Fake snakes……..

coiledgreensnake  This is one of many varieties of RUBBER snakes!

250px-tiger_snake  This is one of many varieties of REAL snakes!

I have put these two pictures on here as a public service for people like my mother and sister!!  I think the difference between a real snake and a fake snake is reasonably obvious……..apparently not 🙂

My sister, Karen, has not long moved into a beautiful home on a hill that backs onto farmland.  My Mum lives quite close down the hill and around the corner.  Karen & husband are landscaping their backyard……well, acutally, from what I can tell so far they have clearfelled the bloody lot…..but I am sure it will look good eventually 🙂  Anyhoo……Dad convinced them to leave a patch of broad beans that were growing down near the back fence so that he could pick and freeze them all when ready.  No problems…..Mum went down to check said broad bean patch while Karen was inside doing whatever.  Then big scream goes out………”Karen, Karen….quick, quick….there is a snake in the broad beans!!”  Now Karen, who is known in our family for random acts of kindness, but not so much random acts of heroism, springs into action!!  She puts on Dean’s big gumboots…..check…..feet, shins, knees and thighs protected from snake strikes!!!  She grabs the longest handled garden implement she can find…….a shovel……..and heads into battle to save her mother.  By this time the neighbours over the side fence have been attracted by the screaming and have popped their heads over to watch the “big kill”.  Much discussion going on about how, over the years, they have encountered a few snakes in their yard and the hazards of living in a house that backs onto a paddock.  Mum points to the snake from a safe distance and Karen gives that dastardly reptile what for with the shovel !!!  Trouble is……..the shovel nearly bounced back and gave her a black eye!!!  That’s when, on closer inspection, they realised it was a rubber snake probably planted there by the previous owners to scare birds away when the beans were youngin’s.  Gave the neighbours a good laugh and ohhhhhh…how I wish I had been there to see it ……*sigh*…..I miss all the good stuff !!  🙂

What else??…….  yesterday Ricky says to me that he would quite like some Christmas decorations and a tree this year.  We haven’t had a tree or decorations for years actually…….humbug!!!  Well, we have mainly lived away from family and travelled to their houses for Christmas.  So I figured….why bother??  I will just look at theirs.  I mean, isn’t going to the Queenstown christmas parade and looking at the decorated kids bikes enough for this man!!!??  I mean, geeezzzz, I put a Christmas themed screensaver on the bloody computer for God’s sake!!!  He got all sooky and told me we should get some this year……….I mean, really!!!!!!  Doesn’t he recall the year I put a strand of tinsel on the potted palm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That looked farking amazing and everybody commented on my decorating skills that year!!  Or……has he forgotten the year I put a tin reindeer on the matelpiece and expertly highlighted it with a red candle!!???  Bloody hell, sometimes that man has got a short memory!!!…….and then there was the year I tied blue & silver tinsel on the police car’s arial and wished everybody a heartfelt happy Christmas when I handed them their speeding tickets!!!  Fark me…..what does it take!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

Well, he did come up with the argument that we now live in the same town as his twin grand daughters who have just turned six and it might be nice to have a tree this year because they will be calling in and would love it.  OK, OK…….I did tell him it would cost quite a bit of cash to start from scratch with this Christmas caper…….because I am not having any old $2.00 shop decorations.  If he wants me to do it…..it is going to get done in style!!!  He agreed……..so off I went to buy a tree and the decorations.  I ended up at Target……yes, I know….but I chose their classiest decorations!!!!  I got a fake tree that looks remarkably real…..(not like the snake!!) and I have gone with a red and gold theme on the decorations.  I even brought lights so I can sit it in the window and the neighbourhood can marvel at my decorating finesse!!!  Actually, now I have started I am getting into this bloody decorating thing…….might buy a flash wreath for the door next!!!  Of course I will take a picture for you when I have it up and ready for adulation 🙂

Georgie and I went to our third Latin dance class on Monday night…..about a third of the class didn’t turn up.  We explained to our dance teacher that we had an inkling this might happen!!  She prattled on about how it usually does…..once you get into it you have people not bother coming back anymore.  We said no….the reason would be that they are jealous……of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We knew that once they saw us do our “moves” and the professional way we shook our tooshes that they would become disheartened and drift away from the class 🙂  We felt bad for her because obviously she is losing money from these people, but on the other hand, we felt happy for her because she has the privilege of having us in her class 🙂  We know if we were any further up ourselves we would be inside out!!! lol, lol…….but hell we amuse ourselves 🙂  We also don’t like windy days…..because there is the risk our tickets might blow off!!!! lol, lol

I have a trip to Hobart tomorrow for my first fill……..staying overnight down there with my new best friend, Stacey and it should be a hoot of a night!!  Stacey, her friend, Kaz & Margie will all be there and we are going out for a meal tomorrow night.  Might have to all share one entree’ between us after our fills!!  lol, lol  Then I have to be back here by at least 2pm on Friday because I have to get Harry to his sylist!!  He has to have his summer “do” done and not before time either…..he is getting his big mop feet and bum back!! That dog can bring back half a beach concealed in those fluffy bits!!   Well, see you all with a report on the fill day maybe Friday night……………………………..

