It’s been lovely….but I have to scream now!!!!

Why have I turned into a blogger?  I think it will help to keep a journal of sorts about the lapband surgery I have decided to have.  I thought it might help others that are considering it and I like to write…..Now I can’t say that this blog will be all about me and my little old lapband.  Sometimes it will just be about “stuff” or venting about work or taking the piss out of someone!  Feel free to comment good or bad…..I can take it!

How long have I been fat, obese, chubby, overweight?… all my life I think.  Even my toddler photos are of a chubby little girl.  I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in the top three fatties in any class, group or workplace I have ever been in.  Having said that, I have always been reasonably happy.  I had a great childhood.  I have a younger sister and both my parents are still alive.  I love them all……heaps. In fact, I am totally blessed with how great a family I have and how supportive they are.  I have never been put down by any of them….ever.  I have always been told how beautiful, talented, smart, kind I am by my Mum and Dad and to this day they still do!  I have always been confident and succeeded in the careers I have chosen through life and other projects I have taken on.  So, you see, no deep dark secret or misery that “drove me to fattydom”……I’m pretty sure there was no outside help at all.  I have managed that all on my own!

I am a typical Leo……love to be the centre of attention, bossy, up myself, generous, vain, funny, outgoing….a drama queen.  In fact……I am the queen of everything!!!!

I have wonderful friends both virtual (well, I haven’t met some of them in “real life” yet) but I still class them as friends and only a handful of “real life” friends.  I have hundreds of acquantances.  I know shit loads of people and enjoy a large social network, but real friends…..ones you could ring up at 3am in the morning and cry to about some stupid illogical problem, I could count on one hand.

So, I have had a pretty good life and right now I am in a “happy place”.  Love my husband, love my pets…renovating our house.  Life is ticking along. However…………

there has always been this “undercurrent” that is my weight issue.  I haven’t done stuff because of my weight.  I never did sport except for a very short time on the primary school netball team.  I always managed to avoid school swimming carnivals. I never really “let go” and enjoyed myself at the beach with friends.  Never went on the waterslide or just raced around in my bathers……I have always, always been self concious of the fact I was the biggest and how I looked. I am 48yrs young now.  Just turned that amazing age this month. I joined the army when I was 17.  I think I was 70 something kilos way back then.  From photos that may well have been the slimmest time of my life? I struggled with the physical side of everything.  I was always last, always puffed out.  My humour got me through and people liked me because I was funny.  Nobody ever disliked me……..except me.

Got out of the army at age 21.  Because you think you know everything at 21….right?!  Did a mixture of jobs back here in Tassie.  Barmaid, factory work, matre’d at a restaurant in Ross….(lived in a huge caravan out the back and had a raging affair with a transient truck driver!! lol).  Then a couple of years as bar manager of a local football club on the North West Coast.  This is when I met “the one”.  So, for the next few years I was shacked up with a farmer who’s idea of a romantic evening was changing the irrigation pipes together!!  Alas, alack…..he was not the one…..it’s time to leave the farm………Nola!!!!

I had always been interested in the Police Force.  I had a paramedic Dad, sister doing nursing and had gone out with a police officer.  Our family home always had an emergency vehicle of some description parked in the drive…..mostly there to do coffee!  So I put the wheels in motion.  By this time I was 86kgs.  I remember it clearly……too fat for the police.  So, I went on Modifast.  Nothing went past my lips for 8 weeks…..nothing!!  I got so paranoid I even took sugarless antacid to quell the stomach gasses that were giving me bad breath!  I lost the weight and I got in.  Once again….struggled with the physical side….always last in the runs, dragged myself through the overland track.  My PE trainer at this time was a little Hitler!  You need to lose weight Nola, too fat….no wonder you can’t run blah, blah, blah!!!  I even let him talk me into going and having a staple put in my ear!!!!!  Apparently it was supposed to stimulate an acupunture point and stop my desire to eat…..ploise!!!!!  But I did it…..because I was so desperate to be a cop.  Long story short….I passed 10mths later and hit the beat in Launceston.  I was a cop for nearly 14yrs…..and a bloody good one too!!  I loved it…absolutely loved it!!

My weight crept back up of course…..no Little Hitler riding my arse!!  Another long story I might tell you one day……but I was in a bad brawl which resulted in a back injury and a hysterectomy.  Not good.  Back got worse and I made the agonising decision to quit the force. That was in 2000. 

My husband is still a cop and I have done a few things since.  For 3yrs on the wild west coast I was an Occupational Health and Safety & Workers Comp officer for a mining contractor.  Loved that job!!  Who would have thought I would be going underground and in charge of 170 miners well being!!?  Now, we are settled back “up the coast” and I am doing part time work at the court here……..full circle back to law related things.  Such is life. I was doing this full time….have only recently gone part time.  I don’t love it….but I don’t hate it.  It finances my impulse spending.

All the while and over the years my weight has gone up.  It has gone down too…..but only if I was totally living and breathing the “diet of the moment”.  I went on the “speed” tablets once and lost a shitload!!  Living on bowls of brussel sprouts and totally bouncing off walls!  I like to refer to that as my “druggie” stage!!!!  I have done shakes, WW, Jenny Craig, Lean Cuisines…….I can’t remember them all.  They all worked for a time until I took my eyes off the ball…..then it would come back on plus a little extra. 

About a year ago I was at my heaviest….116kg.  I have managed to get myself down to around the 106kg mark at the moment…..but it is creeping up again!!!!  I am only 163cm I might add….that is 5 foot 4 inches.

I am tired of the struggle……just tired.  I need something more permanent that is a good tool for me.  Something that doesn’t consume my every waking moment, but helps me “remember” when I need it most.  I have a friend who is “banded”.  I have followed her’s and others progress over the last 12months or so.  I have not made this decision lightly.  I joined private health about 14 months ago with this in mind……but I hadn’t made up my mind then.  Now I have.  I have made my appointment with the surgeon from Hobart.  That is on 3rd October.  I was pissed I had to wait a month now I had made the decision, but he is very busy and booked out and hey……I’ve waited this long!

So, there you have it.  A brief outline of me and what has brought me here to blog land.  Feel free to follow my journey and comment or give me some tips if you are already “banded”.  I will try and do regular updates but don’t promise anything!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “It’s been lovely….but I have to scream now!!!!

  1. Wow Im your friend lol….its true tho and you are the bestest best friend a girl could ever want. I only want for you the things I want for myself and that is to be happy….truly blissfuly happy. Im getting there and I know you will be joining me soon….

  2. What a great introduction. I love the way your write. I feel like I’m having a conversation with you.

    Banding is great. It was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

    I wish you lots of luck on your journey and I can’t wait to read all about it.

    Cat

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