G-Strings and things…

Well hellooooo!!

Have to say my thoughts have been turning to clothing now that my banding is getting closer. I love clothes.  I get so pissed off with the “large” womens range of crap! I might be big but I like to look nice and modern.  All the larger clothes are sooooo bland and boring! I have less choice here on the island I guess, but even when I go to the “North Island” there really isn’t a lot of choice unless you want to pay $200 just for one shirt or something! I love some of the new summer fashions starting to show up but they never go over a small 16.  The thing that shits me is, some of those styles would really suit a big person!!  Like the lovely maxi dresses and lovely little dresses that fall from under the bust.  Why don’t they make them in larger sizes??!!!

I just can’t wait until I can walk into a “normal” size shop and buy a trendy size 16 something or other!! And what is with larger sizes going berserk with all the florals??!!!  It just makes you look like a giant botanical garden lumbering down the bloody street! Ploise!!!!! … not to mention the bee hazard!!

The younger and skinnier girls at work were discussing the pros and cons of G-strings at work today. Oh, goodie….now here’s a conversation I can relate to…….not!!!!  Really……oh the joys!!…..you get the benefit of no panty line and get to floss your arse at the same time!!  Now, I could get one on…..no worries.  Trouble is, I would have to call in mine rescue to get the bastard out again!!!  I think, even if I shrunk to a size 10 I would still be happy with my nanna pants with a touch of lace!…….noice!

Bras….same thing.  Can’t wait to get some nice sexy lacy ones.  I mean….I don’t hate my minimisers in an 18DD and they have even started bringing them out in some nice colours….but to be able to wear something in a gorgeous lacy coffee coloured concoction of sexiness…..now that’s livin’ ! 

I remember once a few years ago when my dog was a puppy she “stole” my bras from the floor of the bedroom.  I yelled at her to drop the things and she took off down the passage way with them!!  I started to chase her and she ran faster.  Then the cups started to fill with air and blew out behind her like a parachute!!  She tried to run….but the bras acted like a parachute bringing one of those drag racing cars to a halt!!! lol lol

I have only got two good points and they are squeezed into the 18DD at the moment.  I hope they don’t sag too much with the weight loss. On other weight loss attempts I always lose it off my face and boobs first. Actually, I don’t think I ever lost it…..it just sank!  I suppose I could always stick a couple of dusters on the ends of them and get the floors polished while I do other work!!  It will be nice to get to the stage where I don’t feel the need to “hitch” the back strap on my bra all the time to try and wrestle the back fat into place.  That will be nice:)  Just to feel comfortable and not “squished” into my underwear will be heaven!

Yep….getting a visual here……bliss!!!!!!  Clothes and comfort….never really thought of both those things in the same sentence before. Roll on Friday and Dr Dreamy (well, I hope he is!)


Thought I might add this photo of MOI with my new haircut.  It is longer on one side with lighter foils in that bit.  I am actually pretty pleased with it.  My hairdresser is fantastic and one of the nicest fellas you could ever meet. He is also extremely funny and I have a lot of fun at my hair appointments.  Did I mention he is delicious, extremely handsome, a snappy dresser…..and may be reading this blog??! lol  Well, I am very pleased with it for now anyway…although I could very well change my mind next visit.  Grant assures me it is very SEX KITTEN…..I tend to agree with him:)  It is noice, unuuusual and diff-er-ent!!!!

Is that a cat on the kitchen bench behind me!!!!?? Naughty pussy…..get down at once darling:)

I have to say it is hard to take a picture of yourself with the camera turned back to front!..lol

Information Overload!!!!

This is how I feel today!!!  I think I am on overload…..information overload!  I have to stop reading so much about lapbanding…I am getting saturated with everything and losing sight of the big picture……that would be me and my health!!  I have done nothing but surf around the net reading everything on lapbanding and hundreds of blogs (but I doooo have my favourites:) ).  I keep reading about slime and productive burping and I am starting to freak myself out here.  I dreamt I vomited up my stomach last night!!…ploise!!!

We don’t have to see shrinks and nutritionists before we have surgery here in this state.  Probably not a good thing…but that is how it is.  We just turn up, speak to surgeon (I am guessing he does a bit of sussing you out and checking your attitude and fat arse) and then you get given the date.  You turn up, have the surgery, probably get given advice etc…go home and get started on losing the weight.  I have decided that I am going to book in to see a nutritionist anyway off my own bat.  I want to make sure I am eating….or sucking the shit out of……..enough protien.  Like, I read that in the liquid stage, anything that fits up a straw is basically the go………. now I have seen some big things fit up a straw in my time!!!!!!…….but I digress………

I also brought some Modifast today.  I am going to start it on Saturday and do a week of it before I see the surgeon on Friday.  I meant to do a fortnight on it…..but I thought my appointment was still two weeks or more away until I made that vets appointment in my last blog…..for the dog, not me!!!!!  I will weigh myself in the morning and then tell him on Friday how I have gone.  I just want him to see I am deadly serious and have done my research and I don’t want him telling me no!!!!

