Ninja Possum…..

I put this on facebook very, very early this morning…… but I feel the tale needs telling in full on here……………………………………….

Last night we were held hostage in our own home by a ninja possum….. I kid you not!  The bastard of a thing tried to get through the dog door at around 3am this morning.

 Before that happened though…..  There was a lot of banging and clacking in the carport area and I knew it wasn’t one of the dogs because I was in the spare bed (Ricky having a snoring night) and both dogs were taking advantage of that and sleeping with Mum!  I opened the door and couldn’t see anything so crept out to the 2nd door off the carport which opens into the backyard.  Ricky had got up too by this stage and the dogs were going a bit crazy.  Up in this big palm tree thingy at the back door was a HUGE possum.  A big brushtail possum.  Well, naturally, we assumed this was the offending possum that had been clanging about………and that it had run up the palm tree when we all came out looking. So Ricky blinded it with his flashlight and we hoped it would rack off!!!! 

So we all just got settled again and I was drifting off and the dog door goes clang, bang, clang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG……..  that big sucker is trying to get through the dog door!!!!! So I jump out of bed and grab the slide security door that slides in the dogdoor and blocks it.  Now that big bastard is sitting wedged between the step and my farking prized yakka plant having a little rest after completing his step aerobics session and swinging off my very classy, commercial grade plastic fly strips!!!

So, by now, Scarlett is having a total breakdown over the whole thing.  She is snorting her nose under the door like a little bush pig.  Harry is busting to do a pee and it is nearly daylight!!  I thought they buggered off when it was daylight??  So I needed to check the state of the seige……………………so I drag a chair from the kitchen and put it near the laundry window which overlooks the backstep.  I can just see a bit of ninja brown fur!!  Damn……………he’s still there!!  Also, Flo the cat is out there somewhere……she went out when we saw the big ninja in the palmtree….now she can’t get back in and I can’t let the dogs out because ninja possums can be very vicious and rip into them. I am thinking maybe I could open the door really fast and POKE  it with something!!  Nahhhh….it might run up the broom like a spider does!!  Why the hell doesn’t Ricky bring his capsicum spray home…..I could hit the little bastard ninja with a dose of that!!!  Would flyspray work???????….I am too tired to think clearly.  It has been nearly two hours since the seige began…………………………starting to weaken…………………..

Funily enough………..me dragging a chair to the laundry window and Scarlett snorting like a bushpig and whinging and Harry having the odd bark just because he feels he should contribute in some way….has woken the man of the house……..he has been awake all along.  But now he has FINALLY  done his nut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have to go to work in under 2 hours, I’ve had no sleep, bastard possum, noisy dogs, noisy wife!!!!!!!   rah, rah, rah, rah…………………….HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A little compassion towards MOI at 5.30am wouldn’t have gone astray…..I am stressed too you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MEN!!!!!!

So, Mr Done His Nut opened the cupboard and grabbed out a golf umbrella…………opened the back door…………and POKED that NINJA fare in the GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My farking hero   Only took him 3hrs….he is going to be very, very tired at work today………. *snigger*

Now, Liz from Facebook, suggested I call the local ranger.  Well, Strahan doesn’t have a local ranger…..people usually call the Police for stuff like this…………….and guess what????  They poke them in the GUTS with golf umbrellas!!! 

So, the possum ran off after his poke in the guts and went up the gum tree near the front gate.  He is still there.  We had a good look at him and he is not the possum we saw up the palm tree and is, in fact, only HALF the size of the first one we saw!!  We are thinking he might be a RELATIVE of the one we saw….maybe a baby??  He was still a bad arse, ninja, fair sized baby though Anyhooooo…..

I googled possum deterrent   Found out they don’t like the smell of camphor or moth balls and mosquito coils and brightly lit places………………… so, operation NO NINJA is underway tonight…………..

We are making the backstep and carport one badarse place to be for a ninja possum……so evil in fact that the ninja baby will bypass the carport all together and go back to ninja mummy and their blackwood tree over the backfence!!………………………

Mosquito coil in place?…….    check                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Camphor holders on rails full of camphor?…….check

Jack Russell on high alert….  check                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Jack Russell on high alert?……..   check                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

So that’s…….

