New day…..

Ha!!!!!  I knew it wouldn’t last long.  I have a big funk day….then onwards my friends!!  but it is good to blog it out just the same 🙂  Thanks for all your kind comments……except Chris H……ya bloody tart!!!!!!!!!!!!  Boy, I wish you lived next to me !  I suspect you and I would get on like a house on fire!! 

Helen M…..you are sooooooo right.  I shouldn’t let my pain levels get to that extent in the first place.  I will work on that one. Kate I have said before “shit happens”.  It was just the hazards of a job I loved. So thanks everyone….. it really is nice to know that people care about these things and are more than happy to give words of advice and concern…………………thanks!!!!

Today has been weird weather wise here.  One minute the sun is burning your eyes out and the next thing it is blowing a gale and raining. I have been trying to do jobs around the weather.  I got some washing dry in the blow a gale stage.  I got all my kitchen cupboards cleaned out and re-sorted in the rain stage.  I have a huge coffee table that has four big drawers in it  and everything that has no home gets thrown into one of these drawers.  Tonight I intend to venture into these pits of mystery and throw out everything that is of no use……or put it in a bag for the op shop! I may never be seen again if I fall in!!  I am pretty sure everyone has an “everything” drawer…….well I have four huge suckers!!  Plus, I have another four smaller ones in the sideboard in the hall……but I might leave them to another day.  I think I will be out of energy once I have tackled the first four.

So, a good, good day for me.  I have eaten well and sensibly without any stupid cravings or the need to bite the crutch out of a low flying seagull !! I have walked this morning with the dogs on the beach and Ricky and I are about to go again on an early evening lead walk around the neighbourhood.  Well, the dogs will be on the lead…… 🙂  I am excited because my parents are coming over for lunch tomorrow.  My Dad will be 72 tomorrow, so I will make a birthday cake for him as a little suprise.  I am looking forward to seeing them even though I only just saw them on Boxing Day….. I always enjoy their company…..which is a great thing to be able to say about your parents!!

This is how I will spend the rest of my evening………………

 

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Confessional……

I have a confession……of sorts.  I make no apology…… I am tired of apologies!  The only person I am hurting is me anyway.  Why did I do this ridiculous binge thing?  I’m not sure…….but I think it is pain. Well, actually, I know it is pain.  I eat my way through pain.  Physical pain…..not mental.  It has been really, really bad the last 4 days or so…….really bad.  It is worrying me more than it ever has before.  Tonight, every joint in my body is hurting.  It is making me tired…….and teary. I got “stuck” walking across the kitchen yesterday.  I stood there like a statue waiting for a pigeon to shit on me and cried my eyes out…..it farking hurt.

I have an existing back injury where the bottom three discs are pretty much pancakes and bulging.  Last MRI I had they mentioned arthritis in these discs was beginning to show as well.  No idea why every other joint is hurting lately though.  I get the obligatory pains down the legs and deep into my hips, bum and feet…..and knees….let’s not forget the bloody knees!!  Sometimes I wonder what the little smart arses that gave me this injury are doing with their lives now.  I know one is dead from suicide……  I suspect the others are well and truely over their measely $600 fines they received for assault police.  Karma my friends…..karma!!   Do they have children?  I don’t.  A hysterectomy was another result later down the track from what you did. Are they in their dream careers?  I’m not anymore because I had to give it away because of my back.  I was 30…… little bastards!! I lasted in “the job” for another 10 years.  Only one of you came to me some months down the track and apologised for his actions and he wasn’t even one that kicked or hit me…… but he kind of started it.  I forgave him……thankyou for being man enough to face me….I appreciated it.

