Miss Piggy Resurfaces…

Well, I did promise this would be an honest account of this lapband business…..so I had better fess up about today. To refresh your memory, I had my first fill about a fortnight ago. He put 3mls into my 10ml band. How do I feel?……absolutely no different to before I had the lapband to be honest.  The first few weeks were great and then I started getting hungry.  But my willpower kicked in because I knew my first fill wasn’t far away….so I had the fortitude I guess, to resist all things “bad” and I was a little scared to eat too much anyway, because I wasn’t sure what would happen.

Then I had my first fill and I was still too “scared” to eat too much in case something got stuck or whatever.  But over the last couple of days I have been getting hungry and gradually I have been “testing” the limits.  Well, I have found that I have no limits really!!  Yesterday I ate four steamed dim sims in one sitting…..and I didn’t even eat them all that slowly to be honest.  I think, if the band was working properly, ie: the right amount of fill, then I would only be able to manage maybe two dim sims? I have had most vegetables, toast, rice, lettuce and other bits and pieces since the fill. Things I know others have difficulty with on occasion. I know my portions have been a bit on the large side too! Not as much as I would normally eat…but too large just the same. Then, today I got game……..I have those nice, fresh thinnish hamburger rolls on the bench.  They are there because I brought them to make up Ricky’s lunch….but I hadn’t got around to putting the rest in the freezer……big mistake!!  God, if there is one thing I have craved since being banded it is fresh bread with real butter!! 

I have had yesterday, today and tomorrow off work and back on Thursday.  Days of “home alone” when Ricky is at work have always been my downfall.  All I think about is what I might eat……and that is resurfacing big time!!  I try to keep busy….but all the time I think about what I might eat.  What’s in the freezer?  What’s in the fridge? What’s in the pantry?….farking hell.  I am not even going to try and explain why I have these “fits”….I couldn’t.  I don’t understand myself. But I know some of you will totally understand where I am coming from!! So, after walking the dogs and settling back into the house I am hungry. I thought about going to the bakery on the way home and getting a sausage roll !! So I make a big bowl of porridge.  Now that made me full……but I was still thinking about those rolls.  Then about 1pm I got some soup out.  A whole can of chicken and corn soup……ate it……still wanted that roll.  So, I bloody well had  a roll with thick butter…..!!  Then this afternoon….I’m thinking I want something sweet….so what did I do???  I bloody well got another roll and smothered it in butter and raspberry jam!!!  Now I feel like shit!!!!  This is far from an “average” binge day for me…….but it is a return to my bad behaviour and I am not happy with myself!!  Oh…….I forgot to mention the tin of favourites chocolates that have been sitting on our coffee table forever it seems, and they haven’t even tweeked my interest….until today…..I had two of them as well 🙂  A white dream chocolate one and a twirl.  You, know, I didn’t even savour them or conciously chew them when I think about it…….bad, bad, bad.

Well, it is as obvious as tits on a bull that I need more fill in my band, but I have to wait now until the 16th Dec.  Hopefully I will be able to reign in this stupid behaviour and get that willpower kicked back in again until I see Dr Dreamy.  I am sure, once I tell him I am struggling that he will fill me up big time!!!! Is it something to do with the magical 100kg mark?  Do I have a mental problem I am not aware of……probably!!!  This is what I used to do……for years.  Lose weight, feel fantastic…..finally start seeing a change in my shape. Everything fits better, feeling good…..yay team…..go me!!!!……then drop the ball because I feel so good and back the weight comes!!  Well, thank God for the band because I know I can gain control this time. The good side of all this is I know I wont be sky rocketing back up to my old weight and then some.  This band is just going to take some “tweeking” and in the meantime…..I have to back away from the bloody pantry 🙂

But, I just wanted to let you know of the struggle I have had over the last couple of days and the fact I caved in somewhat today.  I have also had a very small serve of roast chicken and chips tonight.  Not that I couldn’t have eaten more……but lo and behold……the chicken hurt!!!!!  I ate three mouthfuls and got the most god awful pain so I stopped eating!!  Probably because my “little stomach” was chockers with all the shit I fed it today!!  The pain is like when you accidently swallow a gobstopper before you have sucked it small enough.  Or suck back a whole cough lolly…..but it goes away.  It didn’t last long at all really….but I put my meal up on the bench and fed the chicken to the dogs!