I might have a bloody post traumatic stress incident over the Modifast….but I guess I will cope!!  I went on that glue for 8 weeks to get into the police force many moons ago….and the memory is still very vivid!! (does green poo ring any bells for anyone?)

The last two days have not been good for me.  Very bad with my back and keep getting “stuck”.  I have been walking around like I have a stick up my bum…..good look!!  I have also been feeling a bit of a sad sack…no idea why….just have those times when you don’t feel up to par and on the verge of tears for no reason. Well, I do anyway!!  Not very often mind you…… about every 6 months:)  I think when I have a bad go with the back and then not much sleep then struggle through days….then no sleep…etc etc and you get on a bit of a round-a-bout. I don’t think it is hormonal.  I take them every morning out of a packet and I usually cruise along flat-lining with the hormone thing!! I am lucky in that respect I suppose.  One thing I do know is that I will snap out of it and all will be fine:)

I have my painkillers…..and then I have my painkillers!!  Ones I take for average pain and then the stronger forte ones for bad nights.  I am going to take them tonight……yeehaaaaaa  Actually, I don’t like taking them much because even though they get me some sleep I don’t think it is a good sleep.  Plus I feel a bit like I have a hangover in the morning.  However, sometimes that is what it takes to shove me off afore mentioned round a bout!!

So, that’s it from me for now…….I have some pills and I’m gonna eat them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not Long….

I was making a vet appointment for poor little Scarlett today and realised I only have a couple of weeks until I see the surgeon…..OMG!!!  I have been trying to push it to the back of my mind because I am so impatient for the time to come! It is all I think about though.  I am even starting to dream about it. I just want to have it done….NOW!!!! I can’t even bring myself to put into print what I have eaten over the last couple of weeks…I have been a complete train wreck! I am loving working part time……but boy, do I struggle at home with the eating thing!  I am suprised I haven’t worn out the hinges on the pantry and I am happy to report the fridge light is still working!:) I had a bad nights sleep last night…….I got woken up by a freight train that had made a wrong turn up our passage…….oh wait……that was Ricky snoring his bloody head off!!!!  He has been really, really bad lately…any tips/hints, besides suffocation?  Because of my bloody back, once I am awake the pain sets in and I find it really hard to nod off again.  I went into the spare room, but I could still hear the bugger!

I had a little “nanny nap” this afternoon.  It was a lousy, cold, windy, rainy miserable day and I actually got right under the covers and settled in for an hour!!  It felt quite decadent and very blissfull.  I let Scarlett get under the covers with me because I felt sorry for her traumatic vet experience this morning.  I made her promise not to “let one rip”! I dozed off for a while and woke up quite suddenly when I became aware that the house had been broken into and the burglar was throwing rotten eggs around my bedroom……..no wait!!!!………Scarlett can’t keep a promise!!!!!

So, once I got some caffiene into my system I grabbed the leads and took the stink bomb and her brother for a walk.  It was very cold, but exhilarating and I really enjoyed it once I got started.  It was a piss and sniff by the way….lol

So, today I have booked Scarlett in for surgery on her eye on the 6th October.  That is my block of days off, so I can be home with her.  That is after my surgeon’s appointment…..that is on the 3rd. That is what made me realise how close it is getting! ……………… BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fur Family

God I love my dogs!! Yep, true take your breath away love!  I love my cats too….. but the dogs seem to evoke far more emotion than the cats do. If it wasn’t for my dogs I wouldn’t walk anywhere for starters! On most days we walk….. just me and them.  They love it…just love it.  They get soooo excited the minute I even look sideways at my sandshoes. They just know when I am even just thinking about going somewhere. Sometimes we do what we call our “piss n’ sniff” which is a lead walk.  Hence the name….. all we do is stop to piss and sniff…..them not me!!  and then we have what we refer to as our “freerange”.  That is down at the beach where they can run off lead.

