A funeral, a fatal, a fill and a fall……

Farking hell……where to start!!!  Well, my uncle’s funeral was on Friday.  Yes, it was very sad and all that……but it had been expected and for his poor family, I expect a relief in many ways.  So……moving right along…..it was soooooo FARKING hot!!!!!!  Most of Australia has been suffering through a heat wave for the last few weeks and Tasmania has not escaped.  We have the odd very hot day throughout our summers….but rarely more than 3 or 4 in a row and then it cools back down to the low 20’s again.  This time…..pushing 40 for a week or more…….hoolie doolie!!!

What was I saying???….oh yeah……the funeral.  We had bottles of water and took the umbrellas from the back of the car for shade when we were doing the graveside burial bit.  Even before hand when we were inside for the service…it was hot!!!  Everyone was using their service guides as a hand fan. Karen, Ricky and myself were walking back to the car and I started saying how I wanted my funeral………under no farking circumstances are they to play a “sounds of nature” soundtrack whilst showing unflattering photos of me or play anything from Slim Dusty!!!!  I said I liked the white doves they released as they lowered the coffin at this funeral…..I wouldn’t mind that.  Well……they were on a roll then!!!!!!!!

I want to wait two days just to make sure I am really dead and then be cremated.  Then I don’t want a “traditional” service…..I want them to put my ashes in some nice, colourful pottery thingy and have a wine and cheese afternoon at some pub and put my ashes in the middle somewhere on a table (because I like being the centre of attention!).  Then people can take it in turns telling funny stories about times they have spent with me 🙂  Then, a day or two later when everyone gets over their hangovers they can take me for a spin down to “our” beach (where my beloved dogs ashes have been sprinkled before me) and scatter me about!!

Karen and Ricky said  “Well, the doves are a bit expensive!!  How about we get Stumpy and his mates to come down to the beach.  They would do it for a few chips!!”  lol, lol  Then they said, ” We could keep ourselves amused for hours pretending we were going to throw a chip but instead throw some of your ashes and watch them all squawk and dive on bits of you thinking you were a chip!!”   How farking hilarious are those two!!!?????

Then Saturday I left early to get up to Launceston for my appointment for my third fill with Dr Dreamy.  I was picking Karen up on the way and she was coming with me for the company and the laughs.  I was cutting it a bit fine time wise.  Then I got pulled over with other traffic at 7.15am because there had been a car accident and they were not letting traffic through just yet and it would probably be a 10 or 15 minute hold-up!!  Oh NOOOOOO……I couldn’t be late for my appointment with Dr Dreamy and I still had to pick Karen up.  Anyway I got to move up the line a bit more and had the pleasure of being able to watch them load one of the bodies (in a body bag of course) into the mortuary wagon.  I mean, I have seen this sort of thing heaps of times…..but when you are the one travelling it is a very, very sobering sight and makes you take the lead out of your foot somewhat!  I had been going just a teensy weensy bit over the speed limit prior to that!!

So, I pick Karen up……we “sedately” drive to Launceston and I pulled up in Dr Dreamy’s carpark with 2 minutes to spare.  Phewwwww!!  I was panicking I was in the wrong place until Karen pointed out that the black porshe parked in the carpark had personalised number plates with Dr Dreamy’s initials on them…….so we checked out his “wheels” as we walked past and tried not to drool on the paint job!  He was his usual gorgeous, laid back self and we had a bit of a joke with him and asked him how he could bear to be seen out on the highway in a bloody jalopy like that!!

I told him Karen had accidently scratched the side of it with the buckle on her handbag as we walked past it…….he didn’t even flinch….just laughed!!  That man rocks!!  I mean….here is a surgeon that drives four hours from his home base to Launceston to save his more “remote” patients from having to drive to see him.  I think he does that every three months and he spends Sat and Sun seeing people just doing fills and unfills etc (up to 400 in one weekend I believe).  Karen said it best, “You can tell he loves and believes in what he does”…….Dr Dreamy, You deserve as many Porches as you can fit in your driveway as far as I’m concerned…you put in the hard yards and you are just a kind, decent, understanding, funny & just a touch “unstable” like the rest of us kind of guy 🙂  Oh…..and if you are reading this….”Can I have a drive…can I, can I ???? ”

Here is Karen in the Launceston mall after my fill making sure it hasn’t affected her ability to drink liquids….lol

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That red trolley in the background is a nice touch!!  She is the best sister and the best support team I could ever wish for!!  She is also hilarious, weird and most definitely certifiable….buy hey….I can relate!!

