But you’re not THAT fat!!

I don’t think I am going to tell anybody else about me getting a lapband.  It is just too draining on my “nice” side!! Nearly everybody has said, “But you’re not that big/fat/large!” I always try and politely explain to them the reasons…..ie:  I have a BMI of 40, I am considered to be morbibly obese by medical professionals, I feel like crap, it is for my back as much as anything, if I can lose 40kgs think how much better my back/health will be etc etc  Mostly they nod their heads and their eyes start to glaze over!

Now knowing that I am a goddess/hornbag of the highest callibre at the best of times…….I can see their point 🙂 Maybe I don’t look that big! I think I do…….end of story.  I know I dress well for a big person…..but I still look like a big person in nice clothes!!!!  We joke around all the time and I think my personality “smothers” the fact that I am not happy with how I am? My friends and I have this “hornbag” thing going on.  If one of us says….”you look great today”, the other one says, “Yeah, I bloody know I do!!”  It is our fun and the way we talk.  We know we have faults…..but it is more fun to act like we are totally bloody up ourselves! In fact, if we were any further up ourselves we would be inside out!!!!

What the “bitch” side of me wants to say to these people is…….

Fark me!!!!!!!!!!  What are you trying to say?  Do you think I still look big….just not that big?! Because if that is what you are trying to say….then I rest my bloody case!!!!  You still think I am BIG….so shut the fark up!!!! It’s all right for you, you skinny arsed bitch….I am the one that has to go to TENT CITY to buy my clothing!!!”…..or something along those lines 🙂

Then there are the people that say……why lapbanding?! Can’t you just try to stay on a diet?  Ummmm well, let me see????  NO   I don’t even attempt to explain this question.  Only overweight people that have tried everything would ever understand the heartache of being a failure time after time.  I am actually extremely good at losing weight…….I just keep putting it back on again!!  I know there are some out there (at this point I would like to send a big cheerio to my mother-in-law) that just don’t understand!!  They see it as a waste of money and some stupid easy way out!  They give me “that look” ….. fark I hate that look!!!  The, “you could lose weight like normal people if you tried harder!” look. Or one stage there it was the , “Why couldn’t you have married a nice, thin Jewish girl?” look. Usually she is pretty good and her and Ricky’s Dad are very supportive of most things we do……..but…….you know!!!!! I am sure they will warm to the idea and it will be smooth sailing eventually. I am tired…….just tired of the fight!  I am sick of trying to justify my decision to people…..why should I have to? I feel I should, but I am not going to anymore.  If it happens to come up in conversation, or they find out somehow and question me I am going to say,

“Because I can.  This subject is not open for negotiation.  You are entitled to your opinion, but I am going ahead with this for my benefit…not yours. I would appreciate your support………………end of story. “


25 thoughts on “But you’re not THAT fat!!

  1. and you have it my friend…110% plus more….No point saying “don’t let it get to you” cos it obviously has if youve made this post but I understand…..those that dont or cant support you are not really worth worrying about…and yes I know you know that already but Im just reitterating the fact for you.

    Im totally loving your blogs and think you are just amazing for being able to put it all into words the way you do.

    All my love and support on your special journey.


  2. This happens to me all the time. Oh, you aren’t that big they say. What does that mean? Are they trying to make me feel better? Not working…

    What about this one, said to me this week by a woman I have know for 20 years, a person I thought would understand and support me unconditionally, she said “oh, the cheats way to lose weight”

    What the FARK? I am cheating? Feeling judged right now, by everyone except other bandits and bandits to be.

    It is great to read your comments and relate to your journey.


  3. Tracey honey, someone like that is not to be classed as a friend…only a sabatour (sp)…people like this like to see you fail time and time again as it gives them a better sense of self….I want you to be proud of your decision….be bloody proud that you …..YES YOU!!!…have taken back control of your life and your destiny and tell your “friend” to sod off…..tell her to walk a mile in your shoes and see how it feels before she gets all high and mighty…..better still go back to plan A and tell her to sod off.
    Power to ya girl

  4. Right on, Nola!! You get an “atta boy Girl” from me. If the idiots get to hard to bear and too nosy, just tell them your getting the lap band done because you didn’t want to go telling folks you were getting your virginity re-done and you and Ricky are getting hitched again and you want “it” special for your special man!! That ought to shut them the ‘fark’ up!!

    Hang it there. You are doing this for all the right reasons. You stay healthy longer and can be that goddess/hornbag for longer.


  5. Helen!!!!…that is a fantastic idea!!!! I mean, while I’m out to it and all that, why not have some renovations done on the “town hall” if you know what I mean!!!??? You know….change the hall into more of a clubhouse….lol, lol…….crack’in up here!!!!!

  6. OOO that’s so funny Helen! Mostly cos I just got a TOTALLY NEW VA-JA-JA!!! As for you Nola… you go for it girl! And fuck what anyone says. full stop, end of story.

  7. Nola – I hear you girlfriend! (as Marcia would say) lol

    When I first made the decision to be banded I wasn’t telling anyone, only my husband. But then I changed my mind a few months ago and told the world. I figured if people had a problem with it, it was their problem – and they can deal with it, because I’ve got my own problems to deal with.

    The night before my op, my mother said to me on the phone “You’re not overweight and I haven’t told you not to do this because if this doesn’t work out at least you can have it reversed in 6mths”. I then had to explain that I’m classified as “morbidly obese” etc etc – but it made me realise that she’s probably never going to understand.

    It’s about time we start putting ourselves first and doing what’s right for us, whatever that may be.

    And you’ll be richer for the experience – just look at the great friends you are picking up along the way.