I am happy.  No really….. I am.  Just sometimes I reflect on past happenings and wonder what might have been….you know?  I believe in fate.  I believe in karma.  I am one of the most blessed people on this earth!!  I have the most amazing,  family!  I feel loved and I love.  I laugh…….a lot!!!  I love making other people laugh…..like you, my fellow bloggers and readers.  But even the happiest of us have a down day…… this is mine.  I don’t want sympathy……God no!!!  I will be fine tomorrow……I am just wallowing in today that’s all 🙂 

I know what I do and I know why I do it…….now how do I control it?  But, you know, this band thing and even just dieting is not going to be all plain sailing.  We know that.  It is helping….. but days like this….well, we have them and then we just have to move on.  Don’t let it sink you!  I think the trick is to acknowledge it…..anaylise it…..then move on.  Don’t wallow in it….don’t let it turn into tomorrow and then the next day.  Forgive yourself…..you’ve done it…..try and make it a longer stint between now and the next time.  Because there will be a next time!  We will all have plenty of next times……the best we can hope is that they are less and less severe each time until we realise that it has been 12 months or more between “next times” and we are actually getting a handle on this shit!

I was going to write down what I have eaten today.  Now I am not.  Suffice to say…..it was a lot.  Also it involved chocolate, cereal with sugar and cream, fish fingers & hash browns…..blah, blah.  I feel full and I feel uncomfortable and I feel shithouse now!!  But I have put the brake on.  I will take my “big guns” pain killers and go to bed early.  I will get up early and take the dogs for a long walk in the morning.  I will start afresh. Then I will try and plan for my next time and make sure I have some coping strategies in place to deal with the “pain days” rather than the bloody pantry!!

One of my main deciding factors in getting a lapband was my back.  I figure if my poor old back is not having to cart an extra 40 kilos around on it everyday….then that has to help!!  I needed to help myself help my back by getting this band.  So, no more binge days…..I am getting a grip!  I will find other coping mechanisms……..  I will be happy again tomorrow 🙂

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A New Year…..nearly

well, as my header picture says…….I certainly hope I aquire a new rear in the New Year!!…..or at least one that has considerably shrunk!!  If I keep eating shortbread like I did today that aint gonna happen!!  Time to slip back into reality me thinks 🙂

Band highlights???   Well, there was a couple.  I had my first experience at the infamous “upchucking”……wooohoooo…NOT!!!!  I managed that before I even got to Christmas day!!  At work on Christmas eve morning actually.  I let myself get too hungry (no breakfast), dashed across to the shop and grabbed a fruit bun no butter (only thing left)  not that I was too upset…..I love them!  Plonked myself back down at my desk and took a couple of mouthfuls.  Didn’t chew enough? Wrong choice of food?….who knows!?  But man o man it farking hurt like hell !!!  I have had the “hurt” before but it has only lasted a couple of secounds and then goes away.  This time it was here to stay!  I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe…..my eyes started watering……I made a graceful exit to the loo and chucked it up!! Yep….gave Jesus a Christmas call on the big white telephone!!!   lol   Holy sweet angels from above….what a relief!!!  Gorgeous undigested fruit bun floating in the white porcelain bowl expertly decorated with little black sultanas for that extra icky touch!! Then I just felt like clearing my throat for the rest of the morning.  Someone asked me if I was getting a cold……ummmm….nope, actually I have a throat full of phlem from being a pig with a fruit bun!! (not that I told them that of course!)  BUT…..and this is a biggie…..I finished the farking bun!!!!  You know how I am with testing a theory!!!  I still felt hungry and the rest of it stayed down!!

Since my fill I have found that the mornings are not the best time to be having an eat fest.  I have heard many others say this too.  Maybe we should devise some band warm-up exercises or something?  I went OK over the Christmas meals period.  Very little lunch at my parents-in-laws.  I had one piece of roast pumpkin, about half cup of broad beans and three mouthfuls of turkey with gravy.  I just couldn’t fit the rest in.  I had a huge, huge plate of food dished up to me.  A couple noticed how much I left, but didn’t comment.  They all know about my band.  I also had a bowl of fruit salad with some whipped cream.  I ate more at my sister’s house that night but still only a smidge of what a previous Christmas meal would have entailed!!  I had a couple of chocolates here and there as well.  I didn’t stress about it…….I wanted to relax and enjoy my Christmas.  Besides…….who knew that 4Roses Chocolate boxes had two new flavours now!!!!  I needed to know what this new lemon cheesecake chocolate tasted like and I couldn’t rest until I did 🙂 For the sake of my sanity I also tried the berry cheesecake and just a sliver of the chocolate cheesecake!!

