Stumpy’s Story….

Stumpy is a seagull with no feet.  He is our “pet” seagull.  It all started when I decided to feed the “poor little sparrows” on the old carport roof.  We have extended the decking at the back of our house.  We also still have an old carport next to this decking.  That is about to be pulled down and decking put there at a lower level for an outdoor living area.  Half of this new decking area will still have a roof….the importance of which will be become clear as I continue this story. So, each morning I was throwing leftover bread crusts and biscuits and other stuff I thought sparrows might like onto the carport roof.  Over the months we have got quite a little sparrow family happening.  I think we started with about 4 that were regulars……now we think we have about 30!!  I love making my morning coffee and sitting on the decking watching them feed on the crumbs and do sparrow stuff… feed on crumbs!  We have called them the “Breakfast Club”.  I now buy a cheap loaf of grain bread every week especially for the Breakfast Club!!  I was getting white….but I figured if I was a member of the Breakfast Club I would prefer grain because it was more filling and interesting……so grain it is!!  They are nice and safe up there on the roof away from my cats.

So, if I am a bit late throwing out the Breakfast Clubs breakfast they start carrying on and making lots of noise until I do!  I have become quite attached to them and even paid Georgie’s daughter to feed them every morning for me when we went on holiday.  I paid her $10 a week…..a fortune for a 6yr old!! So, one morning I am sitting there and a seagull circles overhead.  Then he comes in to land on the roof……..but he kind of bounced on his bum and aborted his landing and did another couple of circles.  I thought “Great!!”  I don’t have anything against seagulls.  It is just that where there is one there is usually a bloody 100 and I thought he and his mates would come swooping in and steal all the Breakfast Club’s breakfast.

Anyhow, he managed to land….must have been a crosswind!!  Then I noticed that he was standing funny on the corrugated iron roof and that his feet seemed to be missing.  I thought it was just because it was an uneven surface and his feet were hidden by the ripple in the iron.  But NO……he bloody well had no feet!!  He kind of walks on his bottom joints below his “knees”.  I called Ricky and he was immediately christened Stumpy by us…..very imaginative name! 

So, we make up stories to amuse ourselves about Stumpy … like how he lost his feet.  Did a fish bite them off….surely he didn’t just float there once the first one was bitten off and wait for the fish to bite the 2nd one off?  Or else it was a farking big fish and he bit both Stumpy’s feet off with one bite!  Or maybe he got fishing line tangled around them and it cut off the circulation and they dropped off…..that is my bet.  So, anyhow, we have got quite attached to Stumpy and he never seemed to have any friends.  He just arrives every morning for the last four weeks, does his graceful arse landing and gets his share of the bread. 

He even comes right over to the edge of the roof now and cocks his head to the side when we talk to him.  You know, the ususual stuff you would say to a seagull, like “Morning Stumpy”  or “Morning Stumpy, are the fish running today?”  or  “Morning Stumpy, did ya get a bit last night mate?”  We have become quite attached to our little handicapped seagull friend.  He has missed a day or two….but always turns up in the end.

Well, this morning, Stumpy turns up and joins in with the breakfast club and then what do you know!!!????…..half a dozen or so other seagulls come in to land with him!!  I am like Ricky, Ricky….come here quick….Stumpy has brought some friends home!!  Then I started whinging because I didn’t want other seagulls on our roof because they scare the breakfast club and poop everywhere.  I said, “I hope this doesn’t become a habit with Stumpy bringing extras for breakfast”.  Ricky said, “Yeah……but isn’t it nice that he felt comfortable enough to ask his friends over”  🙂

So, my question is…….do you think we need committing????   🙂

My camera doesn’t zoom in very well, so you can’t see his “handicap”…..but here is Stumpy…


We are going to leave half the roof area over our new decking…..good for shade, but more importantly, Stumpy needs a landing strip and we haven’t got the heart to totally pull down the “clubhouse” for the Breakfast Club 🙂


11 thoughts on “Stumpy’s Story….

  1. You are a nutter!!! But a nice one lol. I know that if I am ever in need of a feed, I can always lob into your place [with friends even] and I would get fed.

    Ricky must be just as mad as you, but maybe he just humours you because you are an ole hornbag? [Talking about that, how was Sunday night?]

    Hey, how come no news about your LAPBAND? What is going on my friend? I have lost nothing since the week before Christmas because I am a slack piece of sh!t!.

    Oh well, new day dawning tomorrow.


  2. I think you should nip it in the bud!!! Stumpy was probley sent by his mates to check it out and get well in there, yeah I can hear them now, ‘go on stumpy mate, you go first, pull at the heart strings and when your in…we’ll come following!! They will love you stumpy mate…who can resist a seagull with no feet!!! and when we come give it another couple of weeks and then the other gangs can come too’

    He is a decoy-trust me, these seagull’s are cunning little blighters. you feed one…..then you have to feed them all… I feel sorry for the little sparrows. Tell stumpy he is welcome but he is not to bring his mates until they learn table manors and learn to NOT shit all over the place.

    That’s what I reckon!!!!!!!

    With love as usual,
    Zena xx

  3. What a sweet story and kudos to you for keeping a portion of the roof up for the sparrows and Stumpy. When my kidlets were little, we sometimes went to a lake to feed the ducks. We always fed them white bread. When we bought white bread for ourselves, we called it duck bread. I hope Stumpy’s friends don’t drive the sparrows away.

  4. OMG!!! ZENA!!!!! You heartless biartch!!! I suppose you think he bit his OWN feet off just to get sympathy votes as well? lol, lol
    Tracey….I would feed you and your mates….but you would have to sit on the carport roof!!! HA, HA, HA I will blog about my lapband ….maybe….tonight?? Yeah….tonight……so stop NAGGING!!

  5. Stumpy probably has prosthetic feet hiding in his nest and he takes them off and flies to your roof to feed. The goes home and puts them back on and hangs out with the rest of his feathered friends.
    Really, I think it’s great that you have adopted Stumpy. Shows how big your heart is.
    I would do the same thing!

  6. Well Nola as you happen to mention it the thought did cross my mind about him hacking of his own feet!!! but no, maybe that’s a little extream, I think his mates did it…these are hard times and food sources can be a bit sparse.

    I did think of mentioning to Tracey that if she came to yours to eat she may have to eat it up on the roof.



  7. You are such a softy!!

    I know when I stayed with you, you fed me, and I got the tour of the house, I should’ve had had a “moment” at the altar of the ‘breakfast club’..

    Maybe Stumpy lost his feet after he (or she) had a fight to the death with another seagull over food? Maybe she (or he) cut them off to ensure his ongoing food supply?

    You do realise you are now a Seagull version of Centrelink?


  8. Reminds me of the joke about the Great Oh No Bird. His dick was longer than his legs and every time he’d come in for a landing you’d hear him call “OhNO…. OhNOOOO”.

    Sorry Nola I couldn’t resist. (but it did make me, the current old gloombag, smile).


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