This is Scarlett.  She will be 6 in November. Scarlett was a little charity case we picked up on the West Coast…she is a Rosebery girl.  We got her at about 5 weeks old before she was “chucked off the bridge and drowned”. She had double knee reconstruction before she turned one and is a little bugger.  She has had some rough times….what can go wrong usually does with Scarlett. Emergency run back up the coast after she was spayed because internal stitches had “caught” and were driving her insane with pain, her knees, alergic reaction to a bee sting (now we have her antihistamines in the car glovebox and in the house!), even just getting her nails clipped once and he cut too close….came out with her foot all bandaged up (in nice purple bandage to match her collar). She is naughty, chases the cats, whinges all the time, can’t get up on the couch so we have to lift her everywhere, lift her into car, onto bed, runs away when she doesn’t want to get back into car, hides “specials” everywhere in the house ie: chicken wing, dog biscuits, piece of bread etc…….very naughty girl….but ooohhhhh sooooo loveable!!  Her farts are deadly too……for a small dog she really packs a punch and has been known to clear the room!  We made up silly show names for the dogs.  Her’s is…..Scarlett Dickyknee Fartima Princess. She also starts to limp when she has walked a bit too far so my Dad calls her the Arithmatic Dog….because she puts down three and carrys one..lol

This is Harry.  He will turn 4 in February. He is another West Coast kid and we scored him off a friend who’s dog had puppies. I wasn’t going to get another dog.  I had another dog called Rosie who was my life!!!!  Scarlett was fortunate to have had Rosie for the first year of her life…….then Rosie died from old age and Scarlett just fretted so much and stopped eating……so we got Harry.

Harry’s mum was a little black and white spaniel…..his father is a bloody mystery.  Not that I am saying his mother was a tart!! Harry is the most smoochiest, gentle, gorgeous, loving boy on the planet!  He loves everybody and everything.  He loves his tea time.  He lives for food….anything! He snores like a trouper and spends the best part of his days just as the picture shows…..flat on his back somewhere having doggie dreams about food and chasing rabbits. He is just so huggable and very, very handsome!! He is never naughty like Scarlett, although she does lead him astray sometimes!  Harry is, shall we say…chunky!  We have him clipped all the time with his own “hairdresser” who he loves. Hey, any attention is good attention according to Harry. He is naturally very long haired and looks like a mop with some eyes poking out if we don’t have him clipped.  His feet end up like big sponges that are capable of concealing half a beach that he is then able to deposit all over the house! He thinks we don’t notice when he sneaks onto our bed at night.  He jumps up and then flattens out and crawls into position at the foot of the bed then promptly starts snoring….loudly!!  It is like a 7.5 earthquake when he jumps up and is really funny because he thinks he has pulled it off…….Ricky says, “Was that Ninja dog, he of great stealth and cunning under the cover of darkness?”  lol  Harry also walks so that his back legs swing out….like an old farmer or something.  I think he thinks his “package” is so huge that he has to swing his legs out round it!!!  He kind of walks like a bloke that’s pants are too high!!  So, having told you that….Harry’s show name is….Harrison Highpants Ninjadog Maxwell……..

I know, I know……I’m cracked in the head!!!  These are dogs 3 & 4.  We had Rosie and then along came Terry the Terrier.  Poor little Terry picked up a lung infection at the age of 5 and a half and we lost him….that was on my 40th birthday….devastating.  Rosie died at the age of 13 and a half……equally devastating.

But, with all the heartache of losing your pets by whatever means, I will always have a dog….and a cat….in my life.  It just doesn’t seem the same without them.  Just empty.  I don’t have kids and I know I treat my animals like children….but hey….I love them!! They make me laugh and give me heaps of unconditional love….bucket loads of it.  They couldn’t give a shit if I was being lapbanded or what I look like….they just love me!  We decided not to tell them they are adopted!!!

This is Flo.  She is 14.  Cat on a hat….box. It looks like that carving is worshipping her…which is only fitting:)  A gentle little darling cat who sleeps in the walk-in robe on her own shelf!  She insisted on sleeping on our jumpers, so we put her bed on her own shelf and now our wardrobe is referred to as “Flo’s room”. 

This is Molly….she is 13 and is Flo’s baby believe it or not!  Molly weighs as much as Scarlett…..8kgs!!! Molly is the total opposite of Flo.  She meows all the time, is always in the way, always wants something to eat, very demonstrative and totally adorable!!! She sleeps on the dining table…..yes she does!  On her special pillow.  We can’t stop her…..so I put her pillow on there!  We eat on stable tables on our knees in the lounge anyway!!  If someone new calls in that I don’t think would appreciate a cat on the table I quickly put her pillow on the floor and they are none the wiser.  I do Mr Sheen the table if we have someone for tea and take her bed off of course!!