So, for those of you that are considering a band, remember, it is not all beer and skittles!!  You will have shit days like this…….days exactly the same as you had before the band. You will still be able to eat shit and feel like shit.  I know I will be fine once I have the next fill and then I will be whinging about not being able to eat enough!!  But……I’ve said it once and I will say it again…..it’s all about the head people, all about the head!!!!

And while I’m on a roll……………Why is Santa FAT??  Does anybody know why he is depicted as such a big fat fella?  How did that come about?  FAT = JOLLY???  I don’t think so!!!!!  He must have the most horrific chaffing when he does the tropic areas!!  Huffing and puffing as he climbs in and out of that bloody sleigh….his joints would be shot to pieces!  I can remember when there used to be pictures of him with a pipe!!  I notice you don’t see those anymore……but I am still going to blame him for my nicotine addiction 🙂  So, I think it is about time they started to slim his image down a little.  Hey, maybe they could go with the LAPBAND IN LAPLAND theme!!!   HO, HO, HO !!!!!!

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22 thoughts on “Miss Piggy Resurfaces…

  1. Nola…look at moi, look at moi! Right, now I have got three words for you…Get out of your bloody head!!!

    You know and I know, that the band is a tool, how many times have we said that? It ‘s true, and it is obviously working for both us, but we need to understand the boundaries. That is normal. When we know what they are, we need to understand how far we can push them, that is human nature.

    We didn’t get this way overnight, but we ARE going to lose it much quicker than we put it on.

    Patience….me too, I know! I am speaking to myself right now as well you know.

    Chin up chook!

    Tracey

  2. Hey, we’ve all had these days and while the lap band goes towards “curing” the stomach side the head is a different kettle of fish. I can relate to that almost disconnected feeling – the continuation of the eating even though the logical part of your brain is saying this is mad. I’ve found sometimes that the best thing to do when you’re craving the white bread roll and butter is to have it and then move on. Otherwise I’ll eat everything else trying to avoid the original craving and end up eating it anyway. You’ll be fine. Thanks for the fess up ! I for one absolve you of your indiscretion – now you’ve just got to be kind to yourslef and forgive yourself!!

  3. Thanks you two!! I think it is more disappointment that I don’t have the restriction I was hoping for first up……patience is not one of my virtues!!!

  4. OMG Nola!

    I could have written exactly the same! I sometimes feel like I could eat the world and not give a damm about what it’s doing to me. It’s like a self distruct button that your are told not to press, when all you can think about is pushing that button. I did a programme called lighterlife here (meal replacement – 500 kcals a day), if was horrible, but it had one good thing, you had a counsellor. You sat in a support group and chatted about how you felt and shit like that. What I got out of it was an understanding of why I pushed that self distruct button. It’s helping me now. Like you I am scared shitless of eating too much and feeling pain, but I’m also scared of stretching my band and having it slip and then having it removed. What I do now is I think about why I have this real need to eat something bad. And I can’t give you your answers, but mine are because – I want to reward myself, I’ve been good, I’ve stuck to the plan, why shouldn’t I have it if I want it, I’m an adult, I can make my own choices, because I’m greedy – So if I want to reward myself I now do it in a non food thing – I go shopping for clothes! It’s my ‘snap back to reality’ The reality of where I want to get to. It doesn’t work all the time, it’s not my ‘eating disorder’ solver. But it helps.
    My advice would be to write a letter to yourself, a really honest letter about how you feel about yourself. Set yourself some goals – non weight related (I want to ride a horse) and keep them close. When you feel your moment of madness, read your letters.
    Your posts are uplifting and so honest, we are all travelling on a road and we will always come to a junction were we have to make a descision, choose food that’s good and food that’s bad. Those roads will join up again. So don’t beat yourself up for one weak moment

    FORGET ABOUT YESTERDAY, JUST LIVE FOR TODAY!

