We are renovating and at the moment we have no bath. I don’t have a bath very often (I do shower though!!), but it is lovely to be able to have a nice soak after a hard day in the garden or when I am having a “bad back” day. I wrote about this elsewhere………but when I really study how it is when I have a bath, this is kind of my experience, lol………..
I only fill it half way. I love bubbles…plenty of bubbles. I only fill it half way because once I get in the water level rises…..a lot….to the top….if I don’t ease in gently it sploshes over the sides. So, getting into the bath without flooding the floor takes skill. I have perfected this skill over the years.
Then you lay down. Trouble is…..my boobs and stomach still poke out! So, you spend a good deal of your time in the bath sliding down until the water is just below your nose, so you can still breathe while trying to get the stranded bits wet and warm! Sometimes I just get a facewasher and squeeze water over my “islands” to keep them from freezing over. My gut pokes out like a bloody volcanic island and any second I expect to see a pall of black smoke coming out of my bellybutton!! I also like to poke my big toe into the tap……..one day this will backfire on me and it will get stuck!!…….God, who to call????…….the firebrigade or Greenpeace!!??????
I also like to shave my legs while in the bath. I have the Bic disposable and soap at the ready and then I heave one leg onto the side of the bath. This is such an effort,……gravity takes over and it is like trying to lift a giant piece of driftwood out of the water! Then, because the “island” is in the bloody way I take random swipes at the leg forest inbetween sliding backwards into the water and trying to breathe. Repeat the whole process with 2nd leg. A very, very tiring exercise.
Once everything goes nice and wrinkly it is time to get out. Both hands placed on sides of bath and up I come. Bloody gravity!!!! Then you step out……..bath water returns to one third full….due to spillage.
Grab a towel. Now, it is so not like the commercials!! I don’t wrap the towel around me and slap on moisturiser and parade around the house…..why not??……because there is no way in hell that bloody piece of towel is going to wrap around this body!!!! Unless it was one of those giant bath sheets, I just have to get dry and put my XXXL dressing gown on. I don’t just effortlessly reach down and dry my legs and feet either….oh no…..luckily the toilet is in the bathroom so I can heave one leg at a time up on the seat and dry my legs and feet…..noice, elegant, beewtifullll
So, once I get to goal weight, one of my pleasures is going to be filling that bath up to the bloody top, watch as my islands go under water, stick my leg straight up in the air to shave it, effortlessly stepping out without having a death grip on the sides of the bath and wrapping myself in a bath towel and prancing around the house in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!