Mosquito coils, camphor, Jack Russell on High Alert…………………..oh….and Harry Highpants……….the BACK-UP DOG

So let’s see……………………..we have all of the above and a golf umbrella and torch as weapons of choice.

Bring it on ya big fat NINJA POSSUM Bandit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I should hang some garlic around my neck for good measure??? 

PS:…  Just to prove this possum really does exist I took a photo of it’s ARSE up the gumtree this afternoon

Where was I????

Look…… I’m really sorry…..but sometimes life just gets in the way of a good blog!! 

 

I honestly don’t know what happened !!!! I haven’t updated my blog….I haven’t been to other favourite online places, I haven’t talked to anyone on Facebook…..I have just been an all round slack tart really.

I haven’t been depressed or anything….or I don’t think I have!! I just haven’t had any energy to do anything else except the absolute basics to get through my days. I think I just had a meltdown after the moving and starting the new job and all that stuff? I still feel really tired and a little mentally exhausted. Unusually tired actually…..enough for me to think I should mention it to my GP at the next visit….might be low in iron or something??

anyhooooooooo…..

STUFF YA !!!   I have no reason except that I was slack and I have a care factor of …ohhhhhh….let’s say zero!!!!
So, since moving to glorious, wilderness surrounded Strahan with fabulous beaches and walks and water and forest vistas……I have started a new job at the takeaway……..last week I quit that job. Too physically demanding and I just found it really hard to soar with the eagles whilst surrounded by turkeys if you get my drift!! So, luckilly for me I have been stalked by a man who wants to open a lolly shop and would like me to manage that for him. So I am like……………oh OK………because I would rather smell like a licorice allsort than a dim sim!!

So, on the 1st December Chew Choos in Strahan will open with Moi at the helm. If I can manage to keep my head out of the dusted english jelly babies jar I may even manage to serve someone and even turn a profit for the guy……..I am now on the lookout for someone to share this exciting little opportunity with me and so far am having no luck!! I can’t do 7days a week……I need to find someone.

The owner is a lovely guy who resides down Hobart way. He already has another Chew Choos shop in the old train at Margate and is looking at opening a third one in the Big Banana complex in Qld. So who knows??!! We will see how it all goes…….a nice, easy, pleasant position I think with minimum stress…….except for the “resist the stock” part of the job!!

Ricky is loving his new position as 50% marine work and the rest normal uniform work. A nice mix and he gets to play in the Police boat and other cool toys for boys stuff. The house is pretty good and has lots of room and a fantastic yard for the dogs and us.

I am starting to feel more like myself everyday. I didn’t realise how “withdrawn” I had become……I have given myself a good slap around the face and I am back!!!! So there……

Thanks for your concern as to my absence…….  I am alive and well……so cancel the caterers!!  Now I must spend the next couple of days visiting all my blog buddies sites and seeing what I have been missing!!  Sorry I haven’t been about to visit lately……I intend to redeem myself in the next few days!

 

Lapband wise…………….not a lot to report.  I am still off the smokes which I am amazed at!!!  I have a Dr Dreamy appointment on the 12th December.  I want to have another big chat to him and see what he thinks.  I am not happy with my lack of progress thus far…….

 

I can’t give you a photo this entry because I have a new computer……a very sexy HP TouchSmart big shiney screen thingy………with windows 7 and all the good gear…….just can’t work out where to find my bloody photos yet since we did the windows 7 upgrade…..I hope I haven’t lost them!!!

I’ve had a visitor…..

Yes, yadda, yadda, yadda……I have been busy!!!!   I can’t believe how busy I have been actually.  I have so much to do and heaps I want to do but don’t have to do but I will still try and do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And yes, I have been busy with this new job and it has clipped my blogging wings somewhat this week. 

But I had to come and blog to share with you the excitement I went through when I was visited by the lovely Cara & Chris….AKA  “THE DASH”.  How exciting is it to meet a blogger you “speak” with all the time in real life!!????………………..bloody amazing let me tell ya!! 