Ahhhh…..the fall?????    Well……..while we were away my husband was putting some finishing touches on his new shed.  He was carrying a ladder out the door of the shed and trod on the edge of an old cement path and went down like a bag of shit!!!!  …..  to put it in a nutshell for you 🙂  So, when I got home from Launceston I spent the rest of my day sitting in the Burnie casualty department who’s air conditioning was not working with, what seemed like, a thousand screaming, hot, upset children and their equally upset parents. At this stage he is on crutches and off work until Wednesday when the doctor will take another scan after swelling goes down.  Looks like he may have done the ligament in his foot…..which will mean surgery!!  Great!!!  We are really, really hoping it just turns out to be a bad sprain.  He is OK and it isn’t too painful as long as he stays off it and I keep feeding him panadol and bowing to his every whim and need!!!! I have got him a weeks worth of DVD’s to watch while I am at work this week……*sigh*  Everyone is saying poor Ricky, poor Ricky….what about farking me!!??  I am the one that will have to put up with him being an invalid for possibly weeks!!  Here he is having some “medicine” at his parents place that night…………………..

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Not a very flattering photo of the poor luv!!  He looks like he would be a candidate for my old double ‘D’s’ when I shrink a bit 🙂  I told him he looks like a God to me…………………………… Yeah…Buddha 🙂   *crackin’ up here*

So………as far as this latest fill goes…..I now have 5.5mls in my 10ml band.  So far I feel a hell of a lot fuller after eating something than before.  I am unable to eat as much as before either.  Like, I could eat two pieces of toast the day before this fill….today I struggled with one piece.  I hope it lasts!!!!  I will keep you informed.  I feel all fired up again now though and like I am ready for another “burst” of energy and weight loss.  The last few weeks have been tough and I have lacked any sort of energy or get up and go…..it just got up and went!!  I will keep you informed of course!!

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16 thoughts on “A funeral, a fatal, a fill and a fall……

  1. We heard about your heatwave last night on the national news in the UK, and it made me smile to find myself thinking automatically ‘wonder how the bandsisters are coping – will it make a difference to their restriction’ !!

    I sometimes think about what sort of funeral to have, though even more about where I would want to be buried or scattered – here or Argentina. I still don’t have an answer. I just can’t cope with the concept that at the time I won’t know anyway!

    The idea of a cheerful pottery urn in pride of place in the pub with your family and friends gathered around it having a drink and glancing at it fearfully is hysterical as a visual gag – in fact it reminds me of funny Australian films I’ve seen!

    “He looks like a God to me – yeah… Buddha” is just wonderful, and I hearby warn you that I am going to pinch it to use on John at the next available opportunity.

    I’m relieved by your 3rd fill comment – because I can only claim to be feeling slightly more restriction than before my 1st fill last week. Your despairing previous comments make sense to me now – I suppose I expected wonders overnight.

    P.S. Um – I gather you make a far better policewoman than a nurse???

    Caroline

  2. Hiya,

    your blog is always amusing and very funny… pictures of Stumpy pecking at your ashes keep flitting across my eyes… lol. Men can always be a pain when it comes to pain, so I wish him a speedy recovery for your sake! I am feeling more positive today, the start of a new month, a fill and … the sun is shining (it’s bloody cold still though, with snow expected).

    :o)
    xx

  3. Dang Girl…first the Pedometer story, and now funerals and fills, and falls…oh My! I’m with you on that whole funeral thing. I do like the sound of the bag pipes. I told the man that I’d like to have a big party and have the rock band Van Halen play..if I haven’t knocked off before them.

    Everytime I think of the Urn thing, I think of the “Meet the Parents” movie where Ben Stiller accidently shoots the champagne cork into the beloved remains of “GranGran”. The urn crashes to the floor and the cat immediately goes over to squat, pee and bury. I was rolling, cuz chances are…that would be my remains!

