friends kids dont have birthday parties that look that good! Can you put a camera on your dog’s head next time so we can footage too? That’d be great!

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