Cara was just as I had imagined she would be.  A total hornbag (much like myself) and the nicest person .  Her Chris and my Ricky could have known each other for years and it was like we were all old friends just catching up after a break away.  A very relaxed visit and I am pretty sure they had a good time.  They didn’t end up at the medical centre after I cooked for them…..so that must have been a good thing   They arrived last Sunday and left on the Tuesday.  I worked on Monday and they did the tourist cruise thing.  It all worked in well……I am sure Cara will go into detail on her blog for you in regards to their trip around Tassie.  I loved meeting her…….this blog world is fantastic!!

We did manage to have a little drink together 

 

I took them on my dog walk along Ocean Beach…………………….

 

Now, I have an appointment with Dr Dreamy on Friday of this week.  We are going to Hobart and have booked in to the Casino for the night for a bit of a treat now the house is sold.  I need to tell Dr Dreamy of my recent need to practically mainline anything sweet and easy to get down.  I need to confess my sins and get myself back on track……get serious at getting serious!!!!  I will let you know how that goes.

I’m Back……..

Sorry for taking so long…………….but fark me!!!!!!!  Why can’t we speak to a REAL person when we are having problems with the internet!!!!!!!!  And no offence meant……..BUT……………when you DO get a REAL person………….I can’t understand a farking word they are saying to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OK…..feel better now I have that off my chest

Anyway….new internet provider and safely connected to my precious broadband, so all is sweet in my world once again.  Band news??  Well, quite frankly, there is none!!  I don’t even feel too freaked out about the fact I have lost NOTHING in….oh, let’s say…………..FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The fact is I haven’t put any weight on either and have kicked the evil smokes.  Now that I am settled in my new home and town and have started a new job I will get back to my “band business” in my own good time.  I have an appointment with Dr Dreamy at the beginning of November.  It seems a long way away……but the earliest I could get I’m afraid.  I will use the time to get a bit of weight off and back on track before I have to see him.  I was supposed to be seeing him today………..but I started my new job yesterday and I am working this afternoon, so I didn’t really like to ask for time off this early in the game.

I am working in a take-a-way shop that kind of doubles as a booking office for the cabin park and also hoping for sit down meals and table service to get up and going.  The owners have never done a shop before, only the cabin parks.  They have just brought their 2nd cabin park down here and the shop.  They wanted someone to help them get the shop up and running that knew what they were doing………..enter…………………Super Hornbag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I have had my own business before and I think I will find this interesting and fun.  I will be putting in quite a few hours initially………..but I have told them once they get some reliable staff and get on their feet I would like to pull back to probably no more than 15hrs a week………….we will see if that happens   So, I should have some good stories for you once the tourist season hits full swing from next month!!!  lol, lol

What else??………… the house we are in is quite OK.  It has four bedrooms which is handy.  I have turned one into the computer room and clothes airing room.  It has been so wet all over the state lately and it is nice to have somewhere to get the clothes dry without having to run the power bill up the pole with the clothes dryer all the time!  The other room is what I like to call the miscellaneous room!!  I have the ironing board set up in there and other “stuff” I will get to in good time.  Our bedroom of course and a spare bedroom.  We are going to put another spare bed in the misc room when we get around to it so we can sleep 4 people comfortably and throw one or two on the couch as well if need be!!  So come on down people!!!!!

I love Strahan.  It is a lovely little town and so beautiful.  I haven’t got to explore too many places just yet.  I love Ocean Beach…. just love it.  That is only a 5 minute drive from my house……….superb!!  That is my “dog walking” beach now.  Life is good…………………

Here are a couple of photos that I managed to take so far.  The sea was so rough last week and whipped up so much foam it was amazing!!  It looks like snow.  We couldn’t park the car where we usually would because the foam had come up over the banks.  We couldn’t even get down onto the beach because the foam was so thick!!

 

 

And, of course…………….  coat weather for the babies while they go exploring the Wild West!!      This one is titled, “Do stripes really make me look slimmer?”

 

 

And this one is titled……………”Fark you……it’s too cold………I’m going home!!”

 

Still have time to whinge…….

I fear I have become the flamin’ antichrist of lapbanding!!! It just isn’t doing it for me lately and I am thoroughly sick of it to be honest! Now, don’t go getting all worried about me……..I will sort it out. It is just that this is an honest account of how I feel throughout this whole lapband thing……and this is how I am feeling at this particular time!!