The next morning at Mum’s for breakfast I made a slice of toast with some ham on it.  That was my 2nd Christmas mishap.  Once again…..in the morning!!  I didn’t chuck or anything….but OMG the pain!!!!!  And once again, being the trouper that I am….I went back and finished it!!!  Go Nola, go Nola…..yayyyyy Nola!!!!  🙂

Boxing Day Ricky helped my Dad put up a frame for the roller door that is being delivered early in the new year and myself, Mum and Karen hit the boxing day sales. All I ended up with was a large pyrex jug, an icecream scoup, a packet of metal skewers and a potato peeler!!  They were all things I had been meaning to get though, so I was happy with that, especially since they were all half price!  We did coffee in the mall and people watched for a while and I also managed to find a birthday present for my Dad who’s birthday is on the 31st Dec.   We came home late in the day, dumped everything in the middle of the floor and went to bed early.

This is the view from my sister’s house.  I took this from her front balcony……..  that is the Spirit of Tasmania, a passenger and vehicle ferry,  leaving Devonport for Melbourne. Great view, huh?  You look out towards the airport and beach in the other direction.  I could sit and soak in that view all day.  We threw in with Mum and Dad and got them a telescope for Christmas…..the man in the shop assured me you would be able to see right in one of those cabin windows with this baby…..not that we would try that of course!!…. that would just be wrong 🙂  Can’t wait till they set it up and I can have a go at “whale” watching 🙂

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Of course, Christmas Day wasn’t without it’s dramas!!  Like the mystery of “Who gutted Gloria’s giant flea?”  Her cousins Harry and Scarlett (my dogs) brought Gloria (Karen’s dog) this giant flea for Christmas……and within the hour we stumbled upon this gruesome crime scene!!  It was enough to drive me back to the lemon cheesecake 4 Roses chocolates!!! 

 I mean…..was it Harry?……was he pissed off because he got a dog bowl that you have to paint yourself and he can’t paint!!???

Was it Scarlett?….didn’t she think she looked pretty enough in the hooded towel in hot pink that she received??

Of course it could have been Alice (Mum and Dad’s dog)…… she was given a plant called “No more fleas” by her cousins and may have mistook that to mean…well, no more fleas!!!!!

Then of course, there is Gloria herself, who is just cunning enough to have gutted her own flea to try and get her cousins into trouble!!!  This way, she could have all the leftover Christmas food while the others sat in the naughty corner??

Our very own Christmas mystery…… lol

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Christmas Eve…..

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

All my creatures are stirring and we aint got no mouse!!

I’ve done all the groceries and stocked up on grog,

Mistletoe is hangin’…so might get a snog!!

I’ve wrapped all the presents…that’s all they’re gettin’

Hot day tomorrow…so probably be sweatin’ !

I’ve got my white wine and Rick has his stubbies

Merry Christmas to you my little blog luvvies!!!! 🙂  

                         Just a quick hello and Merry Christmas to you all……. plus my special little poem for you 🙂

I am busy getting the last of the presents wrapped and then I have to start on a couple of platters and a trifle and a greek salad to take with us tomorrow.  I will be back in a day or two with all my Christmas news and a few photos of the big day I suspect!!

Stay happy and safe over the Christmas period…………………………………………

Oh and………………………

Money’s tight, times are hard……………….so here’s your farking Christmas card!!!!!

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Yes, I’m full, but I would still like a …….

little something else!!! OK…..so I”ve had my 2nd fill which puts 4.5mls into my 10ml band.  I think I am still eating too much!……and sneaking the odd “bad” thing.  To be honest….I have never, never thought about food as much as I am now!!!  I was hoping this band would just switch off whatever that thought pattern is and off I would go…….never feeling hungry and never tempted by “bad” stuff…….WRONG!!!  Now, I know that is not how it works….I do, I do!!!  But, I just wanted to share ….. or try to explain…..how I am feeling right now.  I guess I am coming out of the “honeymoon” phase and realising that this losing weight caper is still difficult shit to get right!

