Well, I believe I get “flashes” of what my band is supposed to achieve and what it is capable of doing. But at the moment I am eating whatever and however much I want really.
For a little while there after my 2nd fill I found the first thing I ate for the day, be it in the morning or the afternoon, was a little painful. I would stop, wait for the pain to subside, then go on eating again. The pain only lasted a minute if that. But once it had it’s “warm-up” I was hot to trot!! To be honest it is pissing me off!! I realise it takes a bit of tweeking and will continue to do so……..but I just want to get to the stage where I feel I am being “stopped” from eating too much and at the moment, I don’t believe that is happening.
As I said, I think I am getting moments where it feels like it should feel when working correctly. That’s when I think that this is fabulous and feel great and know that once I hit my “sweet spot” things will be dandy and a little easier. But right now, …….today, yesterday and no doubt tomorrow……..I am feeling disappointed and frustrated!! Nobody said it was going to be an easy ride…..but geeezzzzz. I thought I would be eating a lot, lot less by now and losing more weight.
I go up and down with how I feel. Most days I think of nothing else except food. I sit down, and eat. And I keep eating…..just testing to see if I will feel that “I couldn’t eat another thing” feeling. I very rarely do!!! I think I should!! What’s going on? Like, I think I should only be capable of eating half a slice of that big, thick raisin toast, cafe style bread? Well, that’s what I think would be reasonable with the band and ample for survival. Today I ate two whole slices of that in one sitting!! Then I had another slice of it for lunch and I have just finished a big bowl of stirfried vegetables with noodles and salsa sauce!! I have only just finished that bowl and I suppose I feel “full” but I could still murder a bowl of ice-cream or a slice of bread and jam or something like that!! I think I shouldn’t be thinking like that……I shouldn’t be thinking about what else I can eat at all. I should feel satisfied!!
I have been trying to make healthy choices and all that sort of stuff but I am finding it just as difficult at the moment as I did before I had the band. I am happy that I have lost any weight at all really! I have hovered around the 98kg mark for the last two weeks which makes it nearly a 11kg loss since mid October. Maybe I am asking too much? Maybe it just doesn’t seem enough because I am still wearing the same old clothes? I have brought a couple of new tops and they are a size smaller……but I am still concious of the “back fat” and things like that in them. All my old clothes are far more comfortable and I can fit into stuff that was just too tight to wear before.
Oh, I don’t know…….it’s just frustrating!!! I want to feel like I have a band and have it pull me up before I eat too much!! I have been walking everyday and doing all the good stuff. I think I panic that because it isn’t coming off as fast as I like that it will go back on again? It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that this isn’t like other diets I have been on and that I wont be stopping. Like, everything else over all these years has had an expiry date……I have stopped. This doesn’t and there will be no stopping and then piling the weight back on plus some. So, I guess I am happy with that thought.
I have my 3rd fill booked for the end of this month. Hopefully I will feel the full force of the band after that one. In the meantime I will just have to battle on trying to make good choices and keeping up with my walking. The only thing I have really noticed over the last few weeks is how noisy my stomach is!!!! It rumbles and groans and moves about like never in my life before!! We can hear it over the TV!! I weigh in tomorrow……so that will be in the Goddess Graph for your viewing pleasure. The other thing is I can’t stop farting!!!! Not sure if that has anything to do with the band…..but I have never been this bad before!! I am my own one man band!
So, how is everyone else feeling and what are you doing? Go blog about it and let me know please…….am I the only one? Or leave me a nice, long comment about the kindred farting connection we have!
I took this photo of Flo from over the top of her…..very arty, farty of me!! I think she looks like a ying yang cat!