    :o)
    Dawn
    xx

  5. Love your honesty dear. I have piggy days as well, but mine have more to do with ice cream and alcohol. (Love those white russians, and even though I make them with skim milk, they’re still about 300 calories each.)
    I’m surprised that you can eat bread, potatoes and rice. I can’t at all because they puff up and get stuck in my new ‘stoma’ (stomach hole), which my doctor says is the size of the tip of my little finger. And that pain is unbelievable until I vomit.
    Also can’t handle pasta, stringy veggies, pineapple and steak.
    I seem to do better if I start the day with a protein drink. I don’t get so hungry, and can often go until evening with only a handful of almonds.
    I’ve hit a serious plateau recently, and have lost and regained the same two pounds over and over. Can’t wait for my next fill.
    Hang on…the weight will come off!

  6. I think most of us who are overweight can so relate to this post…. emotional eating or boredom eating or whatever triggers us is huge…. I know I have been an emotional eater the last few weeks and I need to get a hand on it again. Good luck with it all 🙂

  7. I know how you feel Nola,as I said in my blog I am hungry and finding myself slipping back into my old ways!!! thinking about food all of the time, it’s because we are hungry that we want these foods and have cravings and binge eat. Lets be honest we are only human and have a love for food that’s why we are in this mess, I wish I were more like my dad who does not have a love for food and only eats to live, I am like my mother who did have a love for food and lived to eat, Now she is dead and I miss her sooooo much.
    But even knowing all of this doesn’t stop us hitting that self destruct button, I think Melanie gave great advice, if you crave it, have it and be done, other wise you will start to eat substitutes and have the thing you craved too, I am also going to take Melanie’s advice. At least until you have your fill and have good restriction, I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but Nola we are on our way!!! it’s happening…. slimville… here we come. ;0)

    Zenaxx

  8. Not having read your blog right from the start, so you may have covered this…. Can you explain how the band works and why it needs to be filled?

    Pick yourself up and start once more. I’ve found now after almost 6 years of eating more healthier options, my appetitite has decreased A LOT! My tummy has just got used to smaller portions. At a dinner party recently I was a bit stunned when I saw the courses that were dished up and had a huge problem trying to get through it!! Unthinkable for me in the “old” days.

  9. Nola I love your honesty. Everything I read I can relate to, though not about my eating habits… my smoking habits. I must have quit 40 times before I finally quit. And to this day, although not as often in the past couple of years, if I’m having a bad or stressful or fun day or any other reason I can think of, my head starts saying oh you’d sure like a cigarette now, wouldn’t you. It’s okay, you’ve done very well, wouldn’t it be nice to have a smoke… Wait until you have a dream about eating everything you think you want and wake yourself up saying no… I’m not supposed to be eating all that!! I’ve done that with smoking.

    Keep up the good work Nola. It’s worth it. Your knees will thank you, your back will thank you and so on and so forth.

    Helen

  10. Love the honesty.. everyone has their bad days!! I remember just before I got my first fill I had a whole crispy strip meal from red rooster… I felt like shit because I’d had a band put in to lose weight and I was eating shit and alot of it! But girl, as soon as the fill goes in and you get to your sweet spot, you will feel so much more in control of the situation. Just so you don’t do too much damage, here are some tips for you:

    1. Exercise – that will definitely help undo some of the damage and also get you out of the house and away from the fridge!
    2. Don’t have your temptations in the house – enough said on that one
    3. Have foods that will do less damage – like gorgeous tropical fruits that are coming into season – do you know how good mangos are right now?!?!

    You’ll get there! Bring on the next fill I say!

  11. WOW…
    I sent you an email yesterday with ALL these questions about the lap band – some of the questions relate to the ‘fill’… I wondered why you had not replied (thought you were being a biatch… ha ha ha) and now know why…

    Sorry you have suffered a bad day. Given all things considered – your day has not been too bad… for me that is… If I ate that, it would have been considered a good day! But I can sense your frustraition, your anger with yourself and just want to say, please don’t be too harsh on yourself.

