Bras, food & farts!!!

Well, I have to say the first couple of days home I had a couple of “anxious” moments where I thought “What the hell have I done!!”  But they only lasted a couple of minutes and were brought on by being frustrated at not being able to do things. …. like vacuming!  I have started a new page that covers what I eat and my extremely interesting bodily functions for those that are interested!  Thought I might keep the burping and farting fun on a page all of it’s own. Although, I have to say that yesterday I gave Scarlett “Fart-ima” Princess a good shaking for that crown of hers 🙂 I am Queen I tell you……..Queeeeennnnnnnn!!!!!!

Ricky said he was asked by a couple of people yesterday if I had lost weight yet!!!!  For God’s sake!!!!!…… I had lapband surgery, not liposuction!!!!!  That might be a bit of a downer with other people knowing….they will be constantly checking out my fat arse to see if it has shrunk yet!! Oh well, if they have nothing better to do let them check out my lovely lady lumps!!!! ….. don’t blame them…..I am sooooo hot right now 🙂

Did my usual routine this morning in the tooth brushing department and then it struck me…….what the farking hell am I bothering to floss for!!!????  I can’t chew anything, so nothing there to floss!!! Mind you…..if I had found a stray deposit I would have swallowed it!! 🙂 Oh, well, think how much money I am saving on dental floss……geeezzzzz….at least 60 cents!!!!  See….positives to every negative!

The most difficult thing I found the first few days was getting my bras on.  You know how you do them up at the front of you and then swing them around and harness those babies into the over the shoulder boulder holders for the day?  Well, the “swinging around bit” hurt!!  Because I have holes all over my stomach and one between my two best points, so it was really hard to shuffle the bra back to where it belonged.  No please…..don’t thank me…..I want to share these little things with you 🙂 And no….I couldn’t leave them off!!! I am having troubles enough without walking around with bruised kneecaps and black eyes!!!!

I think I am going through a kind of detox at the moment.  Well, I suppose that is what it is! I have had the runs (sharing, people….sharing!!!) and I think it is my body’s way of punishing me for not giving it it’s buttered fruit bun and latte every morning.  Can’t say that I feel any healthier at the moment but I guess that will come. Thank goodness I can still drink coffee or my head would have spun around and projectile spew gone across the room by now!!!  I feel very cleansed……if that is the right word? Very ying, yang….goodie, goodie sort of feeling 🙂  A kid walked past me this morning while I was at the shop and I have to admit, just for a split second, I was tempted to smack him around the head and snatch the packet of hot chips from his hand……. but I didn’t 🙂  I am suffering from “mouth” hunger I think.  Not really hungry, just pining for the taste of something that has “substance” in my mouth!  Oh well, only one more week and I can mash the shit out of something and go to town on that!! I might weigh myself tomorrow being a week since the operation and see what it says…….hopefully it won’t say, “One at a time please!!”   lol, lol


24 thoughts on “Bras, food & farts!!!

  1. I have to admit I’ve always been a ‘reach back and do it up’ rather than a bra swinger but I know what u mean. Glad to hear you’re doing well and thanks for sharing all your bodily functions with us.

  2. oh you CRACK ME UP!!! This is not good when it is 133am Chicago, IL time! I do know about the bra putting on thing. The inventor of the bra should be shot! I hate wearing them. Evil contraptions is what they are! I rather enjoy having my boobs down to the floor and dragging like a cave woman. YES I DO!

    Knowing my luck though I would get the lapband-I am in the process but dh decided to have a car accident first- and the girls would get bigger, because my boobs never want to leave my body. I think they suck fat up there cause it seems they are getting bigger by the minute and my pants are getting looser by the decade. Oh anyhow fun blog!

  3. I love how you write – from the heart and all with a great sense of humour!! Don’t care how much info you give us, interesting stuff! I’ve always been curious about this surgery.

    Share away – I’ll be here reading. Take care and looking forward to following your journey and seeing a new you!

  4. I’m a reach back (and nearly disclocate my scapula’s) bra dresser, If I did the swinging thing I woulld knock myself silly not to mention losing all the blood supply from the brain!!

    Take full advantage of the full feeling, I hear it disappears fast!

    Re the runs, are you sucking anything that has soy in it? I found out the hard way I was allergic to soy – gives me the runs big time!

    Also, did you have to do the Opti-spew thing before your surgery?

  5. Hi Nola, so great to hear from you! And by the sounds of it, back to nearly normal. [or whatever that is…lol]

    I have never done my bra up like that and I have never heard of anyone doing it like that before either. Talk about a sheltered life! I have always put in the girls, bent over to make sure their happy, then stood up and done up the clasp. That is how I taught my three daughters as well, so if they were reading your blog, they would have had looks on their faces like “what the?”. lol

    So pleased to hear that you are not really “stomach” hungry, I am dreading fighting that.