I really don’t know how to explain it actually.  I am eating rubbish lately.  I still constantly think about food. I am making some very bad choices about what I shove down my throat…….and I am just getting a bit tired of having to think about the choices all the time!!   One minute I think I need a bit more fill….the next minute I think I don’t because it hurts!!!! 

I think I am panning out like most other lapbanders, in that, the first solid thing I eat for the day…..be it at breakfast or later on hurts and causes pain.  I try to slow down……am I going slow enough and chewing enough????…..yes, I bloody well am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If I went any slower I would be finishing breakfast at lunchtime!!  Then I get cranky because I want to eat something because I feel hungry but I can’t eat enough to make me feel happily full.   Is this making any sense!?

I guess what I feel most of the time is discomfort rather than satisfaction.  So I stop………………………. 

Some days I just bloody well want to sit and enjoy THREE pieces of pizza and totally enjoy it and wash it down with a bloody fizzy drink!!!!!!!!!!!    Other days I know damn well I could eat that much if I desired!!  Therefore I get very confused.  One day it hurts and pisses me off and I do all the right things…..the next day I could eat a horse and not be bothered by the band one bit……..wouldn’t even know I had one.  So what do I do????  Get a fill………. or just try harder!!!!????   I don’t bloody know…….I will tell Dr Dreamy all this when I see him I suppose.  He will know anyway because I haven’t lost any bloody weight in ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, that is where I stand on that issue.  In my defence I have a LOT going on at the moment…..but still……my eating should be leveling out and it is not!!!!!  I still haven’t touched the smokes and neither has Ricky……………………yay us.  I lose points though for eating things such as a WHOLE packet of chico babies because I couldn’t smoke when I was panicking about the house sale going through in time!!!!  I probably should lose points for eating an apple pie thingy today for lunch because the bastard bakery at Strahan didn’t really have anything else except big fresh rolls that would have hurt like hell !!  Oh, and on the trip down I had two seafood sticks and a latte for breakfast!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Ricky had an egg and bacon roll………….again, that is all they had.  I could have stuck to latte and air……….but that wasn’t gonna happen

So…….the removalists come on the 17th August.  Not sure how I will go with blogging between now and then and probably will take some time before I get set up the other end.  I haven’t gone………I will try and blog before we leave.  However, it is starting to get pretty busy this end, so not sure how I will go.   So, look after yourselves and I will be back in full flight soon

 

 

 

 

Update & things that go bump in the night…

Ricky stayed with my sister and brother-in-law last night in anticipation of arising at 4.30am today and taking the “Great annual bus trip to Hobart to play golf” trip with Dean.  Last year he took three days to recover from the “golf”…….  this year he has been warned   So that left me with a night on my own and a free day today with no work and no Ricky…….  just doing a teensy weensy little high five here !!

I had my sister come and visit me yesterday.  She had a late appointment in Burnie…..so came early and we did a spot of lunch and some shopping together.  I took Scarlett to the vet as her back right leg is noticeably worse.  Her muscles are starting to waste because she doesn’t use it properly anymore.  So, back up to the vet today for some xrays so we know definitely what is going on in there.  Anybody want to buy a kidney???  Estimated cost for said xrays is between $180.00 and $300 depending on if they have to put her right out or can manage with just sedation!! 

We have sold our house!!  It sold on the third day to the 2nd looker!!  A single nurse that works here in Burnie.  I am pleased someone like that has brought our house.  She obviously has magnificent taste   We have been given our removal day…… 17th August.  I am on days off now and my last two days at work will be next Thursday and Friday….. *gulp*

Now for a story……………………………..   a TRUE story……………………………….

Last night I was on my own remember?  I am not usually a nervy person…,.not at all.  But I kept hearing a weird noise.  It sounded like it was coming from out on the decking or somewhere.  Hard to describe the noise…….like a click clacking sort of noise.  Sometimes it would sound louder than other times and when I sat really still and tried to listen for it I couldn’t hear it at all……..frustrating!!!!

I have to admit I peeked out the blinds once or twice (or was it more?).  I kept looking at the dogs because usually, if someone is about, they will know and start barking.  They didn’t really seem all that concerned.  Come on puppies!!!!  Shape up or ship out……can’t you see your mother needs some reassurance here???  She might even need saving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No reaction from the slumbering ones.  I have to admit I was getting quite nervous.  I suppose this went on for an hour or so and then I decided to catch an early night. 