Don’t get me wrong…..I am deleriously happy with how I have gone so far and how I have lost more weight in two months than I would have in two years previously……BUT……I am still pissed off that I haven’t lost more!  Why is that!!??  Can’t I be happy with how I am going….. why do I have to be such an everything or nothing type of person?  Why can’t I be an everything or mostly person!  I think if I studied other people that have gone for the band I would find we would have a common personality thread ….. the do or die, the all or nothing, the eat or starve type of personality?  I think I might be right.

I have had a couple of pains after I have taken the first couple of mouthfuls……but I wait a couple of seconds and it goes……then I continue to eat because I think I should!! Not because I am hungry, I just think I should keep eating because surely I haven’t had enough yet!!??  Why don’t I just stop and be happy with three or four mouthfuls?  Why do I keep shovelling it in? Habit, habit, habit is what I think!!  I am so used to having a big plate of stuff that my brain says, “Nola, that wouldn’t satisfy a flea!  Eat more of it….clean your plate off….go on….eat more….that is not enough to satisfy you!!!”   When, physically…….it is!!!!  Mentally…..it’s not!!!

I am not particularly a sweets person.  The last couple of nights I have been!!  What the????  Maybe it is because I feel a bit ordinary with this eye infection and the fact my back has been extra bad lately?  I do tend to pick when I feel physically down.  Last night I had two of those small Favourites chocolates AND a bowl of icecream with banana topping.  Then I got shitty because I wanted the band to stop me!!!!!!   Oh hello……pyscho woman!!!  I am pretty sure I don’t recall the surgeon telling me the band came with a built in shit dectector!!

I have not PB’d, I have not burped excessively, I have not vomited….. none of those things that would make me stop eating too much.  So…..am I eating too much?  Well…..probably not!!  But I FEEL like I am!!!  I feel like I should be eating like a little bird and forgetting to eat and suddenly gaining an obsessive desire to exercise religiously!  Well, bummer….that aint gonna happen 🙂  Maybe I am conveniently blocking out how I USED to eat.  It is becoming a distant memory really but I know I was eating a lot, lot more than I am now!  More junk…..the odd takeaway, chocolate and Samboy chips and buttered buns and savoury toast and toasted foccacias and chai lattes….and that was just at work!!!  I just thought of something when I typed that last sentence……….I haven’t had a bowl of cereal with heaps of sugar and warm milk at night since I had my band!!!!!!!!!!!!  That was practically a nightly ritual for me.  God knows why…… I just HAD to have it…..most nights! 

So maybe I am not suffering from bad bandit syndrome.  I am suffering from CRAFT…..(can’t remember a farking thing!)  I need to remember how far I have come and take a good look at how I have changed instead of looking at what I still want to achieve and why I haven’t managed to do that in 5 minutes!!!  You know what??…..I think my band and this band “journey” is a lot like my house!!!

We are renovating an oldish weatherboard place at the moment.  I sit down and think….we will never get it finished…look at the passage and we still have to get that skylight in and we still have to get the bath and extend that room….and when are we going to get around to putting the skirting boards back on!  When I should be looking at what we have achieved and thinking…….my God the loungeroom looks fantastic with the chocolate feature wall and the decking is magnificent and in only two years we have put in a whole new kitchen and dining room and turned a small bedroom into a walk in robe for the master bedroom…..farking hell, good job….bloody good job!!!!

So, I am going to look at this band as an ongoing renovation on ME!!  I need to stop, look back and think……..Nola, old girl…..farking good job!!!!! 🙂

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The good, the bad and the………

UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I have a dirty great sty on my eye!!!  I haven’t had one of these for years!  I felt it getting bigger and bigger as I was driving home from Hobart yesterday and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t get it open until I sloshed it with water. Even my eyebrow bone is sore!!…and down the side of my nose….and in my cheek…..wahhhh  It is bloody sore and I just want to scratch the shit out of it…..but I won’t…..and I also won’t rub a dirty old gold wedding ring on it or drink Essence of sarsparilla or any of the other old wives tales regarding stys.  It will just have to run it’s course and hopefully it gets worse tomorrow (at least in how it looks) and I will use it as an excuse to leave work early!!!  So….. I took a picture of it hoping to garner all the sympathy votes I can possibly get 🙂

