The great unknown….

I was having a conversation with Ricky trying to express in words how I was feeling.  I am not scared of the operation and I am not particularly worried about afterwards and adjusting to the restriction and altering my eating habits etc.  And I am just plain excited about losing weight and feeling good.  What I wonder about is what it will feel like! I have never been slim.  I was a chubby toddler and I can’t say I have ever been the same size as any of my childhood friends and onwards into puberty and adulthood.  I have always been, as I said earlier, at least in the top three fatties of any group, class or employment.  I have not been too affected by this and have been ridiculously loved and happy my whole life.  Sure, I have had meltdowns and cried many, many times about a comment somebody may have said or feeling left out because of my weight…..but mostly happy and secure with myself. I have moments and get quite depressed and down about it all and then shake it off and move on. I have always managed to push my weight issues to one side and just get on with it……even though, when you think about it, it has been my weight that has chartered the course for many decisions I made in my life or things I did or did not do.

 

I can’t say…..God, I can’t wait until I get back to the size I was when I was 20.  Because, I sure as hell don’t want to be that size!  I don’t know what it is like to be “normal” or “slim”.  I have never experienced it. I did once I suppose.  In 1991 just after I got married I went on slimming tablets.  I was bouncing off walls and doing housework at 1am and stuff like that and managed to get quite slim.  That being a size 14…..which was very slim for me!!!  I was eating a bowl of brussell sprouts for tea and nothing else and crazy stuff like that.  Now I know how stupid that was………but I can still remember that feeling of euphoria at being that size.  I felt fantastic, alive, sexy ….. just bloody magnificent.  Of course, it never lasted and I went back to “normal Nola” size…..that is…..just that bit bigger than most people. I want that feeling back…….not so much the look….but the feeling.  I remember a pair of size 14 purple jeans and a shiny purple shirt I wore during that time and I was farking smokin’ hot in that little number!!!  I can still remember how I felt…..Now I have no intention of dredging out that outfit again…….but so help me…….throw me on that operating table and let’s get this party started…..cause I want that feeling back!!!!!

Last night we decided to have takeaway for tea.  We don’t have it very often and we decided on KFC…..or as we refer to it in this household…..Kentucky Chuck. My last ever piece of KFC…not that I care too much because it really isn’t my favourite..but it is Ricky’s, so we compromise.  He won!   I didn’t know what I wanted, so I went on the net and had a look at their site.  I said to Ricky….after next week I will have to put Dominos, Pizza Hut, KFC, Maccas etc all into a folder in my favourites and sneak in there for a look every now and then……like food porn sites!!  lol  Like….wooohhhhh…check out the size of that baby….and it’s got double cheese!!!!!!  Check out the breasts in the three piece box….wooohoooo

 

I also made an appointment to have my eyebrows waxed on Tuesday.  I don’t want to be laying on the operating table and have some bitch of a nurse say, “Oh my God…..have a look at the feral eyebrows on her!  If she let’s them go to the pack like that why bother with a lapband!!” 🙂  I will be shaving my legs and armpits also for the big occassion. (Not that I don’t do that regularly now!)  Today I got a new summer dressing gown in my favourite colour of green and matching slippers. I love green…..but I will probably look like Princess Fiona lumbering down the hospital corridors in search of my beloved Shrek…I mean Ricky!

Now someone else I love a lot is my sister, Karen.  She is the best.  I am five years older than her……..I know, I know….you would never pick it!!!! he, he  We have our moments….boy do we have our moments!!!! but she is the most supportive person ever!  We make each other laugh….big rolling on the floor, crying belly laughs!!  We have wicked senses of humour and find the oddest things hilarious!!  Do not put us in a church or any where quiet together!!  I would do anything for her and she for me.  She is my absolute best friend and I consider myself the luckiest person in the world to have a sister like her…….even if she annoys the shit out of me a good percentage of the time 🙂 She is supporting me a hundred percent with this lapband thing…even though she thinks I am perfect…bless her!!  She is a total hornbag and I really admire her. She is kind, compassionate, considerate and very, very good at her job.  She is also a worry wart and drives me batty! She is my cheer squad on crack!!  I searched for a photo that she looks ordinary in and I look fabulous…..no go.  She looks farking good in all of them……biartch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Meet the sister folks,,,,,,,,,,

 

** Note – according to my sister the first photo I put up….the one on the bottom….is awful because you can see the BIG GAP where she had a tooth out the day before.  Soooooo….being the loving sister I am I put the other one up where you can’t see the BIG GAP in her tooth!!!!  But…..I have left the first one there because I like the “smiley” one better!!!!!……..sucker 🙂

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26 thoughts on “The great unknown….

  1. Love the photo. Your sister sounds like an absolute doll. It’s so nice to have great family support.

    Now to the first part of your post. I suspect that when you are thin, you’ll still feel happy and secure and just like Nola but the difference will be that when you walk past a mirror you’ll look at the woman staring back and you’ll say something like, “Would you look at that skinny bitch hornbag?!”

    I have been both thin and fat (although I’ve spend more of my life on the hefty side), and whatever weight I’ve been, I’ve still always just felt like me on the inside. The only real difference when I’m thinner is that I generally feel healthier, sexier and more sociable.

    I have to say that reading your posts I’m struck by what an amazing and engaging person you are. You have so much ‘heart’. I don’t know what else to call it than that. I can’t imagine that losing weight will make you a different or better person on the inside…it’s just going to change the package you come in.