I heard the noise as I walked up the hallway to the loo.  I stopped dead still…………nothing.  Was sitting on the loo and moved to reach the loo paper…….there it went again!!!!  I looked down……………………………………………………….

 

 

I brought these slippers yesterday when I was shopping with Karen.  At her urging I might add because “she had a pair and they were sooooooo warm and cheap!!”.  The noise I had been hearing all night was the bloody beads hanging on the back of the slippers clacking together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Do I feel stupid??…………………………..ummmmm       YES I DO     They will be forever known as the “Scary Slippers” now!

I’m moving……

Well, here we go again!!  Ricky is taking up a position at Strahan.  Strahan is on the West Coast of Tasmania and extremely beautiful.  It is an opportunity we don’t want to miss as the job involves marine work as well as just general police work around the town.  So, in the last few days I have been flat out organising a real estate agent to sell this house, travelling down to Strahan to look at the rental we will be living in there, and just generally spinning around in circles!! 

Now you say Strahan like this……..  straw-nnn        Not like this……  stra-harn                    Got that??

So at the moment we live up the top of Tasmania in Burnie which is to the left of Devonport a bit.  We are about to move to Strahan half way down the left side of the map.  It is coastal and beautiful and right on the edge of the World Heritage area that is the South West of Tasmania.   It is very touristy in the summer months and has many, many attractions such as the cruises up the Gordon River, the steam train trip to Queenstown, salmon farms, Ocean Beach…..just beautiful.  So, I am excited and we intend to stay there until maybe Ricky retires in 7 years.  Please come and visit us if you are holidaying in Aussie……we will have four bedrooms in this house with plenty of room!!

If you have a look at my November post titled “Bloody Samsung” there are some Strahan photos in there.  That is the wedding we went to and they got married on one of the cruise boats.  Or google Strahan and have a look…….

As far as band news goes…… there is none really.  I have only lost a kilo over quite a few weeks.  However, I am happy with that because I have been nibbling a bit with this giving up smoking caper.  I have become addicted to Bejewelled on Facebook instead of having a smoke!! lol lol  As long as I don’t put it on I will be happy for the next couple of weeks.  I have made an appointment to see Dr Dreamy on 6th September….it is the earliest I could get in!!  I suppose that will come around really quickly anyway because of all that is going on!! I will be asking for a little bit more fill.

So, sorry I have been a bit slack with the posting…..but I will try and keep up more from now on…….

So, just a quick update for you.

Drugs are bad…….

or in my case………drugs are farking fantastic!!!!  I am speaking of Champix……a new drug out to help break the dastardly nicotine addiction.  Yes folks…….I am a smoker.  Let’s just say I have smoked for a looooooong time.  I have spoken about giving up on here before I think?  Anyhooooo……I think about it quite a bit.  I hate that something rules my life like smoking does.  I hate how it makes me smell and what it does to my health!!  So, Ricky and I have started on Champix.  Apparently it works by blocking the nicotine receptors in your brain….therefore denying you the “pleasure” of the drawback.  I don’t care how it works…………..all I know is that………..so far…………it is working……….for both of us!!!!   

You start taking the tablets and continue to smoke while the whatevers build up in your system a bit.  Then you make your quit day between day 8 and 14……..no pressure.  If you fold………try again but keep taking them all the while.  I managed to stop on day 15.  I have had 4 smoke free days.  This is a miracle.  Normally I would have killed by now and drawn blood several times.  I also would have mugged a tramp and stolen his butts!!!!  I would have turned into the bitch from hell and my head would be spinning around whilst projectile spew flew across the room……………………..

but no……………………….  I am calm.  I am at one with the universe.  I have my ying and yang working bigtime…….I have had a couple of cravings……but they are quite mild and easy to resist.  I imagine lighting a smoke and drawing it back and it makes me feel physically sick and I no longer crave one.  Basically…………..this drug farking rocks!!!!!!!!!  I will keep you posted