  8. I love your attitude. Also, the thing about dressing well “for a fat girl/woman etc.” Yup, I do a good job of “hiding” the bulges, but it was much much more fun when I could attractively wear the revealing stuff. And I would just love to once again have a shape to flaunt.

  9. LOL – you a long comment but forgot to fill in the email field above – so lost it!

    Basically I feel it’s your body and stuff what anyone else thinks. Love your attitude!! Also love how you write, will be back!!!

  10. Hey Nola
    It’s all about you and your life. I was tempted to keep the big secret but then I thought who gives a fark (love that) what others think – I also thought it gets difficult for my kids. I cam from a family where there were alwasy secrets and we weren’t allowed to tell certain people things and in the end I’d get an ulcer (and have to eat lots of carbs to settle it) as I couldn’t remember who knew what! I didn’t want to do that to my fam.
    Cheers, Mel

    PS I know what you mean about the dogs – I can’t use my treadmill coz Tilly looks so betrayed when I’m on it!

  11. Yep, I love saying fark….I can’t quite bring myself to say it how it is supposed to be said 🙂 So I say it like a crow sounds…..ya know?……fark, fark, farrrrkkkkkk

  12. Hi Nola, thanks for stopping by my blog. I do believe this was fate. A couple years ago I went through the whole process for WLS. EVERYONE said the exact same thing to me as they do to you. Including my insurance company. Well, they said that I haven’t been fat long enough..WHATEVER. I didn’t have the surgery and have since been considering lapband. Hang in their kiddo, you have my support one thousand percent.

  13. As if it has anything to do with anyone anyways!! Why do people always have to have an opinion… specially one that sux…
    You do what you know is going to work for you… Being morbidly obese sux… been there done that!
    I was 106 when i started at the weighbridge but had gotten to 110 before I joined! Hovering around 70 now.. just cant get my a into g to get rid of the last few…
    Oh well.. it is a lifelong battle no matter how you tackle it..
    I like the sound of Dr dreamy too…
    should be more of them!
    Oh and I would like to see a video of you doing your housework too.. hahaha

  14. Stumbled upon your blog…glad I did. I can SO relate to your sentiments of “your not that fat”….couple that with “but you have such a pretty face….personality…etc” line. I am a vertical sleeve gastrectomy patient. Had my surgery 2 years ago in Nov. It does get better post op. Hang in there and if you ever need an ear to vent to I’m here for you. I’m down 100 lbs and a size 14 now. Hadn’t seen that since highschool 20 years ago. Wow, I’m getting old! Hee hee. Stop on by my blog and say hello. I enjoyed reading your posts. http://www.ricetrio.blogspot.com


  15. People can suck it. AND I love Fark. IT’s gonna b/c a part of my vocab form here on out. I’m putting you in my faves…I want to follow your journey. Go get em girl!!!! You are gonna kick some butt and be SO HOT….not sorta hot…..SMOKIN HOT!

  16. I like your spunk.

    You owe nobody and explanation of any kind. So you can tell them to fark up. Lol.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Have added you to my sidebar.

    Good luck for the 16th, as if you need it. You’re going to have a good support team here.

  17. You have more guts than I do. I kept mine under wraps and only a handful of people know. People don’t realize how much of a saboteur they can inadvertently be. I’ve even avoided the term diet, because somehow the food suddenly appears on my desk…”thought you’d like some..enjoy”. I’m lucky to have the support of my husband and the 4 other people that know. I don’t need anymore. Somday, I’ll out myself, but for now it’s one less worry on my psyche.

  18. I tell everyone. Friends, colleagues, strangers I meet on trains.

    Okay, so that’s an exaggeration, but I have told everyone in my life, and they have told everyone in their lives (so all my sister’s friends know, for example).

    If I have to share a meal with someone, I tell them too (so when I went to Sydney for work and went out to lunch with the people in the office, I told them). Actually, I think I often weave in into conversation with veritable strangers … hell, my tattoist knows!

    I think part of the reason for my forthrightness is because I’ve already lived a lot of my life in a closet. I know how freeing it was to finally come out of it and I don’t want to go back into one every again, for any reason.

    The other thing is that I want to tell people because I want to challenge them. If someone has a problem with it, I want to explain it to them. Of course, no one would want to tell me it was the “cheats” way because OH.MY.GOD they would cope an absolute earful and a bloody fast re-education.

    I think, though, that I must have some pretty cool people in my life, because I’ve had nothing but completely unconditional support. My family and friends are happy for me and they’re also really proud of me. I can’t ask for more than that. Strangers I’ve told have been curious and then mostly impressed, and I find people then invariably share their stories with me, which is always interesting.


  19. LMAO!!! Note to self: Visit abbfab whenever I feel depressed or out of sorts. I WILL laugh my ass off.

    This is like a stand up comedy routine her Nola. Finding the humour in the serious stuff.

    I’m sorry people have been so annoying … and you are right. The only people who will really understand are those of us who have walked down this horrible road more times than we want to remember.

    I agree with you about just not sharing, because at this stage you need to remain focused and upbeat. Not stressed and aggravated.

  20. Nona….I am not really that stressed…lol Just my FARKING mother-in-law that needs a good bitch slap sometimes!! 🙂 They are actually all for it now….but they only understand the bit about my back and doing it for that reason. Got to keep it simple for stupid..ya know? I love laughing and making people laugh and I am glad you enjoy reading my blogs. Humour is my air….you know!? There should be more of it and too many people get bogged down in the serious side of everything…..even in something as serious as your health and lapbanding etc there is a funny side….that is the side I want to see!!

  21. Nola,

    I went through exactly the same thing with a few people when I decided to have surgery and it annoyed the hell out of me. It frustrates me to no end that people think it is the easy way out. I am 1 year on and it is hard. It is not easy but if you can learn to work with it, it is an incredible tool to change your life.


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