 

I had my 2nd fill yesterday. That makes me 4.5ml in a 10ml band now.  I had three in and he has whopped in another 1.5mls for me.  Probably because I told him I felt absolutely no different to pre-banding and that I had tested eating rice, lettuce, fresh bread and the crutch out of low flying duck!!!…..  Dr Dreamy was his usual dreamy self and so cheery for that end of the day!  I don’t know how that man stays so positive and upbeat all the time!  He was pleased with my weight loss and happy that I hadn’t had any problems….that is how it should be.  BUT….perhaps more restriction would be the go?………..YA THINK!!????  I was up on that bed doing my half sit-up quicker than you can say…quarter pounder with chips and a thickshake!!!

 

I was back on the road by 5.45pm.  It was a miserable trip back because my hip and back gave me curry all the way home……and……….my EYE was hurting!!   Waaahhhhhhh    I had to keep stopping every half hour or so and get out and shake my leg and stretch to relieve the pain.  I don’t like taking anything when I have to drive, so I just had to suffer it.  Oh well, think of all the incidental exercise shaking it like a mad woman on the side of the highway!!  I stopped at a roadhouse after about two hours and got a skinny coffee and a piece of fish.  There wasn’t much to choose from at that time of the day and fish seemed like the best option.  I walked around and rang Ricky to let him know where I was and had a whinge to him about my EYE and my SORE HIP and my SORE BACK…..felt much better after that 🙂

 

So, remembering what Tracey told me I took a tiny bite of the fish and chewed and chewed and chewed until I was just plain bored……so I swallowed the sucker!!  Nothing……so I had a more substantial bite…..still nothing.  I was technically doing the wrong thing because I was drinking as well, BUT I really, really needed that caffiene hit!!!  So, anyway, I hit the road again and just had a few nibbles of the fish while driving.  I was full to the brim after only half of it.  Yayyyy……restriction……even when I was drinking.  It wasn’t even a very big piece of fish either.

 

So, I called into my sister’s place on the way because I had brought her a little present while I was browsing in Hobart.  I got her a T-shirt with “I don’t really have A.D.D…….Oh, Look!!  A bunny rabbit!!!”    He, he….she loved it….and it really SUITS her 🙂 Called into the parents as well and wished them a good trip to Melbourne. They go over occassionally to see a couple of shows…..they are seeing Billy Elliott this time around and Karen is babysitting their dog, Alice.  They are staying at the Langham again, so I put my order in for them to bring me back another bottle of their signature room spray…..divine!!!  Ginger Flower…..I love spraying it onto the carpet after I have cleaned….yummmm

Today I walked the dogs and then came back and made some breakfast.  I toasted 2 muffins.  I split them in half ….  so you end up with four pieces.  I had grabbed a nice looking banana at the shop and intended on having that on top of them.  Well, I managed to eat one and a half halves!!  Normally, I could have eaten two muffins without a problem and be looking for more.  Not this time…..  I got a bit of pain because I think I ate too quickly to start with…..but it subsided pretty quickly.  Then for lunch I toasted another two muffins…… a girl has to test these theories!!  This time I put cottage cheese with chives on them……I managed two halves.  The birds got the rest……….yaayyyy   I feel like I did in the first two weeks after the operation.  I haven’t been looking for food at all and I don’t feel hungry.  I am making spaghetti bolognaise for tea tonight.  Haven’t had that in ages and I will try a little bit for sure. 

 

So, as far as this fill goes……it seems to be working this time and I can feel restriction.  I hope it lasts!!  Back to work for me tomorrow, so I will have to be careful what I eat there for a while.  Might revert back to my soups for lunch at work…..safer that way 🙂  A little Christmas funny for you………………..

