Having a bath…..

We are renovating and at the moment we have no bath.  I don’t have a bath very often (I do shower though!!), but it is lovely to be able to have a nice soak after a hard day in the garden or when I am having a “bad back” day. I wrote about this elsewhere………but when I really study how it is when I have a bath, this is kind of my experience, lol………..

I only fill it half way.  I love bubbles…plenty of bubbles.  I only fill it half way because once I get in the water level rises…..a lot….to the top….if I don’t ease in gently it sploshes over the sides. So, getting into the bath without flooding the floor takes skill.  I have perfected this skill over the years.

Then you lay down.  Trouble is…..my boobs and stomach still poke out!  So, you spend a good deal of your time in the bath sliding down until the water is just below your nose, so you can still breathe while trying to get the stranded bits wet and warm!  Sometimes I just get a facewasher and squeeze water over my “islands” to keep them from freezing over.  My gut pokes out like a bloody volcanic island and any second I expect to see a pall of black smoke coming out of my bellybutton!!  I also like to poke my big toe into the tap……..one day this will backfire on me and it will get stuck!!…….God, who to call????…….the firebrigade or Greenpeace!!??????

I also like to shave my legs while in the bath.  I have the Bic disposable and soap at the ready and then I heave one leg onto the side of the bath.  This is such an effort,……gravity takes over and it is like trying to lift a giant piece of driftwood out of the water!  Then, because the “island” is in the bloody way I take random swipes at the leg forest inbetween sliding backwards into the water and trying to breathe.  Repeat the whole process with 2nd leg.  A very, very tiring exercise. 

Once everything goes nice and wrinkly it is time to get out. Both hands placed on sides of bath and up I come. Bloody gravity!!!!  Then you step out……..bath water returns to one third full….due to spillage.

Grab a towel.  Now, it is so not like the commercials!!  I don’t wrap the towel around me and slap on moisturiser and parade around the house…..why not??……because there is no way in hell that bloody piece of towel is going to wrap around this body!!!!  Unless it was one of those giant bath sheets, I just have to get dry and put my XXXL dressing gown on. I don’t just effortlessly reach down and dry my legs and feet either….oh no…..luckily the toilet is in the bathroom so I can heave one leg at a time up on the seat  and dry my legs and feet…..noice, elegant, beewtifullll

So, once I get to goal weight, one of my pleasures is going to be filling that bath up to the bloody top, watch as my islands go under water, stick my leg straight up in the air to shave it, effortlessly stepping out without having a death grip on the sides of the bath and wrapping myself in a bath towel and prancing around the house in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


11 thoughts on “Having a bath…..

  1. you nutter!!!! my dream is to have a tub large enough not to have to worry about fitting, central heating so no part of me can freeze and enough privacy that i can prance around naked if i want. mind you that would get me fit with andrew chasing after me! LOL 🙂

  2. Nahh….being the goddess that I am, I couldn’t take the chance of a stalker being outside my window if I was naked and I really couldn’t be bothered cleaning off the vomit from the windowsill…he, he

  3. I love your comment, fire brigade or greenpeace…hahaha you are soooo funnny nola!!!
    no really you are mmmm mmmmm(don’t quite know how to write our village guy thing).
    You will always be gorgeous to me, and you came out with the better skin too…bitch love you kaz

  4. My darling husband organised us a spa day last anniversary… my treatment was a massage – body scrub followed by this luxurious bath…

    the room was FABULOUS… candle lit, freestanding bath – gorgeous furnishings….

    anyway… nothing ruins the ‘moment’ more than your therapist running the bath for you – and leaving whilst you get in – and you getting in and water POURING all over the sides of the bath – over the teensy tiled area – allover the carpet… past the wicker chair and massage table.. right to the door.

    ahhh… bliss

  5. you know that sad thing… was that it was one of those overflowing baths… where the water in the tub fills to the absolute rim and pours over the edge into – I guess, like a second bath that recirculates the water back into the tub… IT WAS THE SECOND TUB THAT OVERFLOWED…lol
    L xo

  6. Bugger me that is so sad…. cos it reminded me of what I was like not that long ago! If I’m not careful it will be me again too…. must pull finger. Thanks for stopping by me blog chick.

  7. LOL. I can so empathise with what you’re saying. I gave up on baths a long time ago.

    In band-speak, goals you’re talking about, like being able to comfortably have a bath, are NSVs (non-scale victories). You’ll hear bandits talking about them all the time. It’s when you reach a goal that’s not a scale or weight goal. They’re good to have because they help keep you motivated.

    I have an NSV that will tell me when I’ve lost enough weight. I have a pair of denim shorts that I’ve had since I was about 20. I haven’t been able to wear them since I was pregnant with my daughter 18 years ago. My ultimate goal is to get into them. Oh, I’m sure they’re horribly out of fashion, but I don’t care. I absolutely love them and I can’t wait to just get them up over my butt again!

    I think being able to get into a bath and not have volcanos is a bloody good NSV! I might add that to my list.


  8. Oh my goodness Nola! I hear you on every tiny little detail here! (although I know this is an old post – just going through now). I don’t even bother with a bath anymore (just a shower, but wow.. I could have written this!

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