In other breaking news……………I have lost NOTHING.  I have had the nibbles a bit over the last few evenings.  As a matter of fact, last night, I practically inhaled a whole packet of marshmallows!!!!!!!  And guess what??……..the night before that I did the same thing!!!!!!!!  I have been eating shit.  I have been walking like a mad woman to try and compensate for the shit eating and it must have helped me stay the same rather than put on………*phew*

So, no more mindless nibbling for me.  Back on the straight and narrow.  Regardless of the weather I will be walking.  I even went and brought Harry a new coat so he can walk in the rain with me.  Scarlett already had one.  Scarlett has been having “issues” with her poor little dicky knees.  The vet has said she cannot do the long walks anymore.  Just short ones and her “freerange” walks on the beach. 

Now that caused a bit of a dilema.  Because Harry is as fat as mud and myself and Ricky are not far behind him.  We still want to do longer walks.  There is no way we could walk out the door without Scarlett………..it would break her heart!!  She loves her walks sooooooo much!  So, we have come up with a brilliant solution!  Once Scarlett starts limping and tires this is what we are going to do.  ……..   some pictures of the test run we did at the beach.  I might add she thinks she is something special too!!!!!  Absolutely loves it in her “carriage”…………………All hail Princess Scarlett Dickyknee Fart-ima Maxwell……………………………………… 

                            

 

Spoilt???????………………………………………………… ya think!!??????!!!!!!!!  

20kgs down pictures………

                            

 

                                                                                                         

                                                    

 

                                            

Hi there,

I got Reagan to take these “Blue Wiggle” shots at work yesterday.  I have been getting a bit down about how long it is taking me to lose this blubber……..or at least get into the 80’s.  I needed to see if there was a difference I could see!! I hadn’t put any pictures side by side before.  I took the first ones the week after my operation.  I was wearing a reasonably loose shirt because I hate anything that “clings” to my back fat!!!!  Yesterday I was wearing a black vest over the blue skivvy.  A vest, I might add, that wouldn’t do up on me at the time the first photos were taken   I took the vest off for the purposes of the photo and so I didn’t come up as a black blob with blue arms!  Well…..at least I can say the back fat is shrinking!!

I do feel different…………….no doubt about it.  I was to the stage where I was “lumbering” around and “heaving” myself up from a sitting postion.  I feel sooooooo much more comfortable now and move with much more ease.  I cross my legs now and “spring” up from a sitting position (most days )  Maybe it is slow……but by God…….it’s working!!!!!   I feel better now………think I just had a case of the SADS!!!!

Damage Control….

You know I have been having a few problems with spewing lately?  Of course you do……I’m a sharer   Well, it has got a bit beyond a joke the last few days.  The final straw came yesterday morning when I spewed up my beloved porridge and natural bran breakfast!  Well, the first three and only mouthfuls I took of it anyway……… lucky my dogs love porridge, hey ?!! (Not what I spewed…….what was left in the bloody bowl !!  geeezzzzz!!)

I think I can pinpoint what started all this.  I cooked little lambchops and vegetables about two weeks ago.  Pre-band I could easilly slam down at least four of these tasty babies and eat all the accompanying vegetables with, perhaps, a dollop of sour cream and plenty of butter and salt and pepper…………..  *drool*.  They are also Ricky’s favourite thing in the meat line.  Soooooooo, anywaaayyyyyyyy……………..

I served myself up one on my “special” bread and butter size plate and some vegetables.  I was really looking forward to it.  I knew the drill…….chew, chew, chew….blah, blah, blah.  I had a couple of mouthfuls of the tasty, fatty tail bit and then some vegetable.  Then bam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Excruciating pain……excessive saliva factory starts up in my mouth….eyes start to water……breathing becomes difficult and I feel it bubbling up my bloody throat.  Slam my plate down and rush up to the loo……………blahhhhhhhhhhh   Spew Town revisited. 

Except……..this time it was different.  I didn’t feel immediate relief.  I couldn’t just chastise myself for eating too quickly or not chewing enough.  Hell, I couldn’t even think straight to lay the blame on anything!!!!  I was in absolute agony.  I had shoulder pain, gut pain, leg pain, head pain, finger pain………..well, you get the drift   I felt really sick….like a real sick person!!! I suppose this feeling lasted for nearly a bloody hour with intermittent heaving up of phlem and bits of chop and vegetable……………noice!! I tried drinking water and even that bubbled back up.  Not to be outdone I tried coffee….same. It really wore me out and I went to bed feeling like shit and wishing that somebody would come and remove the elephant that had crawled down my throat and was sitting on my ribcage!!

