I was having a conversation with Ricky trying to express in words how I was feeling. I am not scared of the operation and I am not particularly worried about afterwards and adjusting to the restriction and altering my eating habits etc. And I am just plain excited about losing weight and feeling good. What I wonder about is what it will feel like! I have never been slim. I was a chubby toddler and I can’t say I have ever been the same size as any of my childhood friends and onwards into puberty and adulthood. I have always been, as I said earlier, at least in the top three fatties of any group, class or employment. I have not been too affected by this and have been ridiculously loved and happy my whole life. Sure, I have had meltdowns and cried many, many times about a comment somebody may have said or feeling left out because of my weight…..but mostly happy and secure with myself. I have moments and get quite depressed and down about it all and then shake it off and move on. I have always managed to push my weight issues to one side and just get on with it……even though, when you think about it, it has been my weight that has chartered the course for many decisions I made in my life or things I did or did not do.
I can’t say…..God, I can’t wait until I get back to the size I was when I was 20. Because, I sure as hell don’t want to be that size! I don’t know what it is like to be “normal” or “slim”. I have never experienced it. I did once I suppose. In 1991 just after I got married I went on slimming tablets. I was bouncing off walls and doing housework at 1am and stuff like that and managed to get quite slim. That being a size 14…..which was very slim for me!!! I was eating a bowl of brussell sprouts for tea and nothing else and crazy stuff like that. Now I know how stupid that was………but I can still remember that feeling of euphoria at being that size. I felt fantastic, alive, sexy ….. just bloody magnificent. Of course, it never lasted and I went back to “normal Nola” size…..that is…..just that bit bigger than most people. I want that feeling back…….not so much the look….but the feeling. I remember a pair of size 14 purple jeans and a shiny purple shirt I wore during that time and I was farking smokin’ hot in that little number!!! I can still remember how I felt…..Now I have no intention of dredging out that outfit again…….but so help me…….throw me on that operating table and let’s get this party started…..cause I want that feeling back!!!!!
Last night we decided to have takeaway for tea. We don’t have it very often and we decided on KFC…..or as we refer to it in this household…..Kentucky Chuck. My last ever piece of KFC…not that I care too much because it really isn’t my favourite..but it is Ricky’s, so we compromise. He won! I didn’t know what I wanted, so I went on the net and had a look at their site. I said to Ricky….after next week I will have to put Dominos, Pizza Hut, KFC, Maccas etc all into a folder in my favourites and sneak in there for a look every now and then……like food porn sites!! lol Like….wooohhhhh…check out the size of that baby….and it’s got double cheese!!!!!! Check out the breasts in the three piece box….wooohoooo
I also made an appointment to have my eyebrows waxed on Tuesday. I don’t want to be laying on the operating table and have some bitch of a nurse say, “Oh my God…..have a look at the feral eyebrows on her! If she let’s them go to the pack like that why bother with a lapband!!” 🙂 I will be shaving my legs and armpits also for the big occassion. (Not that I don’t do that regularly now!) Today I got a new summer dressing gown in my favourite colour of green and matching slippers. I love green…..but I will probably look like Princess Fiona lumbering down the hospital corridors in search of my beloved Shrek…I mean Ricky!
Now someone else I love a lot is my sister, Karen. She is the best. I am five years older than her……..I know, I know….you would never pick it!!!! he, he We have our moments….boy do we have our moments!!!! but she is the most supportive person ever! We make each other laugh….big rolling on the floor, crying belly laughs!! We have wicked senses of humour and find the oddest things hilarious!! Do not put us in a church or any where quiet together!! I would do anything for her and she for me. She is my absolute best friend and I consider myself the luckiest person in the world to have a sister like her…….even if she annoys the shit out of me a good percentage of the time 🙂 She is supporting me a hundred percent with this lapband thing…even though she thinks I am perfect…bless her!! She is a total hornbag and I really admire her. She is kind, compassionate, considerate and very, very good at her job. She is also a worry wart and drives me batty! She is my cheer squad on crack!! I searched for a photo that she looks ordinary in and I look fabulous…..no go. She looks farking good in all of them……biartch!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meet the sister folks,,,,,,,,,,
** Note – according to my sister the first photo I put up….the one on the bottom….is awful because you can see the BIG GAP where she had a tooth out the day before. Soooooo….being the loving sister I am I put the other one up where you can’t see the BIG GAP in her tooth!!!! But…..I have left the first one there because I like the “smiley” one better!!!!!……..sucker 🙂