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THURSDAY UPDATE……cause I KNOW you need to know 🙂

Well, had to get in the shower this morning and try and soak my eye open!! It is worse!!!!  All down the side of my nose is swollen and around my cheek………..lovely!  So, I got Ricky to take me up to casualty because I would need a doctor’s certificate for work and also some antibiotics.  So that will teach me for joking about leaving work early today…..I have a certificate for today and tomorrow!! I have to take four of these tablets a day and he said they will make me “tired” and “wonky”……well, I could have worked……. I would be no different to any other day 🙂  He is concerned about the spreading infection…..no shit Sherlock!!!!…..so am I !!  So, hopefully these tablets will do the trick.  If not, I have to go back.  It had better get better before Christmas…….I am not having happy family snaps taken around the Christmas table looking like the Elephant Woman !  This will be the only photo I put on here where I show you something getting bigger!!!…………. So….I’m off to hit the drugs and do some couch surfing:)

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Dog Walk…..

Well, not a lot to report this week…..just busy, busy!! Band wise….still don’t feel any restriction and am able to eat pretty much anything I want!! I weighed in yesterday and have lost nearly a kilo! I got quite a suprise with that actually. I thought I would have stayed the same or even put some on. I guess the fact I am making the effort to walk every day is probably helping me there. I am sure I will have more to blog about once I have my 2nd fill on Tuesday 🙂
Most nights after work I either do a lead walk (known in our house as the “piss n sniff” or we do a “freerange” which is down on the beach off the lead. We are very lucky to have a nice long beach open to dogs just at the bottom of the road we live in. I drive down to the beach because it is a long, steep hill back home again and my back just doesn’t take kindly to me hauling it up that hill !!  So, I might give you a little tour of our local dog beach.  If you stand on our carport roof you can see this beach!
Ricky heading from where we park the car near the old sea cadets building down onto the beach….looking towards the eastern end. The highway runs just above the green bank on the right.  Some beautiful “posh” homes nestled in the hills that you can see and our local shops etc are situated here.  I like going to these smaller shops….we have a butcher, baker….no candle stick maker!!!  Fish shop and the showgrounds are there too where they hold a local farmers market on weekends.  Nice to go there and get homemade sauce and vegies etc. The main town of Burnie is off in the other direction.

 

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This one is looking back in the other direction.  You can see the port of Burnie and the main shopping centre. The “lighter hills” near the water are piles of woodchips  waiting to be shipped off to China or where-ever. The bulk of the residential areas of Burnie are back behind the hills where you can’t see them.  Once you get up and over the initial hill from the town centre it levels out a bit and spreads right out with another shopping centre up on the hill also. 

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This is at the end of the beach where we turn around and walk back again towards Burnie…..bit of a crappy day, but still lovely and relaxing on this beach and I do enjoy the walk once I get out! There is a little creek up this end and the dogs always have a drink here before we head back…..have to stick to our routine!pedder-wedding-nov-08-026

These are big old truck tyres that they had cemented in to stop the erosion from the sea I guess.  They are all collapsing and some are miles down the beach buried in the sand.  This is Harry and Scarlett’s favourite spot because …….it is every other dogs favourite spot!!  Much peeing to be done at the tyres to let the others know they were here! I expect to go down there one day and find this building has washed out to sea!  Not just from the erosion from the water but also all the dog pee!

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I couldn’t keep them still long enough to get a nice shot with their Mum!! 

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My cute little surfer dudes!!…. Harry looks so handsome with his 2 comb summer haircut!  At least he hasn’t got the big fluffy feet anymore to bring half that beach home in!!  He is sooooo much more athletic too without all that fur weighing him down:) Makes such a difference when he is shaved off like this. The next photo shows you what he is like with his “hippy”hair….he is so much more comfortable and cool with it kept sort like this…and besides, it shows off  his “package” better this way!!

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Today it is miserable…. heavy rain and high winds……just bloody terrible.  I have the heat pump on 22degrees!!  We have had some shocking weather in the last month or so and it certainly doesn’t feel like summer just yet!!  We usually get our best weather around Feb & March.  I can’t wait until it at least gets nice enough to have barbques and muck around in the garden.  I have an old wooden outdoor setting I want to sand down and paint up……it has been waiting for my days off and the weather to align!!  I can’t wait to get stuck into things like that…….oh well.  I might do a spot of housework for an hour or so and then I just might have a nice lazy day in here with the heater.  I might even drag my cross stitch out and have a go at that while Ricky watches the golf on TV……….have a great weekend!