  4. A couple of years ago went to an old neighbours funeral, we used to go to WW together so were also good mates, Her casket left the funeral and came with us to the rooms while everyone had a drink (she wanted a party) then she was escorted to the cemetry with Harley Davidsons – she was 80! What a way to go!

    MMM – your man looks exactrly like mine, sitting there with his foot up, being waited on. Re – the liagment damage, I fractured an ankle, had quite bad liagment damage and no op, just physio?

  5. Agree with your funeral sentiments – lots of people don’t realize how flexible you can be with funerals and just go with the flow of what the funeral home suggests. I’m with you – let’s go to the pub.

  6. Sorry to hear about your Uncle. Iv’e also given my instructions to my family but they will probably stuff it up.

    I hope your fill goes well and gives you the correct restriction, it’s bloody frustrating waiting for the damn thing to get right!

  7. So sorry to hear about your Uncle. I’ve got al my plans ready to go but who know what my family will do…just hope i’m really gone before they do it!

    Hope everything works out well for hubby and that you get a little break from all the drama….God luv ya girl…

  8. I would have loved to be a part of your “after I die” conversation. I’m positively enthusiastic about my after death plans, not the funeral part of it. My kidlets (and hubby if they’re alive) can do whatever they want to do re. that. The celebration you imagine sounds totally right on to me. The exciting thing is what I’ve set up for my “final resting place.” You see, I believe in recycling. I will be buried in a cotton shroud, which I’ve already made using old nightgowns. I can add to this shroud if I live long enough to wear out the ones I’m currently using. I’ll be buried next to an old growth tree adjacent to a wildlife area. Eventually the worms, etc. will eat my flesh. Eventually they’ll decompose and the nutrients will pass on. And on. And on. It’s all so exciting. (And you think you’re weird???)

  9. [Quote]Karen and Ricky said “Well, the doves are a bit expensive!! How about we get Stumpy and his mates to come down to the beach. They would do it for a few chips!!” lol, lol Then they said, ” We could keep ourselves amused for hours pretending we were going to throw a chip but instead throw some of your ashes and watch them all squawk and dive on bits of you thinking you were a chip!!” How farking hilarious are those two!!!?????[End Quote]

    Thanks!!! I’m laughing so hard my incisions are hurting!!!

    I think you need to put a warning at the top of each of your posts ***If you have just had surgery, DO NOT READ, you’ll hurt your incisions!***

  10. The four Fs….so odd that Austrailia is in a different climate zone then America….If I could afford it I would live there from November until MArch and move back to America.

  11. I told my brother and sister-in-law I wanted to be cremated and scattered on a golf course and she just had a hissy fit. Well where would I come and visit you?? Says she… Anywhere the wind blows, says I. Well, to wind it all down I said I won’t be there so if you want to spend good money then put me in the casket face down so everyone can kiss my ass goodbye!!! She wasn’t crazy about that idea, either, but I think it is foolish to spend that kind of money and all since I have no children (of the 2 legged variety anyhow) and I’ve never been one to go visit grave sites of those I love anyway.

    Oh, yes, if I had a Porsche like the good doctor I wouldn’t mind a four hour drive. But then again, he works hard for the money, so I guess I shouldn’t begrudge him a spin in the Porsche… I’m just jealous.

    Helen

    I’m going to the post office today… I’ve never sent anything to Tasmania so I don’t know how long it will take, but your surprise will be on it’s way.

  12. geeeeeee I can’t write anything…too sore from laughing so much…..geeee wisdh I could tell a story like you!!

    Hope hubby’s foot is better soon and no surgery required.

  13. Nola, you have a way of taking the events of life and making them so interesting to read about. You are so lucky to have a sister to share your life. I have a wonderful brother and he is 9 years younger and has been a real support in this but a sister must be special. I like to be the center of attention also and may consider the option. My husband fell off our upper roof several years ago and broke his ankle and foot. Nasty pain and even now when he gardens or climbs ladders it causes him to limp for a time after. I am hoping for a fill in two weeks to constrict and help with appetite.

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