I have to say I am the sort of person that gets more upset if a dog has been hit by a car than if a person has been!!  At least you can call an Ambulance for a person………and if they are concious they understand what is going on.  I cry through every episode of RSPCA and any other program that shows poorly treated animals.  Ricky is grateful we don’t own acerage because he knows damn well I would have every charity case under the sun living with us if I had the room!!

So, there you have it……just a little “whimsy” blog about my darling little fur family for your enjoyment….or horror!!!  lol lol

True Friends…

Heard from a friend today via text and it got me thinking about what is a true friend. I am chronic at staying in touch with people.  I think about them all the time and I never forget them……but I am lousy at actually visiting or phoning. However I think I am a good friend none the less because if I heard they needed something or were in trouble or if they rang me at 2am in the morning in tears……I would be there in a heartbeat!  I have a handful of “true” friends…..ones I could not hear from in 12 months and then land on their doorstep out of the blue and we would just continue with the conversation we started 12 months ago and not think anything of it.  These are not neccessarily friends I have known all my life either….in fact…most of them are recent friends from the last 5 years or so and I am happy to say, a couple of them I  met via the net, and then “in person” later down the line.

When I have told “casual” friends I am going to be lapbanded they say stuff like, “Why?’…you aren’t that fat!”  You don’t need to.  You always look good…..blah, blah, blah

True friends have said stuff like, “Well, I’m proud of you.  Good for you. Do you want me to come to your appointment with you?”  They just don’t bother saying, “Why?”  because they know me and understand me and love me no matter if I had just told them I was about to  become a professional belly dancer!!…..they would just smile and say…”You go girl !!”  They wouldn’t say “But you don’t know how to belly dance!!”

Another thing is none of my good friends are my age??  Don’t know why exactly.  They are nearly all 10 years younger or the other way and ten years older or more.  Girls I have met and some that are in my circle of friends are my age…..but they act it!!!!  I mean, I can act 48yrs whatever the hell that is, but I don’t feel 48yrs in my head.  I still feel and think like I was doing in my late 20’s maybe?  It is only the physical that has changed. I love being stupid and laughing like an idiot and dancing in the loungeroom and getting a bit pissed every now and then.  The friend I walk with is 10yrs younger and hilarious!!!  We talk absolute shit on our walks and take on different characters and things like that and the walk flies past.  I love her!!  We can be serious too and have helped each other through a few crisis.  That’s what I love.

The friend that text me this morning was informing me when her hen’s night was. We haven’t seen each other for probably 12 months!!!….but it doesn’t seem like it.  I made friends with her when we lived on the West Coast.  She worked in the office where Ricky was stationed and in the winter months she would stay at our place on a Thursday night to save travelling on snowy roads back to Rosebery.  I loved those Thursday nights!! We would pig out, put on face masks, down copious amounts of wine and then…….go sluggin!!!! ( I might add that N is one of my younger friends)

What is sluggin???…..welllllll…….down the West Coast of Tassie I swear the slugs were bigger than whip snakes!!  they were huuuuggggeeeee and big and fat!!!….and we hated them.  For some reason there were farking hundreds of the bastards in our yard that would come out and bask in the moonlight on a damp, wet night. So, and you have to have had at least one bottle of wine to appreciate this sport…….we would go sluggin under the cover of darkness!!

We would get the big family pack of Saxa salt and a torch each (and our glass of wine) and go “hunting” out on the lawn. Once we had a victim in the torch beam we would sprinkle it with salt and watch the sucker shrivel up and DIE!!!!  Now, maybe it was the wine and maybe it wasn’t, but that used to have us in fits and keep us amused for bloody hours!!!  We would speak in “great white hunter” voices or take on Steve Irwins persona…like, “What a beauty, fantastic!!!  Get the cameras on this one…..we are in for a struggle here!!”  Maybe it was just because after living on the West Coast with nothing to do and freezing cold “goin’ sluggin'” seemed like the better alternative to slipping into a coma!!!!

God, I get off the track when I start typing on here!!  I am sorry if I have offended any life members of the “Save a Slug Foundation”….. but have you tried it!!!!?????

I know Mel is a new resident of the west coast and I think if you took up sluggin’ you would love it!!!!!  Get Margie to hold your wine for you though until you get the swing of the salt sprinkling!!!!

Has anybody ever been “corby grubbin’ ????……..lol, lol……next blog!!

I might actually get around to what I started to say as well….. about friends understanding your need for lapbanding…….lol

Having a bath…..