    Thanks for the rundown….ha ha ha, I am a comedian, it is so good to have an actual idea of what I am about to go through. Only two weeks and one day for me….yeeks!!!


  6. Hee hee, you sound so good… and happy… and hungry… but all good eh!!!! Well done on getting the ‘girls’ harnessed, for not swiping the kids chips and hanging in there.

  7. No soy has passed my lips!!…don’t particularly like it. No Optifast before the surgery. Different surgeons require different things but here in Tasmania, they do not require us to do the Optifast thing leading up to surgery. In other states they do. I think it is supposed to shrink the liver or something?…..but really, I can’t see the point in it? Dr Dreamy told me there are over 3000 people just in this little state with lapbands. None of them had to do the Optifast, so I am thinking it is not that neccessary for health etc?
    Tracey….where have you been!!?? Actually, I can’t reach around the back to do mine up because I had my shoulder reconstructed and not that supple!!! BUT….I have done them up this way long before that! lol

  8. I’m a do up at the front gal and swing around to the back – I’ve never been able to do the back clasp thing. My mum is a swing around girl too. I must admit to being a bit self conscious about this when I’ve in the change room at the gym – most others seem to do the reach behind. I’ve noticed the catch at the front bras haven’t been around much in recent years. I had to be very careful in the post-op weeks as my keyholes weren’t far below the bra line and the swing around was risky for a while. Sounds like you’re doing well. Mel

  9. Oh I am so jealous…you can still have coffee…I am on day 3 of a Salicylite elimination diet and I havent had coffee since 10am Sunday morning… omg..I am suffering like nothing else… No chocolate either….
    Monday morning I had the shakes… and I have had a blinding headache for three days… who’d have thunk how addicted I was to coffee… *sob* I have to do this..lucky I am pig headed or I would have caved in by now and had a lovely latte!!! But knowing I would only have to go through the withdrawl thing again its just not worth it…
    Hope your runs ease up soon…
    Go the Fart Queen!!!

  10. I’ve always done it up in the front and swing around. Never knew there was another way. If I tried that I’d be twisted all kinds of ways. They’d have to call the perimedics to undo me. Forget the bra thing, just get me undone.
    Glad to see you are doing well.
    Mash is up and go to town cracked me up!!

  11. Oh wow – I never even thought about bras being a problem. Now I’m going to worry about reaching around back to fasten my bra and having my stitches pop! Haha

    Glad you’re doing so well – I’m jealous you didn’t have to do a liquid diet before. I’m going to have to do at least 2 weeks before, maybe 4, and then the 2 after.

    Sounds like you’re doing great – that’s fantastic!!!

  12. I’m not a swinger I am a back clipper!!! Great to hear you are feeling well Nola! Love your Blog. 14 days till my sis and I get our’s done, Have you named your band?
    Take care xx

  13. Mmmmm, well, if I had to name it anything this week it would probably be……”That farking bitch of a thing in my guts making me drink soup!!” I think it may change from week to week though 🙂

  14. Glad to hear you can still get the bra done up, even if it hurts a little. I’m a “back clasper” chickie, and my scaffolding is a necessity. I envy people that can go without a bra!!!

    Please keep us updated, I’ve missed reading your blogs!

  15. Nola, Karen and me went for lunch down town today – the first time out into the big wide world of public eating for Nola since the op.

    I admit that I was worried – not on her behalf – on Karen and mine that we would be too damn guilty to eat anything! and we like our food.

    And if Nola was going to sit there and look pathetic and pale and wan … well, you can imagine.

    But! it was a pleasure for all concerned – Nola had a skinny chai to start with and so did Karen and me (I had a sav blanc as well – well I am more mature than them and also I need the extra oomph to keep up with them and their smoking plastic cards! I swear those two girls are the best impulse buyers I have ever seen – even better than me, and those cards were charred on the edges by the time the morning was finished.)

    Nola had the pumkin soup – which was delicious – and was something that we might have ordered ourselves – we didn’t – we had something a bit more substantial but it didn’t faze Nola at all – she was happy with her soup etc.

    Now comes the good part (apart from Nola enjoying herself of course) – Nola couldn’t eat all her soup so Karen and I finished it and we also shared the garlic bread that came with it. So you see there is silver lining to someone else’s cloud! … for someone else ….

    So for any of you worried about going out to eat – even in the early stages after your op. don’t be – there seems to be plenty of things to choose, even at the straw stage – next time she is going to have a iced coffee with all the cream and icecream.

    Of course she could have been laughing on the outside and crying on the inside … you weren’t … were you Nola? Ah come on …. noooo….

  16. Just for the record I am a doing up the front and swing it round kind of girl…… reading above it looks like you were surveying people to find out…lol.

    Good to hear you are doing well and staying the same old Nola…. love popping in and reading. I still think you should write a book..

    Take care

  17. i’m thinking savoury flavoured jelly beans for you my dear and the rest of this journey will be a piece of piss!!! 🙂

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