    Cat

  2. oh my god nola,

    you put the one in that you can see my tooth missing, that i had out the day before….bitch!!! the second photo in that series is much better. oh well suppose i shouldnt complain, after all, this site is all about you!!

    love and kisses

  3. Whinge, whinge, whinge!!!! I didn’t even notice that…..I will go and change it then! ….. *sigh* Does the fact that I said how much I LOVE YOU not mean anything !!!!!!! OH NO…..IT’S ALL ABOUT YOUR TOOTH!!!!! geeeeezzzzzeeeeeuuuuussssssss I had the BIG picture up before…..so Cat would have seen the BIG GAP in your tooth really clearly….he, he. Now the pictures are smaller the BIG GAP might not be so obvious to people 🙂

  4. Hi Nola

    Go for it Nola, well done on making this decision and getting it done…..

    You are a fantastic woman who I truly admire I am very proud of you….

    Take care….

    Luv
    Liz

  5. Oh Liz!!!… how wonderful to have you visit my blog!! I am afraid I have been very slack at keeping in touch. Things will change from now on…..I promise. Just not into MSN too much…blogging is more my thing these days. So whack me in your favourites and come along for the ride!! 🙂 Lovely to hear from you…..and Kate!!

  6. You are so lucky to love your sister so much and get on so well with her. My sister and I … sheesh.. I can’t stand her! She is the total opposite from me in every way… she has made some really nasty mistakes in her life but always blames other people. I am over her. I see you called your sister a ‘hornbag’ so I’m guessing it’s not a bad thing? You called me one yesterday on me blog and I was thinking “Hell I hope that’s a good thing to be called?” LOL Next week is going to be an awesome week for you, I can’t wait to hear all about it.

  7. Chris….being called a hornbag in this neck of the woods is a total compliment of the highest order!!!!! lol Like being called hot, smokin’, goddess, ….. it’s just one step away from being Australia’s next super model really 🙂

  8. Hey….I just realised that if you click on the photo you get to see it large size anyway….duhhhhhh The BIG GAP in Karen’s tooth shows up much better if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!! *crack’in up here*
    Of course, I do not have a BIG GAP in my teeth…….if I did I would have to whip them out and send them back for being faulty!!!!! ha, ha, ha Loves me falsies 🙂

  9. I will be here for you Nola, just one thing your blogs are really good why not write a book about your experience….. I suppose you might think its a silly idea. Its just a thought…

    Off to the the PInk Tri tomorrow wish me luck…..

    Luv
    Liz
    xx

  10. ahhh so the girls got my msgs and the link..thank god for that….

    Love to you Nola…and congrats to Karen for being a wonderful supportive sister to Nola…..your whole family rocks!!!!

    Margie
    xoxoxox

  11. I’m so jealous of your relationship with your sister…and 5 years apart. My sister and I are 7 years apart, and we can’t each other. Something tells me that you’ll get that “feeling” long before you reach the goal of your journey.

  12. Nola,
    I love your blog and have also added you to my blog list. Your fears are pretty normal I’d say. My doc wants me at BMI 25 (from 39) and that means being below 70kg. My husband, whom I’ve known for 28 years has never seen me anywhere near that weight. I haven’t been there since I was there briefly at around 15-16 yrs of age. It is scary and I must admit I’ve found a nice psychologist to work through these issues with from time to time (medicare covers visits if you get a GP referral). It’s not that I don’t have anyone esle to talk to but I don’t want to “dump” on hubby or friends with all my shite (they get enough as it is). Many of us are here for health reasons as you know and even dropping 12 kg has made a large difference to my knee pain. Go for it and rejoice!Mel

  13. I don’t know how you could be any happier, more confident or more loved by getting slimmer. I do know your joints will thank you and you will be around longer to drive your sis nuts with posting pictures of her “gap” and you’ll be chasing that handsome husband of yours around a lot longer, and you want to talk about being a major “hornbag”!! Of the highest order, I’d say…

    You are so right to tell your sister and the world what joy and fun she brings to you. My oldest sister, who I loved and looked up to so much, died when I was almost 13 and even after 50 years I miss her. My other sister who is only 3 years older now have a good relationship, although for many years we didn’t, mostly because I didn’t think how I lived was any of her business, and she thought it was… Now as we are older and wiser, we get along well.

    BTW, I think you will have a blast in your life no matter the size you become. I just think you will enjoy it longer.

    Helen

  14. Nola – you look like Meryl Streep – no shit……

    Nola – you are so lucky to have the suppot of such a woderful family. I don’t ahve that and can only hope that the next generation of my off spring do…

    Loving your blog…

    Sharon

    Oh and by the way….. exactly what was the aroma in your house after eating nothing but brussle sprouts???? I hate to know…

  15. Meryl Streep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!………….Sharon, back away from the medicine cabinet…nice and easy now….thatta girl. Now put the wine glass down….gentle, gentle…..

  16. I think the fear of being slim is a major issue for some overweight people and is the main reason they self sabotage. We always fear what we dont know. I have only been a size 14 (smallest) myself and always bought clothes that covered my barge arse, it will be nice to not have to worry about that again – funny thing I I always thought I was fat back then, but when I look at the photos today I know I wasn’t.

    You and your sister both look pretty damn good!!!

  17. You do…. you do….. I swear…..
    That first photo……

    Anyway… I wasn’t any where near the medical cupboard…. and most certainly was not drinking at 6:45 am…. I didn’t start that till 7am at least….

    Give us an update… your Meryl Streep blog is old news…

    We want update… we want update….

    (okay…. time for a refil….JOKING!)

  18. yes nola, you have very meryl streep eyes. and shit babe you look rocking hot in the pic. i love the eyebrow thing and your planning ahead, cause i’d be stressing over underwear etc and then only notice the monobrow after the surgery when i’d cried for shame.

    your book would be a rollicking laugh and i for one would live off it knowing how many calories laughing works off!!! so do it for all of us.

    loving your work
    cat =^..^=

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