We are renovating and at the moment we have no bath.  I don’t have a bath very often (I do shower though!!), but it is lovely to be able to have a nice soak after a hard day in the garden or when I am having a “bad back” day. I wrote about this elsewhere………but when I really study how it is when I have a bath, this is kind of my experience, lol………..

I only fill it half way.  I love bubbles…plenty of bubbles.  I only fill it half way because once I get in the water level rises…..a lot….to the top….if I don’t ease in gently it sploshes over the sides. So, getting into the bath without flooding the floor takes skill.  I have perfected this skill over the years.

Then you lay down.  Trouble is…..my boobs and stomach still poke out!  So, you spend a good deal of your time in the bath sliding down until the water is just below your nose, so you can still breathe while trying to get the stranded bits wet and warm!  Sometimes I just get a facewasher and squeeze water over my “islands” to keep them from freezing over.  My gut pokes out like a bloody volcanic island and any second I expect to see a pall of black smoke coming out of my bellybutton!!  I also like to poke my big toe into the tap……..one day this will backfire on me and it will get stuck!!…….God, who to call????…….the firebrigade or Greenpeace!!??????

I also like to shave my legs while in the bath.  I have the Bic disposable and soap at the ready and then I heave one leg onto the side of the bath.  This is such an effort,……gravity takes over and it is like trying to lift a giant piece of driftwood out of the water!  Then, because the “island” is in the bloody way I take random swipes at the leg forest inbetween sliding backwards into the water and trying to breathe.  Repeat the whole process with 2nd leg.  A very, very tiring exercise. 

Once everything goes nice and wrinkly it is time to get out. Both hands placed on sides of bath and up I come. Bloody gravity!!!!  Then you step out……..bath water returns to one third full….due to spillage.

Grab a towel.  Now, it is so not like the commercials!!  I don’t wrap the towel around me and slap on moisturiser and parade around the house…..why not??……because there is no way in hell that bloody piece of towel is going to wrap around this body!!!!  Unless it was one of those giant bath sheets, I just have to get dry and put my XXXL dressing gown on. I don’t just effortlessly reach down and dry my legs and feet either….oh no…..luckily the toilet is in the bathroom so I can heave one leg at a time up on the seat  and dry my legs and feet…..noice, elegant, beewtifullll

So, once I get to goal weight, one of my pleasures is going to be filling that bath up to the bloody top, watch as my islands go under water, stick my leg straight up in the air to shave it, effortlessly stepping out without having a death grip on the sides of the bath and wrapping myself in a bath towel and prancing around the house in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give the dangerous drama queen her food!

In the last three days I have eaten enough to feed a third world country.  Yep, I have.  I have been a total pig.  I do not feel good….I feel disgusting.  I don’t know what came over me.  I think I slipped into a …..”oh, well…I am going to have lapband surgery soon, so I might just shovel as much crap as I possibly can into my mouth now while the going is good!! ”  Wednesday included, but not limited to, caramel “mushroom thingy” tart whatsit from the bakery and a scallop pie.  Last day of holidays so I “treated” myself and took it home with a new mag and just sat and ate.  Can’t remember what I had for tea….but is wasn’t good. Yesterday, back into bad habits with a cappucinno on the way to work….toasted focaccia for lunch…a chai latte at morning tea….patties, eggs and chips for tea………”sigh”

And today…….OMG!!!!!! Same deal on the way to work, out for staff lunch (small seafood pizza)…and…hello!!!!!!!…..Kentucky chuck for tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel really uncomfortable now…..but here’s the catch….

I could still murder an icecream or something!  Why is that?  I haven’t walked for the last two days either.

I am not hungry…..I know that. I just like the taste of stuff and the experience of eating I think? I love flavours and textures and the whole experience of eating! You know, I can’t tell you the last time I would have eaten because I was actually hungry!  Not that stomach rumbling, eat the crutch out of a rag doll type of hunger.  I don’t think my stomach has ever had the chance to take a rest and process what is in there before the next lot comes hurtling down the processing line!  And, the minute I think there might be a possibility I could be deprived of my “tasty” gratifying food feasts I get quite snippy and moody……you know, like when I decide to diet!!!!!  I don’t know………

I get all “woe is me” and “it isn’t fair” !!!!  wahhh wahhh wahhh   Why do I have to starve to lose weight….why can’t I eat what I want???? I know what it takes and I know what I have to do and I damn well know that baked beans on a bit of wholemeal toast would have been a whole lot better than a farking scallop pie with a caramel tart chaser………..but putting it into practice???….who moi???