Now, I don’t know, because I can only go on what I read about others and their experiences…… but I think I might have experienced my first “stuck” experience…… or blockage or whatever you want to call it.  I think my other experiences have just been because I didn’t chew or ate too quickly and things “backed up” the plughole a bit……and spewing removed it and off you go again all good!!  This time I think something had stayed there….blocking the plughole and was still there the next day.  I just felt uncomfortable the next day……..like a really good swig of Draino would do the trick

But did I take that as a lesson learnt and ease off for a few days???  Oh no, no, no!!!!!  I am one to always test these theories!!!!  So, I went back to my happy la la land place and continued on my merry grazing ways.  So, over the last week I have had maybe one “productive burp” a day!!!

Why do we call them productive burps????  A productive burp, I assume, is a burp that is productive in some way….ie” it produces unprocessed food that comes back up into your mouth??  It can also produce damning stares from passers-by and other assorted reactions if done loudly.  I like to muffle mine and keep my mouth closed…………a closet burper if you will   As far as I am concerned………….anything that causes food that went down your throat to actually come back up your throat and into your mouth is spewing!!!  Doesn’t matter that it didn’t pass the band doorkeeper and doesn’t have an “admit one “stamp on it……. it was still down there………so it’s spew!!!!!  I think if it passed the doorkeeper and had been “in the premises” for more than half an hour and then you were sick……that would be vomit.  Like dinky die vomit……………the smelly, have been down there mixing with other gut gasses,  I am in dire straits vomit that makes you want to vomit along with the vomit-ee.  Know what I mean??  Of course you do!!!!  Spew is the “underage” vomit that never got let into the premises and hasn’t even been digested. The youngster that just wants out before you ring it’s parents!!!    So, spew it is………………………….but I digress………………………………….

So, I have been spewing for a week on and off now.  I have been getting really shitty because I have been feeling hungry.  So…..I wait for the pain to subside and then I do it again!!!! I try to eat just a little bit more of whatever was giving me the pain……..and then I spew!!!  How farking dumb am I?????  Then I give up.  I mean……I bet if you gave a monkey an electric shock everytime it reached for a certain food it would learn after the third try that it should avoid that food……………………. so……………………………..I am dumber than a farking monkey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Actually…I think that is being a bit harsh on the poor monkey)

So…..anyhooooo…….I have come to my senses and have decided to put myself on enforced liquids/slushy mushies for a week.  I am pretty sure if I rang Dr Dreamy that would be his first line of attack anyway.  I am certain I don’t need any fill out.  I think what I have done is aggravate my band on the first “stuck chop” occassion and then, because I am a monkey, have made it swollen and sore from trying to shove more “rough” food through it every day of the farking week since the chop incident????…….  yeah…..I know I am right!!!  So, I will give myself a week on slushie mushies and then try some “rough” foods at the end of that.  If it is still not right……….then I will go see Dr Dreamy.

So this morning I made a lovely smoothie thingy in my blender with an Up & Go banana & honey breakfast drink, a couple of blobs of honey & banana yoghurt, 2 teaspoons of Benefibre, and a banana………. delicious!!!  I have to tell you something…………………………….I love bananas!!!!    Then we had a great day out with my sister and her husband and went to the caves at Mole Creek.  Karen and Dean were calling it Slut River……………………and it took me half the day to bloody “get it”……duhhhhhhhh  We stopped at a nice place for a late lunch.  They didn’t have much for a mushie eater…….so I had a custard tart and a skinny latte and just ate the middle out of the tart with a spoon…..classy!! 

Also…..  I have folded under the pressure and got myself on Facebook!!  You can find me by user name of   nolam  or I think it works if you type   facebook.com/nolam              I have heaps more photos on there and todays photos from the cave trip.  You might have to become my friend to see them though………..  how’s that for blackmail   Here is a photo of me and Karen taken today…………………………