Pedometers…..

Do people that design things really think about it…… I mean really think?  If I was a pedometer designer I would be thinking the majority of my target market may be overweight to some extent….hence the interest in walking and how far you walk?

 

Pedometers, at least the half dozen I have tried over my time……..are NOT MADE FOR FAT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who needs the motivation the most…..  farking fat people!!!!!!!  I remember my first “serious” pedometer.  Not the type you get for free out of a cereal box or on a magazine…..no, no, no…this was heavy duty stuff.  I paid a small fortune for it.  It played me music, it spoke to me, it counted my steps, kilometres and calories. Hell…it probably even had an automatic condom dispenser…who knows!!   This baby was made for the serious walker!!!  I brought this machine when I was living down the Wild West and working as an Occupational, Health & Safety Coordinator for a mining contractor.  In charge of 177 strapping, sweaty miners wearing nothing but a skimpy blue singlet ……..*sigh*………..but I digress 🙂

 

Of course….. as always…. I had weight  “issssh-ooozzz”  and this was my latest fad.  I loved pressing the buttons on the top as I walked and have it tell me how great I was!!!  …. well, how far I had walked anyway.  I have never bothered with belts.  Still not up to the belt stage yet. My natural rolls kept my trousers up!!  Why don’t I wear belts?  because they don’t make belts farking wide enough to fit fat people like me….and they do not suit fat people!  Even if I could have found one that fitted, the minute I sat down and stopped holding my breath the bastard would disappear into the abyss of my fat rolls never to be seen again!!  I would have to call mine rescue to get the bastard out again!! I would just hook the pedometer over the waistband of my trackies when I left to go walking.  I never actually sat down with the pedometer on……….

I wore it to work on the first day back…..I was interested to know how far I walked in a 12hr day at work.  I did wear a belt to work because it was the law!  You had to have the belt on to hold the self rescuer (for underground) radio and other paraphinalia (sp?) onto it for my job!  I went to a staff meeting first up one day with the mine manager and other assorted “knobs” in attendance…………………..I SAT DOWN…………..

La, la, la, la……  *beep* you have done 1368 steps…..*beep* la, la, la    The buttons were on the top of  the bloody pedometer and when I sat down my rolls of  fat folded over and set the buttons off!!!  I had to stand up and lift my shirt up to get the bloody thing to turn off!!!  How embarrassing!!!!  They didn’t let me live that one down for a while!! 

 

The other thing I noticed about this pedometer was the reading was never right…..on me.   BECAUSE….my fat rolls kept pressing the buttons and stuffing the reading.  One day I had apparently done 60,000 steps by morning tea time…..go me 🙂

 

pedometer-2So, here is my handy hint for the day………………..  If, like me, you have a little surplus  “hornbagness”  to be rid of ….and you are going to purchase a pedometer……….get one with the buttons on the FARKING SIDE!!!!!   Or just count for  yourself….it will take your mind off the fact that your knees and butt are bloody killing you 🙂

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19 thoughts on “Pedometers…..

  1. ROFL! I stopped wearing my pedometer when I realised it recorded my blubber flapping around as a step!!!

    Love the sun lounge by the way, so they have ones for the gut as well.

  2. Surplus hornbagness…. You are so farkin’ funny. I love how you turn a phrase.

    My give-away surprise is posted. And I’d pay for shipping to Tassie-land if you get picked. Check it out.

    Helen

  3. I hate hate hate pedometers! I have killed 3 by jumping into the pool with them still on… 2 stopped going for no good reason and at least 3 more just did not work properly. I have given up on the buggers! Pffffft.

  4. nah don’t wear them, never have! I recon I walk enough minutes without knowing how many darn steps I took. Plus me and gadgets just don’t mix..I always press the wrong darn buttons…bahhhhhhh

  5. I have to admit that I have never owned, nor used a pedometre in my life.

    I don’t have any problem counting the amount of steps I do in a day.

    Isn’t that what we have fingers and toes for? Thats why I never do more than 20 in one go…duh.

  6. LOL… I have one that connects to my DS. (nintendo DS) and I always (when I remember) wear it on the side almost on the hip, it’s count is quite acurate to. I should dig mine out, we should post how many steps we take lke a competition……LOL. I bet I will lose!!!!

  7. I’ve given up on them, although must admit they do motivate me to move my ass!

    LOL – I was once in this “posh” shop tryin g on clothes, whipped of my skirt, my pedometer went flying – out of the cubicle and ended up in the next door cubicle. I called out “sorry” then eventually some posh tart wandered it and handed the pedometer back to me, without even a smile.

  8. Hmmm for some reason, none of my comments are getting through to you. If this one does, just know that I’m reading and loving your blog!

    I tried a pedometer for a while but I guess my body jingling caused extra steps to be counted! I’ve given up now!

  9. Just when we all need a lift, you write another essay that keeps us laughing. Did you know that you burn calories when you laugh? Neither did I? Surplus hornbagness? I like the sound of it.

  10. Too funny!!

    My pedometer comes from http://www.walkingwithattitude.com.au (little plug for the site!) and is bloody awesome! It’s so accurate it’s scary. And you cannot accidently re-set it either, it resets at midnight by itself. It doesn’t talk to you though, thank goodness!

    The other good bit is you can have it on a lanyard, or in your pocket, it doesn’t have to be on your belt – I always wear mine on a lanyard, under my shirt. I did wear it into the pool at Seaworld, and thought it was destroyed, but it came good a few days later and now works just fine!

  11. I like your digression about the sexy sweating minors.
    And I continue to be amazed at how well and how humorously you can write about something as mundane as a pedometer. I wonder if you’ve considered sending out some of your writing for publication. This bit about pedometers would be appropriate for any health oriented mag. The Weight Watchers mag. might be in the market for something like this I would think. Re. getting a pedometer, it’s one of the things I’ve considered, but not yet done. I’m going to check out the one downsyzemen recommends.

  12. I found that if I shook mine the steps went up without me going anywhere… defeted the object really so in the bin it went and has stayed there…lol

    ;o)
    xx

  13. Hey from the old Okie…

    Nola, if you will e-mail me an address, I found some earrings that I put together that only you could do justice to… no special reason other than you didn’t get drawn in my give-away, and I truly love to read your blog. You are so much fun… So please, do an old woman a favor and let me send you some earrings… you know you want to!!!

    Thanks for being you, my Tasmaniac friend.

    Helen

  14. I lost multiple pedometers to toilets! They would always fall off when undiong or doing up my pants or whatever and fling straight into the loo.

    I just won’t fetch them out either.

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