    Just hang in there till your next appointment and be honest with yourself and Dr Dreamy. Perhaps he can guide you through these thoughts and feelings for food – after all – he knows best what you are experienceing and I bet you aint the first to have had a slightly naughty day.

    Thinking of you and pelase answer my email pronto ya tart.

    Here is a really lame Prep grade joke to cheer you up
    Q: What is green and sits in the corner
    A: A naughty frog

    Yes – I know it is bad but my 6 year old thought it was hillllllareous….. hmmmmmm
    xx

  12. Oh Nola, like everybody else I can sooooo relate to this post….especially today ….had pre-op appt, have been on opti for a week, only lost 1.5 kgs. And I have been sticking to the plan. So frustrating! Anyhow, onward and upward, only 5 more sleeps to go!
    Hang in there, it’s still the beginning of the journey.

  13. I hope your next fill gives you the restriction that you need…some people need more than others…I know one girl who has reached goal on only 3mls in her band yet here I am halfway through my journey and I have 7 mls in my band and have had many trips to Hobart to the surgeon to get things right…it takes time and isnt always easy but true restriction will come one day.
    Keep your chin up and keep the shit out of the house…even if its Ricky’s favourties lol….I’ll ring you soon for a chat.
    Love Margie
    xoxoxox

  14. Love the honesty.
    Don’t give in to the urges…be strong…listen to the head, remember its all about the head!!
    Go girl.

    Keep smiling,
    Jen xx

  15. Now that you have your binge, pick up your knickers and get on with it. We all fall off the wagon and part of what really hurts us is that we fear we will never get back on. After my 4cc fill I can tell you that chicken hurts and that is what it will feel like all the time when you have the right amount in the band. You can do it. We are all pulling for you and know that tomorrow is another day. I have been craving chocolate so I went out and bought the sugar free Whitmans (US) and when I just can’t stand it, I eat one. What is done is done. Remember we are still human even though we have a band. Smiling at you!

  16. Hey you old hornbag…what are you up to? I had my first fill today and had “an incident” shortly after. I had 3.5ml put in and i can only fit in fluids right now. Seriously!!!

    How much did you get in at your first fill? And how did you feel straight after?

    My surgeon said not to worry about fluids, and to make sure that I chew chew chew. Well, I met a friend for lunch and ordered fritata, i had three mouthfulls. The third one did not go down. The pain was intolerable. I went to the toilet twice at lunch and spat up the food that didn’t go down. Heaps of saliva came up with the food.

    I had a miserable time of it, much pain etc etc, anyway, I went home and slept for two hours! Most unlike me, i never sleep in the daytime, it means i can’t sleep at night.

    After my sleep i went out with my eldest daughter to do some xmas shopping with her, sipped water the entire time.

    It is now after 9pm and i can not even imagine eating anything solid. I had some tomato soup But my stomach is still sooo tender and feels so full!

    So, I read your post on your first fill and i couldn’t see if you posted how much fill you had put in.

    Seeya
    Trace

  17. Tracey….better go back to your surgeon…..because this fill has made you go BLIND as well !!!! The first two sentences of this post say 3ml in 10ml band 🙂 geeezzzzz
    About two hours after my first fill I had a fishcake at a roadhouse!!!!! No problems……sigh. Normal eating from the time I had it up till now except for one “pain” incident with roast chicken a couple of days ago……go figure!! No PBing, no vomiting…..just feel normal…..and HUNGRY!!! Obviously not enough for this little black duck…..will probably be a different story after the next one though.

  18. each person is different after a fill girls….I had 3mls in the first time and could only manage fluids and Im the same after each fill…I now have 7ml in a 10ml band. I know another lady who polished off a beef schnitzel with vegies two hours after her first fill…mind you I was amazed lol.
    My surgeon always tells me fluids for two days after each fill.
    Margie

  19. Glad to see you’re well and coping with the post-surgery adjustments Nola. It must be such a relief to know that in spite of the trials the odds are on your side.

    Hang in there!!!

  20. Hey Nola,

    Better to go slowly with fills and gradually build up to your sweet spot than overdo it than end up getting an over fill and having it make you sick. I’ve had three months of problems thanks to an overfill.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will get there.

    Cat

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