PS:  I just uploaded two farking shockers into “My Photos”…….I wasn’t going to and I usually delete photos like this.  But, damn it…… I am putting it out there because I know for sure now that I will never ever be this size again!!! I was close to 115kgs when these were taken in Fiji…my highest ever weight.  Then I came home and lost a bit before going for lapband.  Honestly……the last one would look more natural if I had a harpoon sticking out of my arse!!!  Oh well……onward and downward!

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19 thoughts on “Fake snakes……..

  1. I knew it! I just knew it! Well it looked real and what’s wrong with sending your young in to protect you from life’s hazards?

    The hardened cop act came down one day when a bloke she was fining for something said to her ‘Well a cop that wears a Mickey Mouse watch can’t be all bad!’

  2. Good luck with the first fill – it’s such a lottery. Tomorrow night you’ll be able to eating soup or steak and you won’t know what you can eat until you try it!! LEt’s play lapband roulette!! Mel

  3. Oh, boy… it’s gonna be a party!! Living with someone that had their stomach stapled many years ago before banding was around… Let me suggest that you cut up your meat into small bites and t.a.k.e. your time eating. Don’t be stuffing it into your face because you now can or else you may be finding yourself in a race for the nearest bathroom. Don’t want to put a damper on your fill night, I just want your to enjoy your evening.

    Hope to see some photos. Enjoy!

    Helen

    p.s. on the snake… don’t you wish you’d been there to take pictures? Great story and the best part was it was on your sis and not yourself!!

  4. I laughed and laughed at the thought of your mum and sister being watched by neighbours, as the shovel came down on the head of a rubber snake…priceless

    good luck with the fill,

    Dawn
    ;o)
    xx

  5. Helen….we were thinking more along the lines of sharing a seafood chowder!! lol….. I am not game to try a steak just yet!! How hilarious when the staff think “woohhh five ladies for dinner and they look like they could “chow down”…make a few bucks out of them!!!…… and then we all share an entree’!!!!!!!!! he, he

  6. well thank you farking much for sharing that story on the wide wide world of web nola……bitch!!! lol

    it was very real looking girls and i had to protect my mum……i did notice the next door neighbour ( he was a guy) didnt offer to come and do it for me.

    bloody men, who needs them, i just got in there and said “crickey mum we don’t want to make this one crabby”

    love ya nola

  7. Oh, God, your post had me rolling on the floor laughing. Your poor mum and sister. Both of them are braver than me, though. If I’d seen a snake, I would have just run in the complete opposite direction.

    Christmas plans sound nice.

    Good luck with the fill tomorrow. I hope it all goes well.

    Oh, and thanks for your comments on my blog. I’m now telling people anything I do anything for myself that it’s because I love myself sick!! LOL! I love it.

    Cat

  8. Good luck Nola with your fill, can’t wait to hear all about it.

    Love the snake antics!! Sister’s eh !!!
    (glad it’s not just my sis that’s crazy) LOL

    Zenaxx

  9. Nola …. inspired by your sisters tale my husband has drawn a picture… it’s on my blog as I didn’t know how to send it to you… still laughing

    Dawn
    ;o)
    xxx

  10. Great snake story. You are hilarious.
    Good luck with your fill. I get my fourth, and probably last, on 17 December, so will be eating very little for Christmas.

    PJ

  11. Nola,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt, I too lost my aunt 2 weeks ago and was her funeral just this Monday gone, was very sad, she was my favorite aunt, and she was way too young.

    Zenaxx

  12. Oh my gosh, the snake story is hysterical. Almost the same thing happened to me years ago in our safe at work. I can’t even talk about without having a seizure. Moving on!! Have fun decorating this year. I can’t wait.

  13. Nola,

    I just checked out your goddess graph. You are doing so well! How are you feeling after the fill? Looking forward to the next update as always.

    Oh and I LOVE Christmas time! I am looking for a new tree this year and I can’t wait to decorate it. I usually do a pastel coloured tree with lots of pink of course!

    Love
    ntbl
    xxx

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